


The star gazer and the xenobiologist

by UnderZeWeather



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Sex, Alien anatomy, Blow Jobs, Breathplay, Crossdressing, Fingering, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Outdoor Sex, Porn With Plot, Sex Toys, Smut, Watersports, alien sex is weird, appearance's from Pidge and Hunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2020-11-08 05:42:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 80,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20830337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnderZeWeather/pseuds/UnderZeWeather
Summary: Lance was just going out to view the meteor shower with Pidge and Hunk because they have always found space fascinating. Not so secretly, Lance had always wondered if there are any hot alien babes out there in the universe... Well after accidentally getting abducted by a xenobiologist his questions are definitely answered.





	1. First encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate title; How Lance became a xenobiologist's test subject.
> 
> I should be working on my other stories, but I came up with this instead.  
Also, I used the name Yurak instead of Keith in this because Yurak sounds more alien than Keith, and Keith would be the name he would use to go undercover on earth when disguised as a human. It just made more sense to me that way. 
> 
> Here's a link to what I was listening to when I came up with this idea. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs-3uUNI_0U
> 
> Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :3

It all started with an announcement about a meteor shower. Pidge was extremely excited about it and had suggested to her roommates that they take the weekend off and camp out at her family friend’s farm to see it. Her friends weren’t sure if they should impose like that, but PIdge ensured it would be okay. They’d just need to do a little bit of farm work as thanks. She and her brother had apparently been doing that for years.

Granted, it didn’t take much convincing for her friends to agree. Hunk had always been interested in the stars and so had Lance. Though his interests were more set in the fantastical sci-fi aspects of what space could offer. He was ready for aliens and laser guns and all that cool stuff. Space sparked his imagination.

So the trio drove into the small country town. There was hardly anything around, just a few local shops and a gas station next to a mechanic's place. They stopped there to stock up on drinks and junk food for the night. After that they kept driving and eventually pulled up to a farm. An older woman was happily waiting for them. Pidge jumped out of the car and happily hugged them tightly. “I missed you so much Ryner!”

Ryner chuckled and hugged back. “I missed you too. How is your family?”

“We’re all doing good. Oh, these are my friends, Hunk and Lance.” She gestured to the boys.

Lance waved and Hunk did the same. “It’s nice to meet you Miss Ryner.” Said Hunk. “I really hope we aren’t imposing or anything?”

Ryner chuckled and shook their head. “Not at all. There’s a hill out the back in the middle of the wheat field you three can set your tents up on. It’s flat on top so you can set up your tents without any problem. I’ve already gone ahead and made you all some lunch.”

“Aw, you didn’t have to do that.” Said Pidge. “We can fend for ourselves.”

Ryner shook their head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s been awhile since I’ve cooked for so many people. Hope you two are as ravenous as the rest of the Holts. I made shepherd's pie and apple crumble.” 

As college students the trio were suckers for food. They ate, set their tents up on the hill in the wheat field, and spent the rest of the day helping Ryner around her farm. She was a wheat farmer with a few chickens and ducks, so they didn’t have to do too much in the way of looking after the animals. Hunk helped Ryner cook dinner while Pidge made sure all their equipment was set up properly for the night. Lance mainly helped with the tents.

After dinner the trio parted ways with Ryner and went up to their tents and settled in for the night. Pidge was manning the telescope and writing things down in her notebook while Hunk sat beside her with an astrology book.

Lance was laying behind them, looking up at the night sky. “... Think that there are any hot space babes out there? Like, the kind that just looks damn sexy and wants to bone a human?”

Pidge rolled her eyes. “Considering the number of different sexes on Earth we might be the only planet in the galaxy with what you consider female. There could be planets were seahorse reproduction is the norm. Or slug sex.”

Lance shuddered at the thought. “To be honest, while I still hate you for sending that video to me, it was kind of interesting in a; huh, interesting, I hate it and hope the sender of this message gets a really bad hangnail.”

Pidge rolled her eyes again and threw a packet of cookies at him. “Shut up numbnuts. Pretty sure if any alien came to earth they wouldn’t be interested in sex with you… Might anal probe you then dumb you back on earth when you inevitably say something stupid, like; harder.”

Lance couldn’t help but gasp. “Excuse me? I am the very definition of a perfect human specimen!”

“Didn’t you get your appendix removed?” Asked Hunk. “And your tonsils?”

“... That are garbage parts anyway.” Muttered Lance.

“An alien would put you in a zoo.” Said Pidge. “You’re weird enough and you’d just love to get pampered by people like a pet.”

Lance pouted and sat up. “You’re so mean Pidge. I’d make an awesome pet and you know it.”

“You’re stupid. You know that right?” Asked Pidge.

Lance just sighed heavily and lied back down just in time to see the first meteor fly by. “Oh shit guys! It’s started! It’s started!”

His friends looked up and they sat in awe as the meteor’s streaked across the sky. It was beautiful. For all of Lance’s talk of space babes, he really did like space. It was so vast and amazing. There was a realm of endless possibilities out there. There could be eintier species out there that have intergalactic governments and doing interplanetary trades every day like it was nothing. It would be awesome to be a part of that. Probably wouldn’t happen in his life time though. 

The trio stayed up for hours laying on their backs as they watched the meteor shower for a few hours before Pidge put away her telescope and yawned. “Well, I’m beat…”

“It’s only ten.” Said Hunk.

Pidge shrugged. “I’ve been trying to get my sleep pattern back in order. Oh, by the way you dorks, you can pee down the side of the hill if you need to, but if you need to take a dumb there is an outhouse near the chicken coop. I know it’s far away, but just do it you assholes. I’m talking to you Lance.”

Lance let out an indignant gasp as Pidge vanished into her tent. After about twenty minutes or so Hunk also called it a night and went into his tent. Lance was gonna turn in too, he just had to head to the outhouse first. He wasn’t a huge fan of running across the wheat field to get to it, but there were worse things. He grabbed his toiletry bag and headed over to the outhouse. He had some hand sanitizer he was going to use in there because not washing your hands after going to the bathroom was disgusting.

After Lance was done with his bathroom business he headed back to the hill when everything seemed to go eerily quiet. He couldn’t even hear crickets chirping. Suddenly a loud humming filled his ears and he looked up just in time to see a blinding light.

***

Lance stumbled fell over onto a surprisingly hard metal surface. He rubbed his eyes and had to blink a few times to get used to his new surroundings. He was in some black room lit up by purple lights next to him was some wheat and dirt from the farm, and on the other side of the room was a door and a control panel of some sort.

He was about to get up and try to figure out what the hell was going on when the doors automatically opened and a person that Lance could only describe as an alien walked in. Their skin was lilac and his hair, which looked a lot like a mullet was a dark indigo colour. They seemed to have cat ears and big, bright yellow eyes.

They were yawning and muttered a few things to themselves that sounded like a series of growls and popping joints. It took him a few seconds to notice Lance was in the room and he froze in shock. He seemed more surprised that Lance was there than Lance was.

“Grrrrrrark…” They hissed. Lance could only assume they were swearing. With lightning reflexes they jumped over to the console and slammed his hand down on something. Instantly a glass partition came down and quickly separated them. They then quickly started to type away at the console while talking to themselves.

Lance was freaking out at this point. “Oh shit! Fuck! Holy shit! What the fuck is going on?!”

“Grark!” Snapped the alien. “Grark! Rahark shargara! Grak cor noreverker Yurak. Gririkar gragrish to your studies Yurak. Fucking bullshit. I am meant to just be looking at their fucking diets. Why the fuck did this fucking piece of shit pick up a human? I was just meant to get a sample of wh-eet. Just that!”

Lance was shocked. This alien could speak english? “... Do you mean wheat?”

The alien jumped a little in surprise and then looked up around the room. “Oh, now the translator decides to work? Where the fuck were you a deca-phoeb ago? Stupid out dated piece of shit Galran junker… And now it’s pronounced wheat?!”

“... Okay? Um, you okay there buddy?” Asked Lance. 

The alien glared at Lance for a moment before he just gave up and sighed. “Patience yields focus…” He muttered to himself. “Look, it’s not your fault. My ship is a piece of shit… I put in a request for one of the newer ones, but I think I pissed off one of my professors or something so they fucked me over…”

“... Um okay? And what were you meant to be doing?”

The alien sighed in defeat. “I’m writing a thesis about alien and Galran integrations and how we can theoretically coexist.” 

Lance was kind of surprised to hear that. “So, you’re like a college student? You’re working on your thesis?”

The alien’s ears drooped and he nodded. “Yeah. I’ve been having nothing but trouble since the start because I’ve had to spend half my time trying to fix the retractor and the other half trying to reprogram the organic filter so it stops grabbing those weird fat things that make a moo noise.”

“Cow?”

“Yes. That.”

“I see… Well I’m Lance by the way.”

“Yurak… Yurak Kogane. Xenobiologist… Well, I would be if any of my fucking equipment worked!” He punched his console and hissed.

Lance nodded a little. He too could understand the frustrations of a college student. He too was one after all. “Fair enough… Um, could you possibly put me back where you found me?”

“It’ll take about three varga’s for this piece of shit to cool down enough for me to put you back.” Grumbled Yurak. He groaned and put his head in his hands. “I just wanted some wheat…”

“Totally understandable. Wheat does make up a fair bit of human food.” Said Lance. He put his hand on the glass and frowned slightly. “So um… Can I ask why this is all up like this?”

“Decontamination procedure.” Said Yurak. He hit a few buttons and something that looked like a showerhead appeared in Lance’s side of the room. “It’s perfectly harmless, but you might want to hold your breath and close your eyes.” 

“Wait what?” Suddenly the room was filled with a thick white smoke and Lance quickly closed his eyes and stopped breathing. Seconds later the glass wall was removed and Yurak was standing in front of him, looking over him with a critical eye. “... Need something?”

“Male.” Muttered Yurak to himself. “Average height for a male of this species. Clear compleaction, no ridges, infections spots or scaring… A much more passive species… No talons either. Not a species made for fighting.”

“Okay, what the hell are you do- Argh?!” Lance’s question was cut short when Yurak shoved his thumbs into Lance’s mouth and pulled his lips back to look at his mouth.

“Taste buds. Normal. Teeth… Omnivorous species. Good amount of grinding teeth for seeds and bones. Canine’s are a little dull… Gums are very red. Another iron based circulatory system… I really should get as many samples as possible while I have a specimen here…”

Lance flailed and pushed Yurak away. “What the fuck are you doing? You can’t just stick your thumbs in people’s mouths! Also, humans don’t eat bones!”

“Fascinating… I’ll make a note of that.” They turned and walked out of the room. 

Lance quickly followed them. “Hey! Where are you going?”

“I have to get my comms pad.” Said Yurak. “This is all vital research!” 

Lance just nodded and watched him running around. The ship was pretty small. It didn’t seem to have many rooms. Maybe four or five rooms maximum? He wasn’t sure. Actually, why the hell wasn’t he freaking out right now? He’d just been abducted by a purple cat alien called Yurak… And Yurak seemed to be some kind of student at some alien university? 

Yurak walked right into a door and made a frustrated noise. “Oh come on!” He slammed his hand of a palm reader about four or five times while quietly swearing to himself. “You stupid piece of shit! Fucking work!” The door opened slightly and Yurak growled in frustration. He slipped his hands between the doors and forced them open. “Fucking finally! This piece of shit is a fucking nightmare!”

They walked into a room that had a few samples of things from earth. He saw things like coke cans, some potatoes, an apple core and a shoe. That was interesting to say the least. Yurak picked up a flat, orange, see through rectangle and started running his fingers across it. He seemed to be quickly typing up something.

Lance pulled up a seat next to him and frowned a little. “So… What now?”

“Hmm?”

“Well, we apparently have some time before you can beam me back to earth. What do you want to do?”

“Well, I’d like to get a few samples, ask you some questions, and all that kind of stuff.” Said Yurak. “If you wouldn’t mind? It’ll be very boring otherwise…”

Lance shrugged. “Sure. Just a quick question though, are you guys going to invade and enslave humanity?”

Yura shook his head. “Not to my knowledge. Look, I’m just writing a paper to see if my people could potentially live on your planet puerly from a biological standpoint. I already know you have crazy systems of government and that’s something for a xenosociologist to look at.”

“Huh, alright.” 

Lance answered Yurak’s questions about basic human biology. Things like how many hearts do humans have, a human’s average lifespan, what humans typically eat, and were there set sexes when it came to who was able to carry children.

That question kind of threw Lance a little because trangender and non binary people were a thing. “Um… Just in general we have males and females and females usually tend to have wombs which carry babies to full term.”

Yurak nodded and diligently made notes. “Huh… That’s so weird… But I guess that’s alien species for you.”

“Yeah… So how is that different from your species?” Asked lance.

“Oh, everyone in my species can carry a child to term.” Said Yurak. “We usually maintain what you might consider a male physique until impregnated. During the four phoebs our hormones kick in and we start to physically change to what you would consider a more female physique. After that we’ve given birth we pretty much stay physically female for the rest of our lives… But that’s not counting half galrans. Most half galrans tend to be female for some reason. Not too sure why.”

“Huh. Interesting.”

“Yeah… So what’s in that little bag you have strapped to your wrist?” Asked Yurak.

Lance looked down at the bag. He’d almost forgotten about it. “Oh, toiletry bag. It’s got toothpaste, toothbrush, hand sanitizer, some moisturizer…” He fumbled through the bad and found half a two tiny chocolate bars. “... And apparently my niece has been hiding her snacks in my stuff again.” He offered one to Yurak. “Want one?”

“... Yes.” Yurak took it out of Lance’s hand stared at the packaging with intensity. “... What is a niece?”

“The kid of one of my siblings?”

“Oh, a ver-kit. So then you would be a Krigardar?”

“... Uncle.”

“That’s what I said. Kirgardar.” Said Yurak. “Krigar, meaning childminder. Dar meaning male figure. Krigardar means a male relative that minds children. Is that not what an uncle is?”

“... Well I guess? But still, uncle sounds better. Less syllables.”

Yurak’s ears flattened against his head. “Uncle sounds stupid. Your words are stupid.”

“Says the purple cat called Yurak.” Said Lance. “How do you even spell that?”

“Okay, firstly I was named after one of the greatest warlords this side of the galaxy. Don’t insult the name. Secondly, what kind of name is Lance? That sounds made up.”

“Bullshit. Write your name down. How do you spell it?”

Yurak growled and quickly wrote in a texter on the desk. “Y U R A K.”

“... That spells Keith you complete trash panda.”

Yurak looked shocked for a moment before he death glared him. “I have no idea what a trash panda is, but I know you insulted me. That is how you spell Yurak in Galran.”

“Okay, firstly that is a K. Then you have the I E T H. K-E-I-T-H. Keith.”

“It does not spell Keith!” Snapped Yurak. “The grak and hess together make an ur sound and the ak at the end makes the Y a prominent sound. Put together it is Yurak. I can’t help it if some Galran symbols smashed together sound like stupid human words. Write your name down.”

Lance rolled his eyes and took the texter from Yurak, quickly writing down his name. “L A N C E. Lance.”

Yurak stared at it for a few seconds before he looked up at Lance with an unimpressed look. “That looks like the bastardised spelling for creevar. It’s a type of intestinal parasite that eats shit on my home planet.”

“What?!” Squawked Lance. The indignity of it all.

His shock made Yurak chuckle. “Just kidding. Your name looks like gibberish to me. Seems like humans are kind of a gullible species.”

Lance pouted and ate his chocolate. “Shut up and eat your snack.”

The alien’s ears wiggled slightly and turned their attention back to the chocolate. Lance watched Yurak turn it over and over in his hands as he studied the wrapper intently before he very carefully started to peel back the wrapper. The alien very carefully exposed some of the chocolate and sniffed it. 

“Smells sweet…” He noted.

“Yeah.”

Yurak gave it a small lick and a little nibble. “... Humans really like sweet things don’t they?”

“Yeah, but we really shouldn’t be eating too much of it. Hence why my niece was hiding it away.” Said Lance. “So… How long until It can head back to earth anyway?”

“Still a fair bit of time.” Said Yurak. His ears twitched and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “... I still have a few more questions for you… Um, fuck where was I?” They quickly looked through their notes before finding their place. “Ah, right. Reproduction.”

“Just so we are clear, I only know the basic stuff.” Said Lance. “Sex education on my planet, well country in general, is not that good.”

“It’s fine.” Said Yurak. His ears started to droop some more and he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I… Something is wrong…” He looked down at the chocolate and put it into a weird looking contraption and hit some buttons.

“... What are you doing?” Asked Lance. “Are you allergic to it?”

“I might be. If I am I’ll synthesize something to cure me of whatever toxic bullshit you alien’s eat.”

Lance shrugged. “You probably should have scanned it before you tried it.”

“Well I didn’t know if you would get offended or not if I refused to eat it.” Said Yurak. “Some aliens are like that and go from friendly to extremely uncooperative if you don’t at least try their food.”

“Okay, I get that.”

Yurak nodded, began to fan himself with his hand and started panting a little. He did not look very good. Had Lance fucked up and caused the death of this rather cute looking alien? Wait, since when did he think Yurak was cute? No, this was bad. Yurak was probably sick.

The machine the chocolate was placed inside pinged and displayed a bunch of Galran words. Yurak quickly looked through the words and muttered to himself. Suddenly he made a distressed sound as his ears pinned down against his head. “Theobromine…”

“Theo what now?” It sounded familiar but Lance couldn’t quite put his finger on it

“Theobromine you asshole!” Snapped Yurak as he continued to shift uncomfortable. “It’s a molecule that’s a… That’s… Fuck…” His ears drooped as he whimpered a little. “To my species it’s a very, very potent aphrodisiac… It’s a controlled substance on my planet and only ever given to couples wanting to conceive children but are having difficulty syncing their ovulation cycles… Thanks for nothing asshole…”

Suddenly Lance remembered. “Chocolate… Holy shit, your species gets super horny from chocolate? That’s like, one of the most popular desserts on Earth! How was I meant to know it was going to do this to you? On the plus side it didn’t kill you like it does with dogs.”

Yurak whined a little and very, very awkwardly shifted around and pressed his hands down into his lap. “This is bullshit…” He whimpered. “This is so fucking bullshit.”

“... Do you want me to help move you somewhere or something?” Asked Lance.

Yurak was beant over the table panting heavily at this point. It took him a moment to respond. “My room… Directly across from here…”

“Right, got it.” Lance helped Yurak stand. The alien shuddered and clung to him, panting heavily into his ear. He was burning up. It was like he had a fever. His skin was also kind of soft too, kind of like velvet. There was a fine layer of fur across his body that felt nice… But he shouldn’t be thinking about this. He dragged Yurak to the room he directed him to.

There wasn’t a bed in this room, but a small platform with a lot of blankets and pillows on it. It kind of looked like a nest. Lance carefully put Yurak on it, but Yurak didn’t seem to want to let him go of Lance. Instead he pulled him close and licked him, going from his jaw line to his mouth, catching just the inside of his lip.

“Ever fucked an alien before?” He purred.

Lance went wide eyed and kind of froze in shock. Yurak quickly seized this opportunity to flip Lance lance over and onto his back and straddled his stomach. In a daze Lance stared up at Yurak and he had to say, he wasn’t turned off by what he was seeing right now, but he did have many, many concerns.

“Whoa, easy there Yurak. Can we even do it?”

Yurak nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah. Information gathered from the Orbargari has very detailed descriptions of the physical anatomy of humans.”

“Orbar what now?”

“Short, grey, big heads, huge eyes.”

“... Classic aliens. Sons of bitches are real.”

Yurak laughed a little and rocked back against Lance’s hips. “Yeah, s-so theoretically we should be able to have sex. Just… Might take a tick or two to figure out what goes where. Xeno sex is always really fucking weird… Unless you’re opposed to the idea? Remember I am technically a male and female if that had any bearing on your preference.”

Lance was internally screaming. This was basically an alien sex fantasy, though if he was being fair he kind of imagined a more feminine looking alien wanting to ride him… Wait, what if Yurak wanted to fuck him instead? Holy shit he was going to get anal probed by an alien. And in the fun way.

“W-wait! You’re technically drugged, right? Isn’t this like, bad? Like, I’m taking advantage of you?” Fantasy situation or not Lance didn’t want to take advantage of a horny alien.

Yurak laughed and started to grind their hips together. “You? Take advantage of me? This is one of the easiest ways to see if our species are biologically compatible dumbass. I was gonna go to earth and fuck an alien eventually anyway for my research. If anything I’m taking advantage of you.”

Lance moaned and bucked up against Yurak. “Yeah, okay. Take full advantage. My fault you’re in this situation anyway.”

“Good.” He rocked up onto his knees and started to remove his pants. “... You have an open mind right? My anatomy is pretty different from a human’s.”

Lance gulped a little and nodded his head. “Yeah sure. G-go ahead.”

Yurak smiled a little and removed his pants. To be fair he really wasn’t joking when he said his anatomy was different. If Lance was honest, it looked like he was staring at a bunch of fangs that were drooling a dark blue liquid.

“... Okay, did not expect the teeth and the drool.”

Yurak laughed. “They aren’t teeth. They’re interlocking calamus. Way softer than teeth.”

“You know you’re really talkative for someone who’s eaten an aphrodisiac.” Lance experimentally ran his fingers along the things that looked like fangs and was actually surprised to see that they were way softer than actual teeth. They shivered and pulsed slightly under his fingers.

Yurak moaned and bucked his hips against Lance’s fingers. “I-I took enough to make me want to fuck, not e-enough to make me l-lose my mind you- Ah! Push harder!” 

Lance obliged and slowly increased the pressure until one of his fingers pushed passed the teeth and Yurak moaned loudly. Lance blushed and continued to move his finger, touching and rubbing along the warm, soft walls inside. Suddenly his finger dipped into a hole and Yurak shivered. Lance too that as a potentially positive sign and started to thrust his finger.

“Ah! L-Lance!” He moaned. “Th-that feels good b-but it’s not w-where you- Oh fuck!” He shuddered and moved away from Lance’s hand, panting heavily. Lance watched in morbid fascination as Yurak’s cock unsheathed itself. It was kind of a dark blueish purple and kind of corkscrew shaped. Then said corkscrew unwinded and as it turns out Yurak had two dicks… Two dicks that kind of looked like tentacles. The damn things were writing on their own.

Lance blushed a little. “Wow. That is… That’s just wow…”

“Hee… Too weird for you?”

“Not at all. Just didn’t expect you to have two tentacle dicks.” 

He smiled a little at him. “That’s good… Also next time you finger me, it’s lower.”

“... What was I fingering?”

“Well, you were less than an inch away from rubbing the tip of your finger against the tip of my dicks.”

“... Ah. Okay.”

“Yep. Now then…” Yurak shuffled back and pulled Lance’s pants down. Lance hissed a little as the cold air then almost yelped in surprise when Yurak wrapped his lips around his dick. His tongue was strangely textured and it was doing so many different things to him. Yurak hummed softly and started to take him all the way down to the base.

“F-fuck!” Moaned Lance. He bucked his hips and Yurak held him down and moved his head faster. Lance’s legs trembled as he felt the all too familiar coil of intense pleasure building up inside him. He tried to push Yurak off him. “Y-Yurak. I-I’m so close. M-move off. Please… I-”

He felt Yurak move back just as he came. It took a few seconds for Lance to come down from his high and he wasn’t disappointed with the sight that greeted him.Yurak was sitting back with a lustful gaze on his face. His cum was splattered against the alien’s cheeks, lips, and fingers. The alien hummed a little to themselves and licked it off his finger.

“Huh… It’s white and salty? Not bad.”

“...” Lance blushed dark red and quickly flipped Yurak onto his back. Yurak made no attempt to stop him. He just let a small, pleased sound as his hair perfectly framed his head. “Whoa…”

“Hmm?”

“Um, nothing…” Lance quickly reached down between them and cautiously touched Yurak’s dicks. They instantly wrapped around Lance’s hand and fingers and squirmed a little. It was one of the weirdest things he had ever experienced in his life, but Yurak seemed to be enjoying it. He was moaning and panting, thrusting his hips up into Lance’s hand. Seeing him so needy and wanting under him quickly started to get hard again.

“L-Lance!” He moaned. “Fuck Lance!”

“Okay, um…” Lance glanced down and pretty much had no idea where he was meant to stick it. “Um, Yurak? I don’t actually know where I’m meant to put it…”

“It’s um… It’s just under, you know…”

“Right. Think I got it. Let me know if I fuck up.” He very carefully moved his free hand just under Yurak’s dick’s and very carefully rubbed the soft skin until his fingers slipped inside Yurak’s entrance. The muscles quivered around Lance’s finger and Yurak made such beautiful sounds.

The alien bucked their hips, pushing Lance’s finger deeper inside them. “M-more!” He pleaded. “L-Lance! Please!”

“Okay. Do you have any lube? Do we need lube?”

“My slick is enough. Just push it in.”

Lance wasn’t too sure he should do that, considering he wasn’t too sure how this would work but caution be damned. Yurak was cute and apparently wanted to be fucked for research reasons? Aliens were fucking weird.

He slowly pressed into Yurak. Both cried out in pleasure at the feeling. Yurak was ridiculously tight and his muscles would not stop moving like they were trying to pull him in deeper. Lance groaned as he completely bottomed out. Yurak’s body was amazing. The alien’s eyes were completely unfocused by now as they mumbled a few things quiet enough for Lance not to hear.

Lance took this as probably a good sign and slowly pulled out before quickly pushing back in. Yurak cried out in ecstasy and balled his fists up in the sheets. “Oh fuck! M-more! Just like that!” He begged. “F-fuck me hard!”

At that Lance lost what was left of his composure. He gripped Yurak’s hips and started to thrust hard and fast into him. Yurak let out quick breathless gasps with every thrust while Lance occupied his mouth with Yurak’s neck, gently biting and kissing and and all flesh he came across.

Suddenly Yurak clamped down almost painfully hard around Lance and came with a yelp. He coated both his and Lance’s stomach with a bright turquoise liquid. The sudden tightness was enough to push Lance over the edge and he came hard inside Yurak. Possibly one of the best orgasps he’s experienced in his life. Very slowly Lance pulled out of Yurak and collapsed next to him.

The two of them laid panting heavily next to each other. Yurak lightly bumped his hand against Lance’s arm and sighed. “You know, if you ever make me eat chocolate again I will punch you in your stupidly exposed genitals.”

Lance laughed at that. “Wow, next time? You and I gonna fuck again?”

“Well, kind of?” Said Yurak. “It’s a little early in my research, but I think I can start researching physical aspects of human relationships… You want to be my test subject?”

Lance grinned. “Yeah sure. Why not?” He yawned a little and draped his arm over his eyes and started to drift off to sleep. “Why the fuck not?”

“Hmm, okay… I think I can send you back down now.”

“Sounds good.” Lance yawned again and fell asleep.

***

Lance woke up with a jolt. He flailed and instantly got caught up in his sleeping bag and almost knocked his tent over on top of him. He froze for a few seconds as he replayed what the hell just happened. Did he really get abducted by a sexy cat boy alien and they had sex like crazy? That was one hell of a dream. He would never be able to tell anyone about it. Ever.

He packed up his stuff with Pidge and Hunk, had breakfast with Ryner, and then they started the long drive back home. Pidge and Hunk were talking excitedly about the meteor shower and how awesome it was. Pidge was shaking with excitement.

“That was so freaking cool! Completely out of this world.”

Hunk laughed. “Good one buddy… Should we stop at the gas station to fill up before we get on the highway? Could be a while before find another place.”

“Good thinking. Yo Lance, you and Hunk are on a snack run while I fill up.”

Lance nodded as the group pulled into the station. Pidge got out and started filling the car while the two boys went inside to get snacks. As Hunk looked at the chips, Lance went to look at drinks. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a reflection of someone familiar in the glass.

He turned his head to see an all too familiar man loitering around the front as they looked down at their phone. It was him. The Alien. Yurak. It had to be, but his hair was black and his skin was a normal human skin tone. His jaw dropped a little and he tried to say something, but he quickly snapped his mouth shut and just grabbed a few large colas and headed to the cash register with Hunk.

As they left Lance looked over at the man who he was damn sure was Yurak. Said man looked up at him and gave him a slight questioning look. Lance blushed a little and quickly got back into the car while Pidge quickly went inside to pay for the gas.

Until they left Lance kept glancing over at the man who was just standing around with his phone out. Why the hell did he look like Yurak? Did Lance see him the other day and his crazy mind just decided he was going to be the star of his weird alien wet dream?

Pidge jumped into the driver’s seat and grinned. “Alright boys. Ready to get going?”

“Heck yeah.” Said Lance. “I wanna sleep on a real bed again.”

***

The man watched as the trio got into their car and drove away. He couldn’t help the small smile that tugged on his lips when he saw Lance again. He took out his comms pad and quickly scrolled through the profile he had recently made. It wasn’t filled out as much as he wanted it to be, but he was okay with that for now.

**Planet:**  
_Earth_

**Species:**  
_Human_

**Subject:**  
_Lance (unknown if this species uses more than one name)_

**Subject Identification**  
_X1LH_

**Biological sex:**  
_Male_

**Gender identification:**  
_N/A_

**Sexual preference:**  
_N/A_

**Age:**  
_Roughly 20 Deca-Phoebs (give or take)_

**Physical traits:**  
_Short brown hair, dark blue eyes, appears to have good muscle tone for this species. Minimal fat (unknown if species is meant to be fat or thin due to initial observations of the population). Orbargari observations about the basic physical anatomy of a human male seems to be correct. Their reproductive organs are unprotected and hang off the pelvic region._

**Additional notes:**  
_Humans seem to be a very curious species and adapt very well to sudden change. Lance was initially surprised to be accidentally abducted, but was more than willing to help me with my research. Humans are also immune theobromine and is found in a common human food called chocolate. For the purposes of gathering research I will continue to see how physically compatible both our species is. With X1LH’s help of course._

Yurak smiled a little at the information he had gathered. He was pretty sure this was good to start off with. He happily changed to a different screen. A small red blip was moving fast in a North East direction. He’d find Lance again soon enough. But first, he needed to get a chocolate bar.


	2. Alien infiltration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well you guys wanted it so you can have it. This is now a series. Don't forget to give me any ideas you might have as I'm not that good at coming up with smut stuff, hence the fact this is half plot stuff XD
> 
> Also tags will get added as the story progresses since I'm not sure what I'm going to write about :P
> 
> Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

It had been two months since Lance’s weird alien experience. He’d practically forgotten about it. That was until his college was doing their mid year enrollments. He stayed in a very small co-ed dorm and was curious if anyone was going to move in. No one had moved in the previous year, but this time they got someone.

Shiro called a meeting and everyone ended up crowded in the common area. “Okay guys. Long story short, we’re going to have someone join our dorm tomorrow. Lance, you’re the only person not sharing so they are going to move in with you.”

Lance was slightly annoyed. He knew it was bound to happen though. He had managed to luck out and get a room by himself even though it was a two person room. If any new person moved it it would have to be with him.

“Who’s the lucky guy or gal?” He asked.

Shiro shrugged. “You know how admin is. They will send everything over a week after they move in. All I know is that they are male and will be over mid afternoon. So make sure that side of your room is cleaned up. It’s a disaster area.”

Lance didn’t want to clean up, but Shiro had this strange parent energy that just made everyone feel like children. He was the dad of the dorm. It all started because Matt, Pidge’s older brother, once called Shiro “dorm daddy” when he was very, very sleep deprived and five seconds away from fainting during exam week.

“Okay dorm daddy. Will do.”

Everyone snickered at the nickname while Shiro just rolled his eyes and let everyone go to keep doing their things. Which basically meant Lance had to clean up half of his room to make room for the new guy. Whoever they were.

Lance didn’t end up meeting the new person until later that afternoon the next day when Shiro was walking out of Lance’s room with an empty box. “Oh hey Lance. Good timing. We just finished moving in.”

He nodded and gave him a thumbs up. “All cool. So are they in?”

“Yep.” Shiro walked back into the room. “Hey Keith, your roommate is back.”

Lance stood in the doorway and was just stunned. Keith was one hundred percent the man he saw hanging around the gas station when he and his friends were watching the meteor shower. Then the memories of that dream came back too and he blushed like crazy. 

Shiro either didn’t notice Lance’s blush or he just ignored him. “This is Lance. We’re going to order pizza later for dinner. You allergic to anything?”

“Just chocolate.” Said Keith. “I’m really, really allergic to that. Will die if I eat it.”

“Okay. Noted. You two get along. I have classes to get to.” Shiro patted Lance on the back and left the room.

Once he was gone Lance walked over to his desk to drop off his bag and get some of his books out. Okay, there was no way this Keith guy was actually the alien that he fucked like over a month ago. No way. No fucking way. He was being an idiot. He needed to make small talk.

“S-so um… What are you majoring in?” Asked Lance.

“Biology.” Said Keith from his spot on his bed. “You?”

“Bachelor of Education for early childhood. So like, kindergarten teacher.”

Keith nodded. “Cool… So you saw the meteor shower?”

Lance almost choked on air. “I um. Yeah? Why?”

“Shiro’s majoring in some astrology thing.” Said Keith. “He told me about how he went to see the meteor shower with his class and mentioned you and some of your friends went out to a farm to see it or something?”

“Oh, yeah we did.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Y-yeah. Lots of fun…”

“... Do you remember what you promised me?”

Lance’s eyes went wide and he stared at Keith in shock. He must have heard him incorrectly. There was no way that this guy had just said what he thought he said. It was crazy. Aliens didn’t exist. It was way too weird. “Y-Yurak?”

Keith nodded and fiddled with a watch on his wrist for a few seconds. In the blink of an eye the human disguise dropped away and Yurak, that damn alien from weeks ago was sitting on the bed. “Hey… And while I’m on Earth use the name Keith. It’s easier that way, since my name apparently looks like Keith to humans when written down anyway.”

Lance was just stupefied. “Holy crap so it wasn’t my brain just fucking with me… You’re real… that actually happened… I need to lie down…” He collapsed onto his bed and looked over at Keith as he fiddled with his watch and it changed him back to his human disguise. “... Wait, so that really was you at the gas station?” 

Keith nodded again. “Yep. I decided to see how good my human disguise looked before I started to get back to my studies.”

“... And you followed me here?”

“Yes.”

“How? Did you put a tracker on me or something?”

“Yes.”

“... What?”

“I put a tracker in you.”

Lance made a mildly terrified noise. “What?! Why?!”

Keith looked confused. “Tag and release? It’s a standard thing. You said you would be my test subject. I thought tagging you would be good for my studies. The tag wears off after a Deco-Phoeb so it’s not like I can track you forever.”

“Dude! You put a tracker in me! That’s fucked up!”

Keith gave him a questioning look and crossed his arms. “And how is what I did any different from say… a human wanting to track an animal population?”

“... Okay fair enough but still! What the fuck man? Also, how the fuck did you get accepted into this school?”

“Your technology is so primitive I could hack it by pissing on the motherboard.”

“... Okay we aren’t that primitive, are we?”

Keith shrugged. “Certain aspects are, but not all… I have to say though, I am really happy that I was able to get into the biology course this place offers. It’ll make lots of my research far easier.”

“I guess it would…” Lance started touching his neck and arms.

“... What are you doing?”

“Where did you put the tracker?” Asked Lance. “Is it in my spine? Next to my heart? Where is the entry point?”

Keith seemed mildly amused by this. “Lance, the tracker is so small it’s the size of a blood cell. In reality you have about fifty trackers in you. Just in case you bleed and some seep out. You probably have a few trackers in your toes, internal organs, arms, all that stuff.Only way you’ll be able to get them all out is if you bleed out. Even then some will probably stay in your organs. This is why they only last one Deco-Phoeb.”

“... So you really put a tracker in me and I am pretty much your property?”

“Kind of. In a way… I prefer willing test subject.” Said Keith. “I was kind of hoping we could um… maybe… you know… see how physical relations between our species would go… Last time was over pretty quickly and um… I didn’t collect as much research material as I could have…”

Lance gave Keith a confused look before he smirked. He wouldn’t help but smirk. “Oh, I see. I see what’s going on here. You got a little taste of Lancey-Lance and now you want more? Can’t say I blame you. Everyone always wants more of what they can’t have.”

Keith did not look impressed. “If you don’t want to be my test subject I can always find someone else to have sex with. That Shiro guy that showed me around seems like a physically fit test subject.”

Lance balked at the suggestion. “Shiro? He has a boyfriend!”

“... What’s a boyfriend?”

“You know, the person he’s dating.”

“Ah, I see… What the fuck is dating?”

“... I see you have more to learn about humans than I thought.”

***

Surprisingly things calmed down after that and people came around to say hi to Keith and introduce themselves. First to drop by was Pidge and Hunk, then Romelle and Allura, and finally Matt came by with Shiro. Shiro was dropping by to see what pizza they wanted. Keith was indifferent and lance was feeling mediteranian… Deep dished with cheese stuffed crust of course.

When he left Keith also left and ended up talking with Pidge a fair bit. They seemed to be getting along pretty well. For some reason it did make Lance feel a little awkward and he wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like he should feel jealous or anything. It probably wasn’t jealous. Keith was an alien. He didn’t want anyone to find out Keith was an alien. That’s why he felt protective of him. Also they were roommates. Some kind of roommate solidarity thing.

The pizza arrived and Lance couldn’t help but watch Keith carefully. Like, chocolate made him super horny. What would pizza sauce do to him? What him something gave him some huge allergic reaction, like he got green spots all over his body or something?

At the moment Keith was listening to Shiro going over the rules of their dormitory. Stuff like when they had to be quiet, rules about the common rooms and the kitchen. Then he went on about laundry stuff and wearing appropriate clothes when out in the common area.

“-and if you have anymore questions or forget something just ask Lance.” Said Shiro. “He’ll help you out.” 

Keith glanced over at Lance and smirked a little when he saw him looking at him. “Yeah. I’m sure Lance will be very helpful.”

“...” Lance quickly stuffed his face with his pizza.

Pidge smirked and lightly nudged him. “My oh my. You’ve got that look in your eyes Lance.”

“What look?”

She had a smug look on her face as she happily sipped her drink. “The look that says you want that ass. At least find out if your roommate is interested in dick or not first.”

He rolled her eyes, nudged her back, and whispered quietly. “Truthfully, I think I met Keith somewhere before. I’m just trying to remember from where. It’s gonna drive me crazy till I do.”

“Ah, okay… You sure you don’t want to screw him?”

“Oh I’m sure.” Lance didn’t want to screw him. He kind of knew Keith was going to screw him at some point since that’s what they kind of agreed to. What was their relationship going to be anyway? Probably a friends with benefits thing? That seemed like the most reasonable thing. Right? They would probably have to talk about this a little later.

For what it was worth Keith was fitting in pretty well with everyone. He was passing as a socially awkward human and not an alien trying to fit in with humans. Which meant everyone gave him a pass when he excused himself to head back to their room.

An hour later Lance decided to turn in and walked in on Keith in his underwear sprawled out on top of his bed. He looked displeased but Lance did have to admit he had a nice ass. And his body was very well toned.

“... Hey Keith.”

Keith grunted a little and looked over at Lance. “Hey. So that’s how humans interact huh?”

“Yeah… Are you okay?” He asked as he walked over to him. “Are you feeling sick or something?”

“... No? Why?”

“Well you were eating human food. I was just making sure you were okay and not like sick or something.”

Keith seemed surprised but he smiled at him anyway. “I did my research. As far as I know I am not allergic to human foods. Chocolate’s the only thing that really sets me off.”

“Okay…” He sat down on his own bed and looked over at Keith. “So um… What are we exactly? How is this going to work?”

The alien was quiet for a moment as they thought about it. “Well… You are my test subject. I’m just looking at the physical aspects of possible Galra and Human relations. I can look at all the other stuff in the human biology class I signed up for.”

“... So we’re just fuck buddies? We fuck when you need to collect research and stuff?”

“If you are good with that, yes. Probably won’t happen for a few days though. I have some things to sort out.” He said thoughtfully. “I have to figure out how I’m going to conduct my own research and what aspects of physical relationships I should look into. I have a few ideas.”

“Oh? Like what?”

“Have you heard of kinks and fetishes?”

“... Yeah, let’s talk about this tomorrow.” Lance didn’t even bother getting into his sleepwear. He just threw the covers over himself and tried to go to sleep. Emphasis on tried. He could hear Keith trying to settle down, and we swore he could hear the alien purring. Was he really fucking purring instead of snoring? That was both cute and mildly off putting. But he would have to get used to it. 

***

Everything kind of went to hell for him the next morning. He didn’t have any classes until later that afternoon, but he still woke up in the morning to Keith leaning over him and scribbling down notes. Lance flailed and threw his pillow at him. “Holy shit! Why would you do that? What were you doing?”

Keith huffed and threw the pillow back at him. “Taking notes. I’ve been taking notes on your for a few hours now. You toss and turn a lot in your sleep.”

“... Why were you watching me sleep?!”

“Because you sleep way longer than Galra.”

“How long do you usually sleep?”

“Approximately three human hours. Four if I’m feeling especially lazy.”

“... Don’t watch me while I sleep. It’s creepy.”

Keith just nodded and made some more notes. “Subject X1LH seems to be grumpy when woken from their sleep cycle.”

“I’m not grumpy.”

“X1LH also lies poorly when sleep cycle is interrupted.”

Lance made an indigent noise and went to stand up. “I’m going to go take a piss, and then get some coffee…”

Keith nodded and made one more note. “X1LH appears to be sexually aroused early in the morning. The cause of this is unknown.”

Lance’s eyes went wide and he looked down to see he had gotten morning wood. Not that uncommon for him but damn this was embarrassing. “No Keith. I don’t want to fuck. It’s morning wood you know?”

“... Morning… wood?”

“Yeah, you know.” Lance did not want to explain this so early in the morning, but here he was. “Sometimes when you sleep things rub and bump into things you know? Does the whole stimulation thing. Makes you get hard. You know?”

“... Lance, you’ve seen when my genitals look like. I have two sheathed dicks. All my reproductive organs are inside my body and protected by tightly interlocking calamus. My species don’t experience the phenomenon of morning wood.”

“... Right, well I’m going to go and pee.” Lance quickly left the room and headed to the bathroom.

When he was done with his morning bathroom routine he walked to the kitchen where Pidge was watching the toaster and muttering under her breath. “Come on…” She muttered. “Come on, come on, come on, come on…” As soon as it popped out she grabbed it, and buttered it. “Oh, hey Lance. How’s your roommate?”

“He’s fine… I need to get used to waking up with someone in my room. You running late or something?”

“Yep. I’m late for anime school.” She shoved the toast in her mouth and rushed out. “Adios loser!”

Lance rolled his eyes and made himself some coffee. He also made some for Keith and went back to their room. Keith was sitting on his bed reading through his biology textbook and taking many, many notes.

“You having fun there?”

“On average humans carry about four pounds of bacteria in their body.”

“... Good to see you’re having fun. Can you drink coffee?”

“Yes, but if I drink it now I can’t drink anymore for at least one phoeb at the earliest.”

Lance nodded and looked down at the coffee in his hands. “So… Would you like some coffee now or are you still waiting a phoeb? Whatever that is…”

“I can have coffee now.”

Lance handed the coffee over to the alien. He watched as Keith sniffed the mug a few times before he took a cautious sip and pulled a face. “Too hot…” He put it on his bedside table and went back to writing notes.

Lance chuckled a little and lied back on his bed staring up at the ceiling. “... Hey Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“How do you pee? Like you have all those teeth and stuff down there. Does it just unzip like a zipper? How does all that work?”

“There are a few teeth near the top that retract when my bladder is full.” Said Keith. “There’s a gap big enough for the tips to poke through so I can pee. When I’m done they retract and the calamus interlock again.”

“... Can I see it?”

“If you really want to, but why?”

Lance shrugged and sat up. “Because it’s weird and we’re meant to screw around, right? The more information we have about each other the better. Right?”

Keith thought for a moment. “Huh, I guess so…” He stood up and went to lock the door. “Um…” He walked over to Lance’s bed and awkwardly stood by his bed. Lance could swear he was blushing. Which he found hard to believe since he was so nonchalant about having sex before. He pulled down the waistband of his pants and underwear exposing the familiar looking teeth shaped calamus. It was a little weird to see Keith in his human disguise still having alien genitalia. “So… This is it.”

Lance nodded and looked at it. The first six or so interlocking teeth were slightly discoloured compared to the rest of them. It was slightly more purple compared to the majority of them. “Does the colouring mean anything?”

Keith shrugged. “We don’t develop all our calamus until we’re an adult. They are still there, but they break through the skin during puberty. Since you know the body’s getting ready to reproduce and all that fun stuff. So it’s just an age thing I guess?”

“Huh, alright… Can I?” 

“Oh um, yeah, if you want…” Yeah Keith was blushing a lot now. It was adorable.

Lance very carefully reached out and touched it. Much to his surprise it actually felt rough without any slick. He rubbed his thumbs over the skin near the discoloured calamus and was a little surprised to see it had some give before the muscles quickly contracted and locked tighter.

Keith blushed and slapped Lance’s hands away. “Hey, don’t do that. Don’t try and force it open.”

“Sorry. Just curious… Did it hurt?”

“No, it just feels weird.”

“Good weird or bad weird?”

“J-just weird… You can keep touching if you like… Just don’t try to force it open again.”

“Got it boss.” Lance continued to run his thumbs over the calamus. He noticed that it was starting to quiver again. “... So chocolate the only thing that gets your motor running Keith?”

“N-no… Lots of physical stimulation does it too…” He muttered.

Now there were a few things that went through Lance’s mind; he didn’t have class until the afternoon, Keith did lock the door, everyone was usually out of their small dorm in the morning, and Keith did kind of look a little aroused. There was no harm in fooling around a little, right?

“Do you want to keep going?” Asked Lance. “I don’t have any classes until later in the afternoon…”

“Yeah.”

Lance smiled up at him and pulled down the rest of Keith’s underwear and pants. He wasn’t too sure what to do to make the calamus open up, but he’d give it a shot. He held Keith’s hips still and slowly licked from one end to the other. Keith gasped and his hands flew to Lance’s shoulders to keep himself steady.

Taking this as a good sign, Lance continued to lick while Keith panted and whined above him. Lance wasn’t sure how much stimulation he needed, but he was damn sure he was on the right path when he started to taste something that had a dull sweet taste. When he looked, it was that dark blue liquid oozing out between the calamus like drool. This natural slick Keith made kind of reminded Lance of flavoured lube.

Lance happily lapped it all up. Keith gasped and whimpered, pushing his hips closer to Lance’s skilled mouth. With a particularly hard lick the calamus completely retracted and Lance was licking the hyper sensitive inner walls. Keith’s legs were shaking and he let out a high pitched whine.

Lance pulled back and looked up at Keith. His eyes were clouded with lust. “We should change positions.”

“Y-yeah.”

Keith sat on the bed and Lance quickly moved Keith’s body so his hips were hanging just over the edge of the mattress. He moved on of Keith’s legs over his shoulder and happily went back to eating him out. If that’s even what he was doing right now. Alien sex was weird. But to his credit Lance did try his best to make him feel good. There was just one slight problem.

“Um, Keith?”

“Yeah?” He panted.

“I only see one hole and I’m pretty sure that’s the one your dicks are in. Little help?”

Keith groaned a little and just laid there for a few moments while he tried to regulate his breathing. “The muscles won’t relax until I’m fully unsheathed. It’s just a thing my body does.”

“So… both your dicks need to be out?”

“Yeah.”

“Got it.” Remembering the reaction he got the first time he fingered Keith he very carefully slipped his tongue down the shaft. The reaction was practically immediate. Keith arched his back and clamped his hand over his mouth to muffle his moan. Lance continued to Lick and tongue fuck him until he felt the tips of Keith’s cock’s surge forward and press against his tongue.

Lance quickly sat back and watched as the dark blueish, purple cocks made their appearance again. It looked like they seemed to settle into a corkscrew shape when they were inside his body, but unwound when they were both completely free. Keith made a deep guttural sound that sent shivers down his spine and straight to his own dick, which he’d been neglecting until now.

Lance unzipped his pants and quickly pulled his own cock out, hissing a little when hot flesh met cool bedroom air. He wiped some of the excess slick from around his mouth and started to jerk himself off. This Galran slick was just as good as any man made lube.

Keith panted and whined as his dicks lightly squirmed across his stomach, leaving a thin trail of blue slick behind on his skin. Fuck he looked completely georgous. 

“You look beautiful...” Lance murmured. 

Keith blushed and hid his face behind his arms. “Sh-shut up…”

Lance chuckled and carefully took one of tentacle dicks in his hand and gave it a lick. It was warm, very soft, and he could feel a very strong pulse thumping against his tongue. Nothing like anything he’d ever had in his mouth before. He took it into his mouth and tried to bob his head, but quickly found that this was going to be impossible. It was much too soft so he ended up trying to suck on it instead. This actually worked since the tentacle dick automatically retracted slight when Lance stopped sucking, so he didn’t have to bob his head at all.

He found a good pace and started stroking himself in time with his sucking. Keith was whining and writhing under him, clearly enjoying himself. Suddenly he felt the second tentacle poking and prodding at the corner of his mouth, trying to wriggle its way in to join the first. 

Lance was slightly hesitant to let that happen, bit figured it wouldn’t be too much trouble since the first one wasn’t choking him. The moment he opened his mouth just enough to let the second one in it quickly twisted around the first, making a corkscrew shape in his mouth. Keith’s hands shot to Lance’s head and he laced his fingers in his hair as he quickly wrapped his legs around head locking him in place.

“Oh fuck!” Moaned Keith. “Fuck, Lance your mouth is so good!” Because of the dexterity of his cocks Keith hardly had to thrust his hips anymore than a slight twitch for Lance to feel them thrusting hard into his mouth, hitting the back of his throat. 

He gripped Keith’s thighs as his eyes started to water. It was almost impossible to breathe but oxygen be damned he was actually enjoying deepthroating Keith. He’d given blowjobs before and they had been much more gentle than what Keith was being. It seemed like Keith had unearthed a previously undiscovered kink.

Lance’s orgasm hit him like a punch to the gut. Sudden and unexpected. He came on the floor and let out a low moan. Keith yelped and pushed Lance’s face into his pelvis as a thick, tart liquid filled his mouth and gushed down his chin. Keith’s body practically went limp and Lance detangled himself from Keith’s legs.

He grabbed the tissue box and quickly started to clean himself and Keith. “You okay there kitten?”

“Y-yeah. I’m fine…” Panted Keith. “What’s a kitten?”

“Earth animal. Look it up.”

“Hmmm…”

By the time Lance had finished wiping his face clean Keith had gained enough strength to pull on his underwear and crawl over to his own bed. He looked wrecked and about ready for a nap. Lance kind of wanted to relax for a bit too, but he kind of had a few things to do before his afternoon classes.

“Um… I have to get going.” He told Keith. “I got stuff to do… Do you need anything?”

Keith shook his head and smiled at him. “Nah, I’m good. Do you need help getting off?”

“Oh um… I jerked off while you were trying to cram your tentacle dicks down my throat.”

“Ah, okay… I wasn’t too rough was I?”

Lance shook his head. “Not really. You’re a little softer than I expected, but you might want to ease up a little on the throat fucking. Humans need oxygen and you know, we have a gag reflex.”

“Ah, okay. I’ll keep that in mind next time.”

Lance smiled a little and left the room. He was going to quickly duck into the bathroom to make sure he didn’t have any turquoise coloured cum on his face. That would be hard to explain to anyone that might see him.

***

Keith curled up on his bed and took out his comms pad. He needed to update his profile on Lance. He quickly scrolled down to additional notes and typed away.

**Additional notes:**  
_X1LH needs to sleep around 6 varga’s to function normally. Interrupting this sleep cycle causes irritability. Not recommended. Despite X1LH’s lack of kits he pursues a career that involves looking after very small kits. Are humans naturally drawn to look after offspring that is not related to them? Further investigation is required._

_X1LH experienced a natural human phenomenon called morning wood where the genitalia is stimulated to the point of erection due to subtle stimulation while sleeping and therefore do not experience the need to mate. Further investigation is needed for the following; How often does this occur with males? Do similar things occur with females of the human species? If this is an accidental occurrence do they not orgasm to relieve themselves?_

_X1LH is very skilled with his mouth and did not seem bothered by the taste of Galran sexual secretions. Teeth are slightly abrasive but won’t cause any irritation and or lacerations to gentiles._

Keith read over the information again and smiled to himself. Everything seemed up to date and he was satisfied with it. He saved it and stretched out on his mattress. His biology classes started tomorrow and he was excited to see how that would turn out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any suggestions would be very helpful uwu
> 
> Also something is weird with the editing right now and for some reason it shows the bottom notes from the first chapter here and not in the first chapter? idk small inconvenience.


	3. Cold blooded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith has many, many complaints about how humans function (mostly to do with salt), and Lance discovers the side effects that come when a Galra drinks alcohol. The answer is kind of chilling to say the least. 
> 
> I'm thinking of making Keith experience other weird and wacky human things. Ya'll got any ideas what he might freak the hell out over? Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

Lance ended up walking in on Keith one evening and the poor alien looked like he was going to be sick. He had his biology book in his lap and he looked was paler than usual in his human form. It was a little scary, so Lance dumped his stuff on his bed and sat on his desk chair.

“Okay, what happened?”

“Women.” He muttered.

“Yeah? What about them?”

“They shed their womb lining once a month.” Said Keith in a slightly horrified tone. “They practically have a mini birth once a month until they either die or go through the hormonal withdrawal of menopause… What is with your species bullshit design?”

“That’s just how things are?” He sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair. He knew he was going to regret this. “What does your species do?”

“We reabsorb the lining and redistribute the nutrients through our body. More efficient. Less blood… Also our breeding cycles happen once every few Deca-Phoebs.” Said Keith. “... I worry for your species survival out in space. There are so many species that will kill your women because blood is seen as weakness and weakness means death. You need to hurry up and fix your genetics.”

“How? Breed it out?”

“Well that’s a start… Also, you breathe and swallow food with the same hole? Are you stupid? Did someone just throw a bunch of things into a blender to see what they would get?”

Lance just shook his head. “You happy you decided to be a xenobiologist now?”

Keith groaned and put his head in his hands. “I chose the dumbest, most broken, species this side of the milky way… I should have studied life on Dargatta.”

“What’s on Dargatta?”

“Humanoid aliens that have physical characteristics similar to women and reptiles.” Said Keith calmly. “Their males are half their size and they practice mating cannibalism.”

“... They what?”

“The males of their species can’t ejaculate unless their spines are severed. Therefore the women generally bite their mate’s heads off.”

“... Well I for one am glad you chose the planet where the dominate species doesn’t kill you during sex.”

“Yeah, same…” Muttered Keith. “I mean, we only eat other Galran when they die.”

Lance almost had to do a double take. “Excuse me? You do what now?”

Keith frowned a little. “We eat our dead?”

“Oh god…”

“What? It’s considered an honour to be eaten by our family packs.” Muttered Keith. He crossed his arms and looked mildly offended. “We pick the bones of our loved ones clean and decorate them before putting them in an honour hall… I am guessing humans don’t eat their dead?”

“Fuck no. We are riddled with diseases! We could get AIDS or kuru!”

“... AIDS is that immune system thing right? What’s kuru?”

“It’s kind of like human mad cow disease.” Said Lance. “If we eat an infected human brains we will get so fucked up. Holes in the brain and stuff. You might look it up when you look at diseases.”

Keith nodded and made a note of that. “Humans can’t eat other human brains or they will get fucked up.”

“Glad you made a note of that.” Lance took his own stuff out of his bag and started to go through his notebook. He had a few things he needed to work on before dinner that night. The whole kitchen kind of smelt like pork from a roast Hunk was making. The whole dorm was so tiny, Lance was pretty sure it was a share house at some point, that Hunk could easily make dinner for everyone at least once a week. Though to be honest after talking about cannibalism, pork kind of made him feel a little ill. Damn it Keith. 

Keith sniffed the air and made a pleased sound. He could clearly smell the pork too. “That smells nice. Is Hunk cooking?”

“Yeah.”

Keith smiled and continued to read through his textbook. “Smells really nice. Reminds me of home.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, whenever we have a holiday or celebrate something we roast a coloboro over an open fire.” He had a wistful look on his face. “Man… It’s been too long since I’ve been home…”

“... How old are you?”

“In human years? About… Sixty?”

Lance felt like he’d just been punched in the back of they head. “Excuse me? You’re sixty?”

Keith shrugged. “My species ages slower to humans. Being sixty in Galran years is like being in your early to mid twenties for a human. Look, I did my research when it came to the basic physical growth of humans. I know generally when humans reach adulthood. I wouldn’t screw around with a child. That’s just gross.”

“... Okay fair enough. Still can’t believe you’re sixty. That’s just… Wow…”

Keith shrugged. “When both parties are consenting adults age is just a number.”

“I guess so…”

Suddenly Pidge opened their door. “Yo! What up guys! Either of you doing anything tonight?”

“I’m housebound tonight.” Said Lance.

Keith held up his textbook. “Study.”

“Cool. What are you drinking tonight? Pick your poison.”

“Cyanide.” Said Keith.

“Vodka cruisers.” Said Lance. “The fruity kind. None of that bubblegum crap, or cider. I want something fruity.”

Pidge nodded and quickly started to text someone on her phone. “Alright vodka and or ciders… and what do you want to drink Keith?”

“... I’ll just take whatever Lance is having.”

She nodded and kept texting. “And… done. Matt’s bringing the goods. Remember the house rules when it comes to drinking.” With a smile she happily closed the door and skipped off.

When she was gone Lance flicked a paper ball at him. “Cyanide? Really?”

Keith flinched and glared at him. “She said pick a poison. I don’t know many human poisons. What is she talking about?”

Lance suddenly became kind of worried. “Oh… Can you drink alcohol? Will it fuck you up?”

“I can drink alcohol. I just don’t know what vodka or ciders are… Are they good?”

Lance shrugged. “Well ciders are made from fruit and just straight vodka’s awful, but it’s fine with flavouring.”

“Oh, okay.”

***

Turns out Keith could process alcohol a lot better than Lance gave him credit for. He was easily packing away the drinks and quickly earning the respect of everyone else. But Shiro did cut Keith off after four drinks in a row. Turns out Keith really likes ciders.

Romelle and Allura didn’t end up eating with them that night. Romelle was tired and Allura needed to study. They just took some food and when their room. Matt and Pidge drank so many shots then for some reason they tried to see who could say the periodic table backwards. They both passed out five minutes later. Hunk and Shiro dragged their unconscious asses back to their rooms.

After that Keith wandered back to their room while Shiro, Lance, and Hunk cleaned up the kitchen before they all returned to their rooms. Much to Lance’s surprise Keith was rugged up in a few blankets.

“... You cold or something?” He asked.

Keith nodded. “Yeah. Alcohol makes my species cold.”

“Really?” He walked over and touched Keith’s forehead. He wasn’t freezing or anything, but he was significantly cooler than he probably should be. He noticed that Keith leaned into his hand and made a pleased sound. 

“So humans get warm when they drink alcohol?” He asked.

“Um, yeah.” Lance could feel himself starting to blush. “That’s what alcohol does to us… And you can drink a fair bit. You weren’t even tipsy.”

“We metabolise alcohol faster than humans. If you really wanted to fuck me up you’d give me pure methanol.”

“Pure methanol? Fucking hell Keith, drinking pure methanol will kill a human.”

Keith frowned and leaned harder into Lance’s hand. “I’ll keep that in mind. You guys are so fragile. Anything and everything can kill you.”

Lance shrugged and continued to watch Keith lean into his hand, kind of like a cat. “Well that’s humans for you. So many things can kill us but we’re still alive and kicking. Somehow.”

“Hmmm.” Keith closed his eyes and sighed a little. “Hey Lance? Can we sleep in the same bed tonight? You’re warm and I like it… Unless you don’t want to sleep next to someone cold?”

To be fair his cool skin did feel nice against his. “Sure. My bed or yours?”

“Hmm, mine.” Keith wriggled over so Lance could get in. Lance quickly changed into his pyjamas, a shirt and his boxers, and got into bed with Keith. From living with Keith for a few days he’d quickly learnt that Keith just sleeps in his underwear, and curls up like a cat or dog when he sleeps. It was kind of adorable, but it did mean Keith was trying to curl up against him.

Which was fine. Keith’s skin was really cool. It was like he was a giant cold pack. It was nice to sleep next to. Keith draped his arm over Lance’s chest and hooked one of his legs around Lance’s too and sighed contently.

It was kind of weird how close they were with each other. At least that’s what Lance thought. Galra probably had different ideas about sex compared to humans. He’d probably have to have a bit of a talk with Keith later about this. Suddenly he felt Keith’s tongue on his neck. He froze up as he felt him draw the slightly chilled muscle over his skin.

“K-Keith?”

“Hmm?”

“Um, what are you doing there buddy?”

“Salty.” He mumbled. “Why are humans so salty?”

“Sweat?”

“Hmm…” Keith licked his neck again. “Salty.”

Lance blushed as he felt some of his blood starting to flow south. Perfect. He was pretty sure Keith was kind of drunk. There was no way this alien was fully in control of all his cognitive functions if he was doing this to him. He felt Keith lightly rub his hips up against Lance’s thigh.

“Humans secrete too much salt.” He muttered. “Sodium is important, but you lose way too much. It’s stupid. Dumb. Your species is dumb.”

“Says the twin tentacle dick hermaphrodite.”

Keith chuckled and licked at his collar bone. “Says the weirdo with external reproductive organs. So dumb.”

“You have teeth things down there.”

“You breathe out of the same hole you swallow food. That’s a choking hazard.”

“Yeah well… You’re purple.”

“And you’re brown. What’s your point?”

“...” Lance quickly tried to come up with a snappy comeback. It wasn’t working out that well. “Um… You… Um… Your cum is blue.”

“And you swallowed every last drop.”

“... Hush your face.”

Keith laughed and nuzzled his neck. “Come on Lance. You seemed to enjoy it. You didn’t have any complaints about swallowing it.” He rutted up against Lance a little more. “... Lance?”

“Y-yeah?”

“... Do you want to have sex?” He asked quietly. “I’d like to have sex.”

Lance blushed, but he’d be damned if he were to say he was opposed to that idea. “So alcohol plus human sweat makes Galra’s horny too or something?”

Keith shrugged and slipped his hands up and under Lance’s shirt. “Don’t know. Don’t care. Sex now comb through the data later.” He licked along Lance’s jaw, making a very pleased sound. Lance shivered under him and moaned softly.

“W-what’s with all the licking?” He moaned.

“Hmm? I thought licking was an important part of human sex? You’ve licked me a lot and used your mouth…”

“Well yeah, but we use our mouths more like this.” He turned his head towards Keith and kissed him. Keith froze for a moment when their lips touched, but quickly melted into the kiss. Keith was a little sloppy, but he seemed to quickly adapt. His skin was still cold and it felt strange against his lips, but Lance kind of liked it.

When he moved back slightly Keith’s pupils had dilated slightly and he seemed kind of shocked. “What was that?”

“You’ve been on earth and studying it for how long and you don’t know what kissing is?”

“Been distracted by other more important things… Kiss me again?”

Lance happily kissed him again. He was still a little surprised by how cool Keith’s skin felt. It was otherworldly. In fact it was. Keith was an alien after all. A damn sexy alien that felt cold to the touch and seemed to love the fact that Lance warm and apparently felt nice to Keith.

Keith ran his hands trailed down Lance’s chest and stomach, settling around his hips, gently squeezing and massaging around his hip bones. The alien pressed himself closer to Lance and slowly rolled his hips against Lance’s thigh. He felt a small amount of slick smearing across his thigh. Suddenly he felt two very cold, very slimy, slick covered tentacles rubbing across his thigh.

“Fuck.” Hissed Lance. “You’re really fucking cold.”

“Yeah, I know. Want to help warm them up?” He purred.

Keith was going to be the death of him. Lance moved so they were properly face to face with each other and kissed him some more. Hands were touching, groping, pulling at fabric. Soon they were free of any fabric that they had bothered to wear to bed in the first place, and Keith’s two, slimy appendages quickly wrapped around Lance’s dick. It felt so weird and kind of cold, but still really nice.

Lance moaned softly and Keith took the opportunity to kiss him again. He playfully nipped and licked at Lance’s lips. That action made them both moan and press their hips closer together. Keith’s hand trailed down his hip and ran over his thigh, pulling him closer. Suddenly one of Keith’s tentacles started to travel lower and slip between his cheeks.

A sharp gasp escaped his lips which made Keith pause. “Um… So can I? You don’t have a… So I’d assume that you would… You know, since you don’t have…”

“Y-yeah. It’s um… You’ll need to stretch me first.” Said Lance quickly. “It’s to help relax the muscles and stuff so like it doesn’t hurt or like, rip the muscle and like, you know, bleed…”

“... Human sex is so complicated. Have I mentioned how disappointed I am in the evolution of your species?”

“Trust me, I am disappointed too. I-” Lance gasped in surprise when he felt the tip of one of the tentacles wriggle inside him with little effort. Almost immediately he felt the tentacle start to undulate inside him while Keith hardly moved his hips. Though he knew Keith was enjoying himself. If the blissed out look on his face meant anything by it.

“Fuck, Lance, you’re so warm.” Purred Keith. He pushed his hips a little closer to Lance’s, which in turn forced the tentacle in deeper. Thankfully compared to a human dick, Keith was actually much softer and much more well lubed. Hell actually adding lube to Keith’s dicks would be overkill at this point.

“A-and you’re kind of cold still.” Panted Lance. He shuddered a little when he felt the second tentacle start to try and wriggle in too. Lance hadn’t been double penetrated before. Sure he had thought about it and had on several occasions tried to, but always chickened out at the last second. So he was a little apprehensive about, but didn’t get to voice his worry when he felt the second tentacle dick quickly slip in and quickly slither up and join the other.

Lance quickly put his hand over his mouth when he felt them twist and writhe around inside him. With every twist or thrust he felt at least one of those cold tentacles brushing over his prostate. This was so fucking weird. Lance didn’t know what to make of this new and strange sensation.

“Is that enough?” Asked Keith in a low, almost growling tone.

“Huh?”

“Did I stretch you enough?”

“What?”

Keith rolled his eyes. “Did I stretch you enough?” He asked again.

“... Y-you did realise that I meant fingers and not your tentacle dicks, right?”

“...” Keith went bright red. “You should have said something earlier.”

“Well, your dicks kind of just decided to shove themselves up my ass before I could explain that I meant fingers.”

“Right… So… Is this bad?” Asked Keith. He sounded a little worried now. “Can you not… Did I hurt you because I didn’t use my fingers?”

Lance was kind of touched by how worried Keith was getting over him and gently kissed his cheek. “No, it’s fine. Really. I can still get off just…”

“Just?”

“... Fuck me the same way you fucked my mouth.” He practically whispered. It was kind of embarrassing to admit that to Keith, but Keith was pretty dense when it came to human social norms, so he probably wouldn’t understand that he was embarrassed.

Keith seemed surprised but nodded and firmly gripped Lance’s hips and started to thrust. Lance moaned and put his hand over his mouth again as he felt the tentacles quickly twist into a corkscrew shape inside him and roughly thrust into him the same way he thrusted into his mouth. It felt fucking amazing. Still kind of cold, but amazing. Just like before, he hardly had to thrust into him to actually make it feel like he was actually thrusting into him.

“Fuck, you’re so warm.” Keith moaned into Lance’s ear. “So fucking warm you’re making me melt.”

“Y-yeah? Well your dicks are still fucking cold.”

“You love it anyway.” He lightly bit at Lance’s lips and thrust particularly hard into him. He hit his prostate dead on and Lance let out a small yelp before he quickly covered his mouth again. Keith paused for a second and gave him a concerned look. “A-are you okay?”

Fuck, Lance was too close for Keith to just suddenly slowly down to a grinding halt. Stupid Galra with their stupid amount of physical control. “S-someone’s gonna hear us…” He muttered. “Someone’s gonna know we’re fucking...”

“... So you want us to be quiet so we can keep going?”

“... Yeah.”

Keith nodded slowly as he thought this over. “Yeah, okay. I think I got it.” He quickly crashed their lips together and quickly started his harsh pace again. Either hitting or rubbing over his prostate with every hit. Lance whined into the kiss as he desperately clung to Keith’s back. 

Suddenly he arched his back and silently screamed and came with a shudder. His sudden release made Keith hold him close as he too came with a shaky moan. The two of them stayed still with their bodies pressed against one another for a moment to catch their breaths. 

With a slight groan Keith pulled out of Lance and collapsed next to him. It felt so weird when he pulled out. Definitely not like anything he had experienced before in his life. Now he was dead tired. Too tired to actually get up and clean himself off. Hopefully Keith wouldn’t mind. He felt Keith drape his arm over his chest and lightly nuzzled his cheek. He still felt kind of cold, but the cold was very welcome.

“Can I just sleep here tonight?” He asked the Galran.

“Sure.” Said Keith in a slightly drowsy manner. “You’re warm. It’s nice.”

Lance blushed a little when he said that but easily fell asleep. He was tired and needed to catch some sleep before classes tomorrow. He had mid morning classes so he should be okay to clean himself up and make sure he could still walk around. Sex with Keith shouldn’t have fucked up his ass too badly, right?

***

When he was sure that Lance was completely asleep, Keith quickly retrieved his comms pad and quickly made some notes

**Additional notes:**   
_Despite a human's restrictive anatomy X1LH wasn’t opposed to being on the receiving end during mating. It’s unknown at this point if all humans are the same or if it’s only part of the human population. Further investigation is needed to obtain the needed data._

_Humans also seem to be able to digest alcohol, but in much smaller amounts than the average Galra. They become inebriated rather quickly and act loud and irrational. It is also important to note that their body temperature seems to increase. Not to a point of concern, but enough for it to be noticeable. Completely opposite to when Galra consume alcohol. Will investigate alcohol and its effects on humans both positive and negative in the near future._

_X1HL also seems to enjoy “kissing” during sex and it does seem to be a relatively important part of human mating rituals to help establish; bonds, comfort, and to smother the moans of a partner during sex as to not alert other humans to what they are doing. Are humans ashamed of sex? Is sex seen as shameful among humans and not pleasurable and normal like Galran’s? Further investigation is needed._

_In addition, what is it with humans and not being able to retain salt in their bodies? It is not an important mineral? Human diets are complicated and it might be more efficient to make a list of things they cannot eat rather than what they can._

Keith nodded in satisfaction and hid his comms pad back under some books. When he was satisfied that it was well hidden he curled back up against Lance. This weird, weird alien was still kind of warm and damn it he was going to absorb as much of Lance’s warmth as he could.


	4. Cupcakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith learns how to cook and Lance figures out something very important about himself. Your ideas are always welcome and I love thinking about how Keith would react to different human things. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

Lance was slowly getting used to Keith and his unusual habits. For one, Keith had found out that a butcher’s at the local mall sold bones if you asked for it, so he’d bought a bone home for himself and did spend a few hours sitting on his bed gnawing at it like a dog. In about an hour he completely stripped it of any meat and all the cartilage. From there it took him less than five minutes to suck out the marrow. 

Still he continued to chew it, so as a joke, Lance bought Keith some dog dental chews. He felt stupid for not realising that Keith would actually eat the damn things without a second thought. He said it was similar to how Galra cleaned their teeth anyway.

Then there was the fact that Keith’s eyes glowed in the dark like a damn cat. It was fucking spooky when he acidentally used the flash on his camera and Keith looked like a damn monster. It was pretty fucked up, but still kind of interesting.

However, Lance had to put a stop to Keith’s weird behaviour when he walked in on Keith eating an orange… With the peel on. He was eating it like an apple and didn’t seem to give a shit that he was completely covered in orange juice.

“For fuck’s sake Keith, what the hell is wrong with you?”

“What? I’m eating.”

“You don’t eat oranges with the peel on!”

“Why not? It tastes fine to me.”

“Because humans don’t eat the peel, or the seeds!” Snapped Lance. “Also, you’re getting juice all over your hands and arms!”

Keith frowned a little and started licking the juice running down his forearms. “Better?”

“... No! Wash your hands in the bathroom! I swear it’s like living with an animal sometimes.”

“We are animals you dumb ass… Some of us just evolved from apes while others evolved from gorgraks.”

Lance shook his head and sat at his desk. He didn’t even want to know what Keith was talking about. Whatever a gorgrak was he could only assume it was an angry fucker. For some reason he was imagining a very angry purple chihuahua, but more cat like. “Well you’re going to get all your things sticky and gross.”

“You don’t know sticky until you’ve have to cut your way out of your ship because some weblum fucker sneezed on your ship and glued your door shut.”

“... That sounds very specific. You want to talk about it?”

“No.” Keith continued to eat his orange like an apple. Though Lance had a feeling that it was out of spite now and not because he wanted to eat it. Damn alien.

***

Later that evening Lance was surprised to find Keith helping Hunk in the kitchen. Apparently Keith had approached Hunk earlier and asked to help him learn how to cook since he didn’t know how. Luckily Hunk just assumed that Keith just wasn’t taught how to cook growing up.

He watched the two of them mixing different things in bowls while Hunk went on and on about different food things that Lance really didn’t know anything about. Keith had a blank expression on his face and clearly had no idea what Hunk was talking about either. He just nodded along and followed his instructions.

“And then we can add nutella if you like.” Said Hunk.

“What’s nutella?” Asked Keith.

“Chocolate spread!” Called Lance from his spot on the couch. “Keith’s allergic to chocolate! He’s like a dog! You’ll kill him!” Lance was going to add something Keith killing his ass too, but no. That would have been a little too much and no one else knew he and Keith were sleeping together.

“Really? Damn, okay. No chocolate.” Hunk thought for a moment. “How about marshmallow fluff instead? I think there’s still half a jar in-”

“Pidge ate it!” Called Lance.

Hunk frowned and started to look through the cupboards and fridge to look for a suitable replacement for chocolate in whatever they were making. Some baked good if Lance knew Hunk, which he did. It gave Lance a moment to look at Keith. The poor alien had a streak of batter through his tied back hair, he had some flour on his face and some icing sugar on his shirt.

After a while Hunk passed Keith a bowl of icing sugar, milk, and a whisk. “Here. Whisk this.” Hunk went back to searching for stuff. Keith hummed a little and whisked everything around until it all turned a bright blue colour. It kind of looked like it was turquoise in colour. 

Seeing the runny icing made Lance’s throat go dry. It reminded him way too much of Keith’s cum. Keith seemed to notice this too. The alien looked over at Lance and smirked at him. He dipped his finger into the icing, let it run and roll across his fingers before very carefully licking it off. The entire time his eyes were locked with Lance’s. That damn bastard knew what he was doing.

“Hmmm, hey Hunk? This is a little too sweet.” He said.

“Oh? Not really a huge sweets fan? How about we add some lemon juice to the icing?” Suggested Hunk. “Plain vanilla cupcakes with blue lemon icing?”

“Sounds perfect.” While Hunk mixed in some lemon juice Keith called Lance over. “Hey Lance, come here and try this icing out.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

“You sure?” Asked Hunk. He tried some of the icing and nodded to himself. “It turned out pretty good. Kind of tart. Should balance the sweetness of the cake out really well.”

Keith hummed a little as he lifted the whisk out of the bowl and let it fall back into said bowl in thin, sticky strings. “Come on Lance. Don’t be a wuss and try my blue goo.”

Lance’s body betrayed him when his dick twitched at the prospect. “Try my blue goo? Damn Keith, you’re lucky that stuff isn’t white or I’d have to tell dorm daddy you were sexually harassing me.”

Hunk rolled his eyes and gestured for Keith to get to scooping cupcake batter into the baking tray. “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only mature one around here…”

***

Hunk and Keith ended up making lots of cupcakes and everyone in the dorm was thrilled to grab a few. A lot of them ended up sitting around the lounge room eating said cupcakes and commenting on Keith’s first baking attempt. Keith looked very proud of himself.

“Thanks. I never really learned how to cook. No one bothered to teach me.” He admitted.

“Parent’s too busy?” Asked Pidge as she reached for another cupcake. “My folks were always really busy growing up.”

Keith shrugged. “I grew up in the foster system… Got moved around a lot. Never stayed at any one place for more than a year.”

“... Oh. Well these cupcakes are really good. Hunk can teach you all the cooking basics.”

Hunk nodded in agreement. “Yeah. I’ll teach you the basics; how to boil an egg, make bread, cook chicken. That kind of stuff. It’ll be fun.”

“I’d like that.”

Eventually Keith went and hoarded about half a dozen cupcakes and escaped to his room. It was kind of silly to watch him go and do that. When he eventually made his way back into his room he watched the lump that was hidden under the covers. He chuckled and sat on his desk chair and tossed a crumpled up ball of paper at the lump that as Keith.

Keith popped his head out of the covers and glared at Lance. Keith had icing all over his face. “What?”

Lance chuckled a little and gestured to his face. “You got icing all over your face. I’d almost think you came on your face if it wasn’t for all the cake there too.”

Keith frowned and wiped his face with the back of his hand. “I don’t have cum on my face. Dick.”

“Whatever you say Keith… So are you really an orphan?”

The Galra nodded and ate another cupcake. “Yeah. Kind of? My mother is a pilot in the Galra army and I’m unsure of who my father actually is. Pretty sure he isn’t Galra though.”

“Why?”

“Because if he had died and was Galra his bones would be in the family honour hall.” Said Keith in a matter of fact kind of way. “Anyway, since my mum wasn’t around to raise me I was put into our version of foster care… Kind of difficult since I’m considered a runt… I’m kind of small… Which is another reason why I think my father wasn’t Galran.”

Lance nodded a little. “I see… Wait, didn’t you say half Galran’s look female?”

Keith seemed surprised. “Oh? You remembered that? Well, not all half Galra look female. Statistically it’s ninety nine percent of half galra are female presenting. I’m part of the ten percent that’s male presenting… Not sure how I would present after I have a kit… if I have a kit…”

For some reason Keith seemed kind of sad when he talked about kits, which Lance assumed was the Galran word for kids. It seemed like a kind of touchy subject for him. “Oh? You’re thinking about having kids? … Wait… Are we just fucking so you can have a kid?”

Keith rolled his eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself. I’m on some really powerful prescription meds to make sure I don’t get knocked up with an alien baby. I’ll be lucky if I don’t fry my egg sacks by the end of this.”

“Your what?”

“Oh, um… ovaries. My ovaries are probably completely burnt out by my meds.”

“... Shit. That’s really fucked up.”

Keith shrugged. “I signed a waiver. I have a few dozen eggs saved up in a crio-storage somewhere… Just means if I ever want kits it’s going to take a lot more steps… Kind of annoying, but yeah. Not much I can do about that.”

“... Seriously?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. You really think I’d be screwing around with other species if there was a chance I could get knocked up? I’d rather not have to go and talk to my professors while I have some screaming kit tugging at my arm.”

“Oh, I guess that makes sense?” He grabbed a tissue box off the desk and walked over to Keith. “Here.”

“... I am not trading you my cupcakes for tissues.”

Lance rolled his eyes, took one of the tissues out, and rubbed Keith’s face with it. “You are a messy eater. If we get ants in here it’s going to be your fault. Shiro’s not going to be impressed at all if that happens.”

Keith huffed but let Lance clean his face. “Well excuse me for wanting to eat in my nest. It is peaceful here and people don’t bother me… Apart from you.”

Lance shook his head and continued to clean Keith’s face. “Oh hush you. Bed’s are for sleeping and sex. Not for getting crumbs in.”

The alien poked his tongue out at him. “Fuck off. Nests are nests.”

“...” Lance, being the ass hole he was grabbed hold of Keith’s tongue and glared at him. “Look here ya little shit. If we get an ant infestation in here because of you I will smack you right in the face. One damn summer living in an ant infested room was enough of a nightmare for me. I am not doing that again you purple alien fuck. Understand?”

Keith stared at him with wide eyes and nodded.

“Good.” He let go of his tongue and finished cleaning Keith’s face. “There. All clean now.”

“... Thanks.” After a few seconds, Keith took a cupcake out from under the blanket and offered it to him. “Here… Take it.”

Lance was a little confused, but he took it anyway. “Thanks?”

Keith nodded and quickly hid under the blankets again. He was such a strange thing. Too bad Lance couldn’t find any information on Galrans. He would have liked to have read something about the. It would have been useful to figure out what was going on with Keith. With a sigh, Lance out the cupcake on his bedside table and went to bed.

***

After what felt like only a moment of sleep he felt something heavy on his chest. He opened his eyes and was surprised to see Keith staring down at him with his big yellow eyes. He looked content to just sit there in his underwear as he gently scratched and pulled at Lance’s pyjama shirt.

“... You want something Keith?”

“Sex?”

“...You want sex?”

“Yeah.” He tugged a little harder at Lance’s shirt. “Off. Now.”

“Give me a second...” Lance slowly sat up and Keith moved so he was sitting in Lance’s lap. It was then Lance noticed that in the dark room Keith had dropped his disguise and looked completely alien once again. He ran his fingers through his hair and lightly touched his ears. Keith, despite how alien he was, was beautiful.

Keith leaned into his touch and closed his eyes. He just seemed to adore the feeling of someone touching his hair. It was adorable. Lance loved it. He gently cupped Keith’s face and kissed him. Keith quickly reciprocated. It was a lot smoother than the first time they kissed. Keith seemed to be a fast learner. He still tasted like cupcakes.

“You taste good kitten. I could just eat you up right now.”

“Why don’t you give it a go?” He purred. “You seemed to love choking on my dicks.”

Lance was about to make a smart quip, but he quickly lost his voice he felt Keith’s tentacle dicks slip out from their underwear and slither over his lower stomach. Yeah, Keith wanted him. He wanted him badly.

“You’re way too horny for your own good there kitten.” Said Lance in a low voice. “I’m almost worried you’ll sneak off and find someone else to satisfy you.”

That made Keith laugh. “Jealous much? How interesting. So do humans claim mates now?”

“I’ll talk to you about marriage later.” He kissed Keith’s neck. “You don’t want to talk about that now, do you?”

Keith hummed in agreement and moved back to remove his underwear, and Lance quickly did the same. He took a moment to drink in Keith’s silhouette in the dark. He wasn’t able to see all of Keith’s details in the light, but he could tell that Keith was perfect. Nothing about him was wrong or strange. Even with his tentacle dicks were fine with him. It fed into his kinks which was a bonus. Lance would have been happy to be with Lance even if he was just a normal human.

“What are you staring at?” Asked Keith curiously. 

“You’re gorgeous…”

“...” Keith looked away. He seemed to be embarrassed. “Shut up and fuck me.”

Lance chuckled and gently pulled Keith back onto his lap. “I don’t think so. You woke me up for this. You want my dick, you do the work.”

Keith pouted, reluctantly climbed back onto Lance’s lap, and lightly grinded against his cock. The two of them shuddered and moaned. Lance probably more so than Keith. Feeling Keith’s tentacle dicks wrap around his own cock made Lance shudder. It felt amazing having them grope, touch, and squeeze him. It was almost as good as actually fucking him.

“Oh fuck! K-Keith!” He moaned.

Keith grinned and kissed his cheek as he quickly raised his hips up a little higher. Lance felt Keith’s tentacles very gently move his dick in place, then he suddenly sat down, fully engulfing Lance’s cock in one go.

The two of them moaned loudly before quickly going silent and nervously looking around the room. Like someone might have heard them, which they probably did. When they caught each other’s eye they shared a nervous laugh.

“We’re a little loud huh?” Asked Keith breathlessly.

“Yeah.” Said Lance with a grin. “Someone had to have heard that. We’re so screwed tomorrow.”

“Probably. But I don’t care. I just want to fuck.” Keith very slowly started to move his hips. It felt like heaven inside of Keith. It had to be something about Galra anatomy. Way tighter than a pussy, and better than any ass. Galra’s were amazing. Keith seemed to feel the same way about human dicks if the way he arched his back and moaned was any indication. “Fuck yeah. So fucking good.”

Lance bit his bottom lip as he held Keith’s hips and started to thrust up into him. It made Keith squeak a little in surprise, but he quickly melted into it. He was pretty much just letting Lance fuck him now with hardly any effort on his part anymore.

“Sh-shit!” Keith whined. “I-I’m not going to last! I’m-” Keith sank down as far as he could go on Lance and came with a loud moan, which Lance only just managed to muffle by forcing their mouths together in a heated kiss. The muscles inside Keith quickly spasmed, squeezed, and contracted around his dick. He practically milked his dick and forced his dick to cum deep inside him. It made Lance moan in absolute pleasure. 

The two of them ended up flopping down onto the mattress and Lance held Keith close. The Galra purred in contentment and nuzzled his cheek. Lance chuckled a little at this gesture and kissed his cheek. Which in turn made Keith purr louder.

It made Lance smile and gently ran his fingers through his hair, lightly touching his ears. They wiggled when he touched the tips. Keith was absolutely adorable. Keith was adorable. He was just so… Everything about him made him smile. Even his weird little Galra mannerisms like eating oranges whole, freaking out about human anatomy, calling his bed a nest, hoarding cupcakes, and just teasing him in general.

That’s when he felt a small pang in his chest. This was not good. This was not good at all. “Oh…”

“Hmm? What is it?”

“... I think I like you.”

Keith hummed and lightly nuzzled his neck. “I like you too.”

***

Lance’s eyes snapped open when his alarm went off. He quickly slammed his hand down on it and looked over at Keith. As usual in the mornings Keith was fully clothed and reading his biology textbook for the millionth time. He glanced over at Lance and gave him a little nod as a form of saying good morning.

“... You just stayed in bed the whole night. Right?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. I just got up to use the bathroom like, once. Why?”

“... No reason.” Okay, that time it was totally a wet dream. There was no reason for Keith to lie about not fucking . Keith seemed to be pretty open about that part of their weird fuck buddy relationship. 

Lance quickly looked under his bedsheets to make sure that he did indeed have a wet dream. Turns out that he was correct. He groaned a little in annoyance but quickly got up and changed into something clean. He needed to do a load of washing today too.

He stuffed his laptop and a few books into his book bag and went to head out. Damn early classes. He’ll shower once he gets back. “You all good there Keith?”

Keith thought for a moment before he gestured to the cupcake Lance left on his bedside table. “You didn’t eat it. Go and throw it out or we’ll get ants.”

“Oh right…” Lance picked it up and just decided to eat the damn thing. It would save him from having to quickly rummage through the cupboards to try and find something to eat. “See you later tonight. Okay? Don’t touch my stuff.”

Keith rolled his eyes and reached for something under his bed. “Relax Lance. I don’t want to look for your stuff.”

“Good.” Lance quickly left the room. He wasn’t sure, but he kind of felt that maybe, just maybe, he might have had a small crush on Keith.

***

**Additional notes;**  
_X1LH has strange dreaming habits. It takes a lot of time for him to reach REM sleep. It doesn’t take too long for him to go from stage one to stage two of NREM sleep. I would like to properly monitor the brainwaves of X1LH but I highly doubt he will let me stick wires on his head at the moment._

_I still need to collect samples from X1LH. These samples include; blood, hair, skin, urine, and nails. If possible I would also like to collect bone marrow samples, spinal fluid, and if possible a small piece of brain tissue._

_The place where I am conducting field research has several already dead specimens stored in one of the buildings. I could possibly collect additional samples from them instead of from X1LH if the collection procedure is deemed too painful to the subject. _

Keith looked back over to Lance’s bed and smiled a little. He couldn’t help but think that Lance looked cute when he was sleeping. It reminded him of a yupper pup. All wiggly, whiny, kicking and squirming in his sleep. It was cute.

_X1LH tosses and turns a lot in his sleep. I wonder if humans can dream? If they can dream, what do they dream about? Do they dream vivid colour? Black and white? Dreams of things that they cannot even start to understand?_

_Does X1LH dream of me?_

“...” Keith quickly backspaced the last sentence. That one wasn’t very professional. He’d probably raise a few eyebrows if anyone looked over his notes. They’d probably think he was starting to get a little close to his test subject.


	5. Halloween party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith gets an education about what Halloween is and pretty much eats everything that isn't chocolate. While our resident human test subject starts to wonder if our alien has more test subjects out there... Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

“Halloween party!” Yelled Romelle and Matt as they ran through the dorm with flyers. They practically tossed them all over the place. “Halloween party! Halloween party! Halloween party!”

Lance grabbed one of the flyers and looked it over. There was a halloween party happening that weekend. The town usually had a big Halloween bash every year at the town hall. Everyone was invited since it was a free event, but since it was a college town it was mostly drunk young people in crappy costumes.

He wondered if this was an event that Keith would be interested in and ducked into their room. Keith was happily writing something in his notebook and hummed happily. He glanced up at Lance and nodded. “Hey. What’s with all the yelling?”

“Romelle and Matt are super excited about the Halloween party. Thought you might want to go?”

Keith thought for a moment. “Huh… Okay. That’s an earth holiday, right?”

“Yep.”

“What’s it about?”

Lance quickly looked up some information on his phone. “Um… No one really knows how it started but most agree it was like, to celebrate the harvest and stuff… Then there would be sacrifices to harvest gods and people wore masks to scare of evil spirits. They’d also carve pumpkins to light the way for spirits to go to the afterlife. Oh and some religious people hate it because they think it encourages evil and stuff. But in reality most people just use Halloween as an excuse to wear costumes and eat candy.”

“... Huh, sounds a lot like Krakrah.” Mused Keith. “Will there be fighting and lots of bloodshed?”

“Only fake blood. No one dies.” Lance knew he was going to regret asking. “So what’s Krakrah?”

“Ancient festival where the bravest and strongest are chosen to fight to the death to celebrate the year’s harvest. Lots of people die each year. We have made it to less people die, but people still do. Can’t be avoided. Then we eat lots of food. We also pain out faces in our clan’s war paint in respect to the dead.” Said Keith. He smiled fondly at his memories. “It’s always a fun time.”

“Okay… What if I told you that you could walk around as an alien and no one would bat an eye on Halloween?”

“I’d call you a filthy lying piece of shit. Continue.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “Anway, humans usually wear costumes of all kinds of things; monsters, aliens, celebrities, game characters… You would fit right in without your human disguise. Hell, I’ll even slap a barcode on myself and we’ll say you abducted me.”

“But I did abduct you?”

“Yeah, but no one needs to know that. So what do you say? You dress as an alien and I’ll dress as the dumb fuck you abducted? It’ll be fun.”

“... You are a strange man. But I will think about it.”

“Sweet.”

***

The night of the party everyone was putting the finishing touches on their costumes. Shiro was going as the Winter Soldier, Romelle was Zelda (breath of the wild zersion), Allura was a vampire, Hunk was ninja turtle, and the Holt siblings were Mario and Luigi. Lance dressed himself up in what one would consider typical redneck fashion and got Pidge to drawer a barcode on his arm.

“You sure Keith’s going to be an alien?” She asked.

“Totally. Why wouldn’t he?” Truthfully Lance didn’t know if Keith would actually drop his human disguise or not for this. He did have high hopes, but there was still some hope.

As if on cue Keith walked out into the common area. He was wearing his normal clothes, but he had dropped his disguise, giving him a more casual alien look. “So… How do I look?” He asked.

“Like you just grabbed a cat costume and painted it purple.” Said Pidge. “Good job.”

“Yeah, you look good Keith.” Said Shiro. “I love the ears.”

“Oh, thanks.” Keith smiled a little and touched his ears. “Took a while to get them like this.”

“And you’re done.” Said Pidge. “You are now tattooed and tracked.”

Lance looked down at the barcode on his arm and grinned. “Awesome. Thanks Pidge.” Keith looked at the barcode and frowned a little. He took the pen off of Pidge and quickly scribbled a few letters and numbers on his arm. Lance raised an eyebrow. “XL1H?”

“Yeah. X; xeno. 1; first test subject. L; Lance. H; human.” Said Keith. “X1LH. Gotta give the dumb ass that steped into my retractor beam some kind of identifyer, right?”

Lance stared owlishly at him in utter astonishment. Truthfully Keith had to have had some way of identifying him if he was his test subject. This was probably Keith’s actual identification for him. “Oh, thanks.”

The group ended up going to the party and pretty much scattered. The Holt siblings seemed to be determined to go to every stall and get every piece of candy. Shiro happened to meet up with Adam, who was dressed as Captain America. Romelle and Allura raced over to the dance floor which left Lance alone with Keith.

Keith seemed to be a little overwhelmed with everything if how tightly his ears were pinned against his head was any indication. “This is… This is interesting…” He quickly side stepped a few kids that ran past with their parents quickly in tow.

It was interesting to see the poor guy flounder. Lance just chuckled and patted his back. “Let’s get some candy in you. No chocolate though.”

Keith nodded in agreement and followed Lance around to some food stalls. He introduced Keith to caramel apples. Turns out, Keith loved them. He happily ate three before Lance moved him along. They ended up walking into Nyma, a girl from one of Lance’s classes. She was dressed as the typical sexy red riding hood.

“Hey Lance. Cool costumes. What are you guys meant to be?” She asked.

Lance grinned. “Your stereotypical alien abductee, and Keith here is the alien that abducted me.”

Keith shrugged. “To be fair I wasn’t trying to abduct a human. My scanners were set to picking up vegetation. Still picked him up anyway.”

She chuckled a little. “Cool. Is your alien costume based off anything? It looks pretty neat.”

“Oh um… Just threw it together really.”

“Cool.” She grinned. “Oh, you two should enter the costume competition! There’s single’s, couples, and group prizes! You guys could at least get second or third place in the couples category.”

“We’ll think about it.” Said Lance. “Where’s Rolo?”

“He’s been roped in to sell bags of candy.”

“Rough.” He grabbed Keith’s hand and tugged him towards where more candy was. “Let’s go and see Rolo and get some more candy! Later Nyma! Watch out for the big, bad wolf!”

“I’ll be fine! I’m packing bear mace!” She called as she walked off into the crowd. Nyam was scary sometimes.

“What’s a costume competition?” Asked Keith. “That’s like where everyone looks at us and judges us on what we are wearing, right?”

“Yeah. You interested?”

Keith shook his head. “No… Just not being in disguise now is kind of… I’d rather not have lots of people seeing me.”

“Totally understand my dude. Plus it is kind of cheating since you are a real purple cat alien.”

“I’m not a cat you dumbass.”

“Close enough.”

“... Asshole.”

They found Rolo selling bags of candy and Lance bought a few for Keith to try. He was interested to see what the Galran thought of the candy. Much to Lance’s horror it seemed like Keith’s favourite candy was candy corn. The heathen. But he also liked gummy rings and sour gummy worms so Keith was somewhat redeemed. 

“... There is way too much chocolate here.” Keith complained. “This whole place would be considered an orgy festival or something by galra standards…”

“Just wait until Valentine’s day. Nothing but flowers and chocolate as far as the eye can see.”

“Valentine’s day?”

“Yeah. It’s named after a saint and it’s to celebrate love. It’s this big love holiday… So I guess that would probably be considered the orgy festival rather than Halloween?”

Keith nodded in agreement. “Yeah, that sounds like a sex festival.”

“Do Galra have something like that?”

“It’s a fertility festival, but yeah… It’s more to celebrate adolescents becoming adults rather than fucking.”

“Huh, makes sense I guess?”

Keith nodded a little and looked over at one of the stalls. “... What is that?” He pointed over to a stall that was selling giant gummy worms, anacondas, giant lollipops and all the other kinds of stupid giant candy things.

“Gummy worm?”

“I want it.”

“... Okay, but it’s the last bit of candy I’m buying you.” Lance bought the gummy worm and handed it to Keith. The alien made a small trill noise and happily bit into it like an animal biting the neck of their prey. Lance hoped that all this sugar wasn’t going to completely wreck Keith. “So… you just going to eat that all by yourself?”

“...” With a bit of difficulty Keith twisted and pulled off about a third of the gummy worm and offered it to Lance. “Here?”

“Thanks.” Lance took it and took a bite out of it. He wasn’t a huge fan of gummy worms, but Keith was offering it to him. “So, want something to drink? Alcoholic or non alcoholic?”

“I’ll have what you’re having.”

Lance nodded and gestured over to a tree. “You stay there and wait for me. Don’t run off.”

Keith shrugged and stood by the tree. He happily ate his gummy worm. He looked content to do so. Lance smiled and walked down to the only place that was selling alcohol and bought a cider for the two of them.

When he walked back to Keith he was surprised to see that Nyma was talking to him. She was a bit of a flirt and considering the way she was standing with her hip popped out and batting her eyelashes at him, she was obviously flirting with him. Keith might have been flirting back, but he actually seemed to be a little more protective of his gummy worm.

She put her hand on Keith’s shoulder and a small pang of jealousy made itself present in Lance’s chest. This was stupid. He shouldn’t feel like that. Being jealous was dumb. Keith hadn’t expressed that he even liked him like that. He probably didn’t anyway. Galra probably had way different standards when it came to picking partners anyway.

He walked over to Keith and Nyma with a smile on his face. “Hey Nyma. You just suddenly popped up again? Here you go Keith.” He handed Keith the drink, which the alien gladly took.

Nyma shrugged and held up a bag of doughnut holes. “Just ran into Keith after I picked up some doughnut holes for Rolo. Thought I’d say hi to Keith since you left him all alone.” She playfully bumped her hip against Keith’s and grinned when he got a little flustered. Which made Lance feel just that little more jealous. Damn it Nyma. 

He took a quick sip of his cider. “I see…”

She nodded. “Yep. Well I gotta get going. Still want these doughnut holes to be warm when he gets them. Enjoy your night boys!” She happily skipped off and Lance stood next to Keith. 

“So um… Nyma looks like she likes you somewhat…”

Keith shrugged. “I guess.”

“... Are you going to start having sex with women too?” He asked.

Keith frowned and drank some more. “I don’t know… I mean, I probably should for research reasons, but I just… Look, no offence to how your species has evolved but it looks kind of mutilated to me and just not something I want to stick my dicks in… I think I prefer my partners to have at least one dick… Not none…”

“Okay.” Well, Lance didn’t have to worry any woman taking Keith’s interest.

“Besides, since my species presents as female after they get pregnant any time I see a female presenting human all I can think is that they are mothers and probably have their own mate anyway.” Said Keith. “And female presenting Galra are the ones that make a move on male presenting Galra. It’s mostly a social convention to make sure that fights won’t break out.”

“Huh… Alright?” Galran society was weird.

“Yeah.” Keith took another sip of his drink and laughed. “So you can only imagine how weird it is for me to see all these women dressed in these really skimpy outfits. I’m just here thinking; you’re all mothers. Why are you doing this?”

Lance couldn’t help but snort when Keith said that. “Yeah, okay. I can see how this is all very weird to you.”

“I know, right?”

The two of them laughed and stood around in a comfortable silence. Keith’s shoulder was pressed against his arm. He felt kind of cold. Probably just the alcohol making him feel cold. It was kind of nice. Lance finished his drink and gently tugged on Keith’s wrist. 

“Dance with me?”

“I don’t dance.”

Lance rolled his eyes and tugged Keith over towards the dance floor. “What? Galra got no rhythm?” 

Keith rolled his eyes. “I just don’t dance. Dancing for fun isn’t really part of Galran culture. We have war dances and stuff, but not for fun. This is really weird to me.”

Lance chuckled a little and dragged Keith into the middle of the dance floor. “Let’s have some fun. Move your hips to the music.” It took a little bit of convincing but he eventually got Keith to loosen up a little and he was kind of moving and dancing around a little to the music. It made Lance grin. Keith did look happy enough, if not somewhat awkward. “Having fun?”

Keith smiled at him. “Yeah. This isn’t too bad.”

“Knew you would like it.” Suddenly Pidge jumped on Lance and almost knocked him to the ground. “BITCH!”

She cackled and straightened her hat. “Sup bitch boy. Been anal probed yet?”

He rolled his eyes and poked her face. “Hush green Mario.”

Pidge narrowed her eyes at him. “... You dare insult the name of Luigi? If it weren’t for the laws of this land I would kill you where you stand.”

Lance poked his tongue out at her. “So what are you up to? Where’s Matt?”

“He found a girl dressed like Peach and went to flirt with her.” She said. “So how are you going?”

“Pretty good. We ran into Nyam, ate way too much candy and now we’re here.”

“Who is we?” Asked Pidge.

“Me and Keith of course.”

Pidge looked around. “... Oh, there he is.” She pointed to the side of the dance floor where Keith was talking with Shiro and Adam. Shiro had his hand on Keith’s head and was smiling at him. Adam was laughing and holding two beers. One probably belonged to Shiro. Keith didn’t look alarmed or annoyed that his head was being touched. To be honest that kind of annoyed Lance and he didn’t know why. 

Then again, outside of having sex they didn’t really spend much time with each other. This was probably the most time they had spent together without one of them going down on the other. Which was kind of weird. In fact, outside of the bedroom Keith probably spent most of his time with Shiro.

Which kind of made Lance suspicious. Okay, granted Lance knew he probably wasn’t going to be Keith’s only test subject, but damn it he kind of felt like he was special. He was the first human Keith interacted with. The first one that knew Keith was an alien. That knew his Galra name… Was he sharing that kind of stuff with Shiro?

“... He and Shiro get along pretty well, huh?”

“Yeah. Keith’s always hanging out with Shiro when he isn’t with Adam. They got close pretty quickly… You thinking something scandalous is happening?”

“What? No I… No. I don’t think so.” Said Lance. “Shiro’s loyal to a fault and would never cheat on Adam….” The two of them walked over to the trio. “Hey guys.”

“Hey you two.” Said Adam. “Enjoying the party?”

Pidge nodded and gave him a small salute. “You know it Cap. Any kids try to get photos with you two?”

Adam nodded. “Yeah. We got a few mini Avengers posing with us. The mum's really seemed to love it.”

“Aw, that’s sweet.” Said Pidge. "Either of you hero's wanna help me find Mario?”

“Sure.” Said Shiro. He smiled at Keith and patted him on the back. “Remember, try and wander back to the dorm around midnight. Okay?”

Keith nodded. “Okay.” 

The trio walked off and Lance smiled a little at Keith. “So… You and Shiro have been getting along pretty well…”

“Yeah. I’d like to think so.” Said Keith. “X2SH is pretty unique since he is missing an arm and I find it interesting to see how he has adapted to a world where you need two arms to function normally, yet you don't have the technology to make the seamless transitions from living tissue to metal and plastic.”

“... Oh? He’s a test subject too?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. Everyone in the dorm is a test subject.” He started counting everyone off on his fingers. “There you obviously, X1LH, X2SH, X3PH, X4HH, X5AH, X6RH, X7MH, and X8AH.”

“... Wait, the second letter is the first letter of our name, right? You have two A’s. How do you tell the difference between Allura and Adam?”

“Oh I went by chromosomes.” Said Keith. “In general humans that are biologically female have two of the same chromosomes so I gave her the even numerical designation while Adam is male and males generally have one X and one Y, so he got the uneven numerical designation. It made sense to me.”

“... Alright. So does that mean everyone in the house knows about… About all this?” He gestured to all of Keith and the alien quickly shook his head.

“No. You’re still the only one that knows.” Reassured Keith. “I’m just making passive observations with them… Mostly… I did kind of move some of Pidge’s stuff to see her reaction…”

“Ah, okay.” Well Lance did feel a little better knowing that Keith was just observing everyone else and wasn’t going to try and have sex with them.

“Are you jealous?” Asked Keith.

Lance blushed. “Huh? What? Nooooooo. Why would I be-”

“You totally are jealous.” Said Keith with a grin. “You’re jealous of me doing physical research with other humans.”

“Oh you’re calling it physical research now?”

“Don’t try and change the subject.” Keith took a step closer to him and grinned. “You’re jealous that I’m using other people for physical research. How adorable.”

Lance blushed and looked anywhere but Keith’s face. Damn it Keith. Stupid sexy alien. “I um… Shut your face.”

That made Keith laugh. He held onto Lance’s wrist and tried to lead him somewhere quiet. He ended up dragging Lance into a bathroom and pushed him into one of the stalls. When he locked the door behind them he playfully nipped at Lance’s lips. “Cute.”

Lance blushed some more as he lightly gripped Keith’s shirt. “I’m not cute…”

“Very cute.” Said Keith with a smile. “I find that jealously of yours very cute.”

“... You shouldn’t find jealousy cute.”

Keith shrugged and kissed him. “Okay. But I only think your jealousy is cute because it is you.”

“O-Oh?”

“Yeah.” He kissed Lance again. Lance didn’t know if this was Keith’s way of saying that he liked him or something, but Lance would let himself enjoy this moment. Keith’s lips felt good. He let his eyes flutter closed and let Keith continue to kiss and lick down his neck. He still seemed to favour licking over kissing.

Lance moaned softly and pulled Keith’s shirt. “Fuck, your mouth is amazing.”

“Is that all you like about me?” Asked Keith. “My mouth? It’s been months since I’ve gone down on you. Thought you liked my dicks more?” He shoved his leg between Lance’s legs and gently rubbed his thigh against his crotch.

Lance couldn’t stop the whimper that fell from his lips as his hips bucked against Keith’s leg. That just seemed to stoke the fire inside Keith as he licked his lips and started to dig his claws into Lance’s hips. He seemed to enjoy how easy it was to tell when human males were aroused.

“Is this okay?” Keith asked almost in a low growl. “To do something like this here?”

Lance nodded enthusiastically. “Y-yeah. It’s fine.” Keith nodded and started to pull down Lance’s pants. Lance hissed a little when the cold hit his steadily growing erection. Lance moved around so he was leaning against the water reservoir of the toilet. Almost instantly he felt Keith’s hands on him as he gently squeezed and pulled at Lance’s cheeks. “Oh, um, Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“You kind of got long nails at the moment…” He looked over his shoulder and gave Keith a slightly worried look. “Don’t use your fingers… Do what you did before when you fucked me before.”

Keith looked a little surprised before he glanced down at his fingers, probably noting that he did have claws when he wasn’t in his human disguise and that might hurt Lance. “Oh, okay. I get it.” He unzipped his pants and Lance instantly felt the first of the slippery tentacle dicks quickly poking and prodding around his puckered entrance. 

Lance sucked in a quick breath when he felt the first one slip in and start to wriggle and writhe deeper into him. Keith moaned and ran his hands up along Lance’s sides. He seemed to thoroughly enjoy pressing himself against Lance’s body, absorbing as much body heat as he could. He felt Keith gently nip and lick along his neck.

“Fuck, you’re so good.” He moaned into his ear. “Your body is fucking amazing.” He his thrusted forwards and pressed his hips flush against Lance’s ass. The second tentacle squirmed and writhed around, coating the surrounding area in even more slick than the initial tentacle did as it attempted to try and thrust into Lance to join the first. Lance let out a small whimper and Keith gently rubbed Lance’s stomach and thighs in a soothing manner as his tentacle dicks started to thrust into him. Slowly, but with force.

Lance let out small gasps and moans. He tried to thrust back into Keith to try and get him to fuck him faster. Keith chuckled and gently licked Lance’s cheek. “F-fucking hell Keith.” Lance whined. “G-give me more. I need it!”

Keith kissed his cheek. “You want more? I’m already completely flush against your body. What do you want?”

“F-faster!” He almost sobbed. “You need to move faster!”

Almost instantly he felt those amazing tentacles surge inside his body, moving faster and harder than they had any right to. A stream of moans quickly fell from Lance’s lips, but were quickly muffled by Keith shoving his fingers into his mouth. They still tasted slightly sweet from all the candy he was handling earlier.

“You need to be quiet.” Keith panted out. “S-someone might come in and hear you… Touch yourself.”

Lance groaned as he started to jerk himself off. It would have been better he had the wherewithal to collect some of the natural slick Keith had produced that was now running down his thighs, but he was horny as he dick was practically dripping with pre. So it was good enough.

He drooled around Keith’s fingers and made a strangled noise as he felt Keith’s tentacle dicks starting to rub and bump against his prostate till he was seeing spots in his vision. With a strangled whine he came and after a few more thrusts from Keith he felt his dicks quiver and pulse and he released inside him.

“Oh fuck…” He moaned into Lance’s ear. “So fucking good...”

“Mmmm.” Lance groaned around his fingers.

Keith gently nuzzled the side of his head and slowly pulled out. Lance shuddered. It might have just been the second time he bottomed for Keith, but he didn’t think he’d ever get over how weird it felt when Keith pulled out.

Once the two of them had calmed down they started to clean themselves up. Lance realised he probably wouldn’t be able to walk around and enjoy the party much more now that his ass had been thoroughly wrecked and so the two of them decided it might be best to head back to the dorm… But after they went around to the stalls and bought some more candy of course.

***

When the two of them were back in their dorm Lance quickly excused himself to clean himself up in the bathroom. Keith just nodded along and went back into their room to change out of his clothes and into some clean underwear. Once Keith was all settled in he grabbed his comms pad and started making notes.

**Additional notes;**  
_Humans celebrate Halloween. A holiday that was once meant to celebrate the harvest times on their planet. In modern times it is celebrated by dressing as creatures from human fiction and folklore, and eating sugar based foods along with large amounts of chocolate. In addition, many of the adult humans seem to dress up in more lewd costumes that seem to be designed to entice mates. Either that or humans just find it fun to wear skimpy apparel in cold weather._

_X1LH seems to enjoy the festive aspects of Halloween and has informed me about another earth holiday known as Valentines day. It is a festival where humans eat lots of chocolate and have sex with each other. It is interesting to say the least. I will continue to look into human holidays to see if any are similar to Galra holidays._

_X1LH seems to get easily jealous and slightly possessive of the people he sleeps with outside of their mating cycle. Then again humans seem to be like kikartas and do not have a designated mating cycle and can mate and have kits all the time. Which is strange to me. To use a human expression they breed like rodents._

Keith chuckled a little to himself. He felt a little proud to be able to use human phrases like that. It kind of made him felt like he was somewhat fitting in with normal human society. Though he felt he would probably see the humour in his own joke a little more if he actually knew what a rodent was.

_In other news I should probably try and figure how humans show that they like each other? A lot of their courting seems to be around gift giving of the food variety from what I have observed. Perhaps they give each other chocolate to show they like them? It would make sense since they have a love holiday that’s all about chocolate and sex. They do not seem to be like Galra and use intimate touches._

He put his comms pad away and pulled his covers over himself when Lance walked into the room. He was still walking kind of weird, but he did smile at Keith. “Hey. Do you need the bathroom?”

Keith shook his head. “No I’m fine… Thank you for tonight. I had a lot of fun.”

“O-oh? Well that’s good.”

Keith smiled a little at him. “Yeah. Thanks for sticking with me during your weird Halloween holiday thing. I liked it.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.” Keith watched Lance get into his bed and lied down on his side. He was facing the wall and for some reason it bothered Keith. He didn’t like it. He frowned and went over to Lance’s bed, quickly slipping into his bed. 

Lance jumped a little and glanced over his shoulder. “Keith? What the fuck?”

“... I drank alcohol earlier. I’m cold and you’re warm. That’s all.” It was a silly excuse and Keith wasn’t even sure why he wanted to stay in the same bed as Lance, but he wanted to. “Just go to sleep.” 

“Oh… Okay.” Lance relaxed after a few minutes, which in turn made Keith relax. The two of them fell asleep in each other’s arms.


	6. Belated Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So funny story... I was going to do a birthday chapter for Keith, but got too caught up with Halloween excitement (and getting sick af). Then I looked up the birthdays of the paladins for a different fic and thought; "Oh shit I missed Keith's birthday! Fuck!" So then this came about.
> 
> Also, the stuff about horoscopes at the start, all stuff I got from some horoscope book my sister has. So all that information is as accurate as a horoscope cane be. Which in all honesty made me bust a gut laughing. When you read it you'll see what I mean XD
> 
> Also, also, been thinking about doing a chapter fully from Keith's pov. Would ya'll be interested in that or do you want me to keep doing what I'm doing with Lance's pov for most of it and then Keith doing his little alien summary thing at the end? Let me know what ya'll want. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

Just for fun Romelle had bought a book on horoscopes and was happily reading things out about her friends and finding out what their horoscopes say about their personalities. Lance was sitting with her and happily talking about their zodiacs.

“Yeah, so I’m like a Leo.” Said Lance. “Totally cool, awesome, and the sexiest zodiac around.”

Romelle rolled her eyes and looked through the book. “Let’s see… Leo’s… Let’s see, you are creative, passionate, generous, warm-hearted, cheerful, and humorous.”

“That all checks out.” Lance grinned and leaned back on the couch. “I am those things. Horoscopes never lie.”

“Yeah, also says you’re arrogant, stubborn, self-centered, lazy, inflexible, and don’t like not being treated like a king.”

“... As I was saying, horoscopes are nothing but lies!” Said Lance. “Lies and blasphemes!”

Pidge snorted from her position on the floor. “Sounds like you Lance.”

Lance huffed. “Hush Pidge. You’re an Aries. You wouldn’t understand.”

She stuck her tongue out as Keith walked into the room. He’d just finished a class. Romelle instantly perked up. “Hey Keith! I have a question for you!”

“Yeah?”

“When’s your birthday?”

Keith gave her a confused look. “My birthday?”

“Yeah.” Said Pidge. “What day did you pop out of your mum’s vagina… or were you a tumor baby like me and Matt?”

“... Tumor baby?” Keith looked more and more confused by the second.

Romelle just rolled her eyes. “Oh hush Pidge. You’re confusing him.” She gave Keith a sympathetic look. “Pidge and Matt were born via C-section. So she and Matt call each other tumour babies. Anyway, when were your born?”

Keith frowned a little and looked like he was doing some calculations in his head. Which Lance could understand. He was probably trying to convert the Galran calendar into the human one. Lance pitied him. He had a hard enough time converting time zones.

“Twenty third… October.” He said.

Everyone gave Keith a surprised look. “We missed your birthday?” Asked Lance. “Dude, why didn’t you tell us!”

Keith shrugged. “Birthdays weren’t a big deal when I was growing up. So why did you want to know my birthday?”

“Oh, right…” Romelle quickly looked through her book. “Let’s see… Scorpio. You are resourceful, brave, passionate, and a true friend… But you are distrusting, jealous, secretive, and violent.”

“... I’m not jealous.” Muttered Keith.

Lance found it interesting to note that Keith wasn’t arguing the other stuff. He plucked the book out of Romelle’s hands and kept looking through what is said about Scorpio’s. “Let’s see… Oh! This section’s always fun; Scorpio, Love and Sex. Scorpio is the most sensual sign of the zodiac. Scorpios are extremely passionate and intimacy is very important to them…” Well shit. Lance felt like that kind of fit Keith to a T. Granted he didn’t know if sex was important to him but he sure as hell was passionate. “Once Scorpios fall in love they are very dedicated and faithful…”

Keith blushed a little and took the book from Lance. “And what’s your star sign? What does it say about sex with a… What are you Lance?”

“Not telling.”

“He’s a Leo.” Said Pidge. “It basically says the sex life of a Leo is an adventure. Need a partner to reach their sensitive, subconscious core and all that bullshit.”

“Ha! I knew you were listening to us!” Said Lance.

Keith rolled his eyes and handed the book back to Romelle. “Whatever. If you need me I’m going to be in my room.” 

Once he was gone Romelle couldn’t help but sigh loudly. “We missed his birthday… That’s… That really sucks. Did he mention it to you Lance?”

Lance shook his head. “Not a word. I had no idea.”

“Well this isn’t going to fly.” Said Pidge. “Shiro’s gonna flip when he finds out. Especially since Keith told us he pretty much grew out of the foster system.”

“He’s going to make a big deal out of this.” Said Romelle. “Oh well… Come on Pidge, let’s go and freak Shiro out.”

“What am I meant to do?” Asked Lance.

“Figure out what stuff Keith likes.” Said Romelle. “You’ve lived with him the longest.”

“... Ah, okay?” The girls left the room and Lance went back to his own room. When we went inside Keith was sitting on his bed trying to tie his hair up in a ponytail. “You want some help there?” Keith nodded and passed Lance a hair tie. Lance got a comb and started to run it through his knotted black hair. “So, do Galra not celebrate birthdays?”

“Not really.” Said Keith. “It’s more of a celebration for our mothers. They are the one that pushed us out, and since we live such long lives we tend to count our birthday celebrations in sets of ten. In human years I’m technically about… sixty three? Something like that. So it doesn’t really matter that much to me. It’s more of a milestone than a celebration anyway.”

Lance nodded a little and put Keith’s hair in a low ponytail. “Well, humans celebrate birthdays every year. It involves your friends and families giving you gifts and cards. We also give you a cake, stick some candles in it and sing a song. Then you blow the candles out. Then we clap and share the cake.” 

“... Are cakes made of chocolate?”

“Different flavours.” Said Lance. “You can have any kind of cake you like. Have you had cake before?”

Keith shook his head. “Pretty sure I haven’t… Is there candy corn flavoured cake?”

“... No Keith. No candy corn.”

“... Gummy?”

“Possibly.” Lance thought for a bit. “How about vanilla cake with buttercream icing and gummy worms? I think Hunk could make that for you.”

Keith smiled a little. “That’d be really nice… Thank you, but you don’t have to. It’s not a big deal for Galra to celebrate our births. We prefer to celebrate accomplishments we earned ourselves. Since we didn’t choose to be born, we don’t celebrate it.”

“We’re still going to celebrate it.” Said Lance. “So what stuff do we have on earth that you like? You gotta give us some ideas about what gifts we can give you.”

Keith shrugged. “I like knives. Also gummy worms… Having human biology books would be nice too.”

Lance nodded. “Okay. You like knives?”

“Yeah. Galra are taught basic hand to hand combat and simple knife fighting techniques at a young age. It’s part of our culture.” Said Keith. “That’s just how it is.”

Lance nodded a little. “So, just knives, gummies, and biology textbooks?”

“Yes.”

“... Would you be opposed to getting something fun?”

Keith gave Lance a confused look. “Humans don’t consider knives, gummies, or textbooks fun?”

“Not really.”

“Oh…”

“... But everyone has a different idea of fun. You’d still be happy if you got some more earth things, right? Like, random fun human stuff?”

Keith thought for a moment before he nodded. “I’d like that… You still don’t have to do anything. Getting pushed out by my mother isn’t something to praise me about...”

Lance sighed. He knew there was probably no changing Keith’s mind at this point. “We celebrate you existing because we like you… And since you haven’t pissed any of us off we like you and we’re happy that we got to know you. So your birthday is like us celebrating that you let us get to know you.”

“... Humans are weird.”

***

Needless to say the whole dorm knew they had skipped Keith’s birthday by dinner time and everyone was equal parts shocked and sad that they missed it, but Keith had said nothing. Shiro seemed to take this especially hard. Shiro didn’t get the nickname of dorm daddy for nothing. He really was like a father figure, and he was upset that Keith didn’t tell him his birthday.

When Keith was out of the dorm everyone else went to the common room to talk about what they would do for his birthday. Lance talked about the kind of cake Keith would like. Hunk was a little surprised but was happy to make it. He said it sounded like making children’s birthday cake.

Allura and Romelle were all down for getting decorations for the big day. Matt and Pidge were taking this as an excuse to find some cool gadgets and maybe use it as an excuse to mess with =  
he speakers again. Which left Shiro and Lance to try and find Keith appropriate gifts.

Which was kind of interesting. Now Lance did like hanging out with Shiro. He was a good guy and they had hung out several times before. He was like a big brother. Someone Lance really admired, but damn it always felt weird when he had to go shopping with Shiro.

They were standing around an antique shop looking at the knives they had on display. Some were curved, some were thin, some had fancy handles, and some were really weird looking. Lance had no idea what Keith would like, but he thought something practical would be good.

“Maybe we should go to a hunting store or something?” He suggested to Shiro.

Shiro nodded in agreement. “Yeah. He probably would want something he could use huh?”

“Yeah… You have any idea where that shop is?” 

“I think it’s on the first floor near the sporting goods place.” Said Shiro. The duo walked out of the antiques shop and headed down. As they walked Shiro happily struck up a conversation. “So, you and Keith are getting along pretty well, right?”

Lance nodded. “Yeah. Keith’s kind of awkward, but he’s a nice guy. Why?”

“Oh no reason. I kind of got the same feeling.” Said Shiro. “It was probably really hard for him to grow out of the foster system… I hope he’s doing okay…”

“He seems like he’s doing okay.” Said Lance. “So… He’s talked to you a lot about growing up in the system?”

Shrio nodded. “Yeah. Well, kind of. A little bit here and there. Has he told you anything?”

“A little bit… Said stuff about how he was generally the smallest for his age. I think he called himself a runt?” He didn’t really know what to say to Shiro about this matter. It was probably best to be as vague as possible.

Shiro nodded and sighed. “Yeah. He told me pretty much the same thing… I’m pretty sure he got bullied a lot. He’s very closed off… But he’s opening up, little by little.”

“Yeah…”

They got to the hunting store and started to look through the knife display. They ended up buying Keith a hunting knife. He’d probably like it. Hopefully he wouldn’t see it as some kind of threat or something. That would be kind or troublesome for everyone else if that was the case..

***

The party went off without a hitch. Allura and Romelle had decorated the common room with simple but colourful decorations. Hunk had made a vanilla sponge cake with lots of gummy candies decorating the buttercream icing. Pidge and Matt got the music pumping, though Shiro did get them to turn it down. Keith was the last to show up the door and he kind of ended up clutching his chest when everyone yelled happy birthday at him.

He looked kind of uncomfortable but seemed to take the whole birthday thing in his stride. He was very uncomfortable when it came to getting gifts, but he was happy to accept the gifts when he got them. Pidge and Matt got Keith a book on facts about the human body and a little skeleton model. Keith was thrilled by this and probably would have read the book or set up the skeleton, if it wasn’t for Shiro handing him the knife box.

His eyes lit up and he happily took the knife out of the box and, much to the shock and terror of everyone else, Keith quickly threw it up in the air repeatedly. It spun wildly through the air and Keith caught the handle every time with a grin. He really loved the knife by the look of it. Once Keith was done playing with his knife Lance slid over a knife cleaning kit. Keith was also thankful for that. Romelle and Allura weren’t really sure what to get Keith, so they got him some gift cards. Keith didn’t know what to make of them, but he was thankful. Hunk’s gift to Keith was of course the cake.

The rest of the party went really well. Pidge introduced Keith to the concept if birthday punches, which Keith seemed to take in his stride. He simply watched as Pidge lightly punched him in the bicep roughly twenty two times.

Then the birthday cake came out and Keith looked slightly scared of all the candles on the cake, and looked very uncomfortable to hear them all sing happy birthday, but he just sat there and blew out the candles when prompted. Keith really liked the cake.

Eventually people started to wander off to bed which was what Keith and Lance eventually did. Lance watched from his bed as Keith carefully placed his gifts on his bedside table. He kept changing everything around every few seconds after it looked like he was done with it.

Lance just smiled at him. “So, you enjoyed your birthday?”

Keith nodded and smiled. “Yeah. I can’t believe you guys do this every year. That’s really… It’s pretty crazy.”

Lance chuckled. “Yeah, it can get pretty crazy.”

“Yeah.” Keith rearranged his things again. “You know, you guys didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I know. But like I said we like you. I like you.”

“I like you guys too.” Said Keith. He finally looked pleased with how his gifts were laid out. Keith suddenly got out of bed and climbed into Lance’s bed, which surprised Lance a lot.

“Oh? You want something buddy?”

“Yes.”

Lance could feel his face heating up. Was Keith going to ask for birthday sex? Did he even know what that was? Lance could do that though. He could put out Keith if he wanted it. “Oh? What do you want?”

“From my understanding humans seem to do whatever the birthday person wants on their birthday, within reason of course.”

“Y-yeah. Of course… So like, what do you want?”

“I want to sleep with you.”

Lance’s dick twitched in excitement. “O-okay.”

“Thanks.” Keith quickly slipped under the covers and snuggled up to Lance. He rested his head on Lance’s chest and made a small purring noise.

This kind of confused Lance a little, but then he quickly realised what Keith meant. “Oh, you meant literally…”

Keith raised an eyebrow at him. “Does sleeping mean something different to humans?”

“...” Lance felt so embarrassed. “Saying you want to sleep with someone is a euphemism for wanting to have sex.”

“... Humans are stupid.” Muttered Keith. “If I wanted to have sex with you I would tell you I wanted to fuck. I just want to sleep next to someone… It’s comforting…”

“... Galra sleep in piles?”

“Nesting groups.” Corrected Keith. “We have family nesting groups and friend nesting groups… Being a runt I kind of didn’t really have much of a nesting group growing up. I’ve always been kind of pushed to the edge of the nest since no one really wanted me there…” He sighed. “So since it’s my birthday and we are doing earth traditions I want to sleep next to you because it’s my birthday.”

“Ah, okay…” Lance ran his fingers through Keith’s hair. No sex tonight. Just comfort. He can do that. “So, you prefer sleeping with people than being alone?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s weak and…” Keith sighed. “No offence but you wouldn’t understand… Galra sleep alone if we have to, but sleeping in small groups of two like, five is normal… If Galra are used to sleeping alone it’s like… There’s something wrong with us if we can’t form nesting groups.”

“So is this your way of asking if I’ll be your nesting buddy or something?”

“Nesting group, but yeah. Kind of.” Said Keith quietly. “But like, I know humans prefer to sleep alone that’s why I just want to do it tonight… Since it’s my birthday…” He sounded so unsure and distressed about it. Like Lance was probably going to kick him out of his bed if he said the wrong thing.

“...” Lance pulled Keith as close as he physically could and gently brushed his lips over Keith’s forehead. “It’s fine. Just… If you ever want to sleep in my bed with me just let me know, or if you want me to sleep in your bed. It’s fine.”

“Thanks Lance.” He lightly kissed Lance’s cheek as he lightly tugged at his night shirt. “Thanks for sharing all this human stuff with me… I’d never be able to gather this much information about humans if it wasn’t for you.”

“No problem. Let’s get some sleep.”

Keith nodded in agreement and the two of them moved around to get more comfortable. However, Lance was finding this difficult. This was mainly due to his body getting way too excited that there was someone in his bed, leaning against him, touching him, cuddling him. His dick was very slowly starting to rise no matter how matter how hard Lance tried to will it away. He tried to adjust himself so Keith wouldn’t notice. Keith noticed.

“... Do you need me to help you with that?”

Lance laughed nervously. “Ah, no. It’ll just go away on its own. You don’t need to worry about it. Just the human body being weird and all that. Not like I’m gonna die from getting a boner.”

“... But there is no bone in a human’s penis?”

“It’s another word for penis. Like cock or dick. How can you not know more earth terms?”

“Oh… I guess I just don’t pay that much attention.” Keith’s hand played with the elastic of Lance’s pants. “But that doesn’t really matter now, right?”

“I um… You don’t have to do anything.” Lance said quickly. “Seriously. You don’t just because I’m getting hard. The human body is really weird.”

Keith frowned, but he didn’t try and stick his hand down Lance’s pants. “Do you really not want me to touch you? I wouldn’t mind.”

“... If you’re sure.” Lance tugged down their pants and let his dick spring free. Seconds later Keith’s hand was on him and slowly stroke his dick. Lance’s breath hitched in his throat as Keith gave a few very slow, very cautious tugs. He seemed more fascinated with how it felt in his hand rather than actually getting Lance off. Which was fine for the moment. Admittedly Keith probably didn’t have much experience with human anatomy.

He shuddered slightly and bit back a moan when Keith’s thumb grazed the tip. Keith hummed in approval as he gently started to nip at his neck. “Is this good? Like this? Does this feel good?” He’d ask every once in a while. 

Lance was worried that if he opened his mouth he’d make a noise that was just that little bit too loud, so he just nodded or shook his head to answer Keith. Thankfully Keith didn’t seem to mind. He seemed to understand what Lance was trying to convey. He twisted his wrist and Lance shuddered as precum quickly started to pant when Keith’s hand started to move faster. Despite Keith not knowing much about human anatomy he was quickly getting the hang of it. It was probably easier for him to stroke a human’s dick rather than two squirming tentacles.

“F-fuck, Keith...” He moaned. Heat was starting to pool inside Lance’s hips. Keith just had to be good at all the sex things didn’t he?

Keith smiled against his neck and stroked faster. “Are you close?”

“Y-yeah. I just-” Lance quickly clamped his hand over his mouth as he came on himself and Keith’s hand. He laid there for a moment panting and basking in the afterglow before he reached down and fumbled around for something to clean themselves. He found a pair of pants he needed to chuck in a laundry basket anyway. He quickly cleaned them both up and flopped back onto the mattress. “You know… It’s not everyday you give someone else a gift on your birthday…” 

Keith shrugged and cuddled against Lance. “Whatever. I did it because I wanted to.”

“Hmmm, okay.” Yawned Lance as he closed his eyes.

***

**Additional notes**  
_Humans celebrate their births once a year. It is an odd concept. They do this by giving random gifts of limited usefulness and eating an earth food called birthday cake. The cake is covered in candles and is eaten after the chant known as the happy birthday song is sung. At which point in time the birthday person blows out the candles. Kind of creepy._

_While most humans seem content to sleep alone they are happy enough to sleep next to you if you ask. Making nesting groups with humans seems to be plausible. At least for the short term. I am uncertain how long term humans would go being in nesting groups. Unfortunately I can’t introduce more Galra into this equation as there aren’t any Galra other than me on earth. I also can’t add more humans to a nesting group without them questioning it. Also, humans only seem to form nesting groups when they consume lots of alcohol and fall asleep wherever they please._

Keith put his comms pad away and rested his head against Lance’s chest. He liked listening to Lance’s heart beat. They way it slowly thumped in his chest as he breathed. It was a little slow for his liking, but he had to assume that this was normal for a human.

He hummed a little and closed his eyes. Keith decided that he quite liked birthdays on earth. Much nicer and more wholesome than on his home planet.


	7. Smut free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is a chapter from Keith's pov. Granted this chapter is smut free, it doesn't meant this is a pure and innocent chapter. But I will return to regular smut stuff in the next chapter. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D
> 
> Here is a quick key for everyone's convenience (and honestly mine, lol)  
X1LH - Lance  
X2SH - Shiro  
X3PH - Pidge  
X4HH - Hunk  
X5AH - Adam  
X6RH - Romelle  
X7MH - Matt  
X8AH - Allura

For Keith, every day was an adventure on Earth. One of the biggest differences Keith immediately noticed was the gravity. So much lighter than his home planet. He had tried to get himself accustomed to earth gravity for months before he had met Lance. He had to do calculations and count calories to make sure he didn’t do something stupid like get fat and die or not eat enough and die. He felt he found a good balance.

But when he felt like he was starting to put on a little weight he would go for runs with Shiro in the morning. His second test subject. Such a strange and fascinating person this Shiro was. He still wasn’t sure if Shiro was born without an arm or if that happened later in life. He felt like it might be rude to ask him about it. Still, despite his injury he was a nice person and was happy enough to help him. 

Keith finished running around the track for the fifth time and doubled over, panting heavily. “Am I done yet?” He asked.

Shiro checked his watch and nodded. “Yep. You have really good endurance. Think you can go another lap?”

“...” Keith responded by lying down on the track and groaning. “Kill me…”

Shiro laughed and passed Keith a water bottle. “Bit too much?”

“I want to die…”

“Hey, it wasn’t that bad.”

“Eh…”

Shiro grinned and pulled Keith to his feet. “Okay. Come on. Adam’s going to meet us for brunch.”

“My legs are jelly… I am not used to running so much…” Keith sulked as he followed Shiro to some small cafe where Adam was already waiting for them. 

He smiled at them and kissed Shiro when he took a seat. “You two enjoy your run this morning?”

“It was good.” Shiro sat down and sighed happily. “Keith shaved about ten seconds off his previous time.”

“Really? That’s good.” Adam smiled at Keith. “You okay there? You look kind of dead.”

Keith shrugged and took his notebook out of his backpack. “I’m just tired. I need to eat something…”

“Eggs and toast?” Suggested Shiro.

Keith nodded in agreement. “Yeah sounds good, and a drink of something would be nice.”

“Got it.”

When Shiro and Adam went and ordered their food and drinks at the counter, Keith started to scribble down some notes. He had been making notes on Shiro and Adam since he had gotten here. He had two files for them. One solely for them as individuals and one for their relationship. He happily started to scribble down notes in Galran.

_X2SH continues to run laps around a designated running track each morning. Humans do not seem to be able to perform enough normal physical labour in the day to burn calories. X2SH continues to look as though he is in peak physical shape for a human. X5AH is also “in shape” but does not need to exercise as much as X2SH does. Perhaps X5AH has a high metabolism?_

_X2SH and X5AH continue to have a strong bond and have small little rituals that they follow and have continued to follow since I have started observing them. One of which is the ritual of brunch. X2SH will go for a run and meet X5AH as a small human food place known as a cafe. They will eat a small amount of food and have a small drink before going to their classes._

_I am still confused as to why X2SH and X5AH do not live in the same building. I have inquired about this but X2SH has said it has to do with living spaces. Apparently X5AH lives in a small place only big enough for one human to live comfortably. It is weird, but humans are strange creatures._

Keith glanced up at the two men sitting across from him. They happily talked to each other, holding hands at the table. Though the way humans displayed love was different to Galra, Keith could tell they were in love. It made him smile a little and he jotted down a few more notes.

_I do have many questions about their relationship but I am uncertain how to approach it. Through basic study of earth culture I have learnt that some of my. Questions might be seen as “hate speech”. But how am I meant to know what I can and can’t ask? Humans have several different sexualities that Galra do not have. We know what gay is and the concept of it, but all Galra are technically the same sex. I could ask X1LH my questions, but he might get mad at me too. I am very confused by this._

Their food came and Keith quickly wolfed down his eggs and toast. He was glad eggs were pretty similar on all planets, though he was kind of sad that the eggs humans chose to use in most of their food was from chickens. On his planet normal eggs were collected from birds that were big enough for a meal on their own. They were big enough that they had to be held in both hands. Toast was still kind of weird to him though. 

They didn’t have wheat on his home planet. The closest thing Galra had to something that was like bread was a vegetable called varch that they would grind up into a paste and make what they called flat varch. Apparently humans could do something similar but they used corn and the end result would be white or a golden colour, and not magenta. Which he found odd, but he was getting used to it. Human stuff was so weird.

After eating brunch with the Shiro and Adam, Keith wandered back to the dorm and had a quick shower before class. By the time he got out Lance was quickly eating some toast while pouring tea into a thermos. 

Lance… What to say about Lance? X1LH. The first human he had ever encountered. The human that he had first done anything with. When he thought back about when they first met he was a little surprised how things had progressed. In hindsight if he hadn’t have consumed that aphrodisiac he probably wouldn’t have considered having sex with Lance in the first place, but he was glad he did. 

Sex with humans felt different to sex with other Galra. For starters there was a lot more thrusting involved than he thought there would be. Which lead to Lance hitting all kinds of sensitive spots inside him which made him shudder in pure ecstasy. He wasn’t sure Lance knew how he made him feel when they had sex. Keith had wondered what sex would be like with other humans would be like, but he hadn’t really felt like persuing other humans. Keith hadn’t ever been the promiscuous type to begin with. Plus he wasn’t sure what other humans would think if they saw his dick. He doubted everyone was going to be as enthusiastic about what he had going on down there.

Besides, Lance was different. He was special. He was the only human that knew he was an alien and the only one that he shared any of his Galra heritage with. Sure he had given the others little snippets here and there, but he had to censor himself to protect his identity. Just letting Lance know he was an alien was a pretty big deal. He’d probably have points deducted from his professors for that.

Lance nodded over at him. “Hey Keith. You back from your run with Shiro?”

“Yeah. You heading to class?”

“Yep… Wanna do something later?”

“Oh?” This was odd. Lance did not ask him to do stuff. Was this another euphemism? Maybe? That wouldn’t be too bad if that was the case. “Um sure. We can do stuff when you get back. I don’t have classes today.”

“Okay cool. Later Keith.” Lance left and Keith couldn’t help but watched him leave. Lance was… He wasn’t Galra, but he liked him. He liked him a lot.

“Ha, gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.” Drew out Pidge as she walked past him in the hall.

Keith was so confused. Did it even qualify as gay if he wasn’t technically biological female? He didn’t understand. “What?”

“You were totally gawking at Lance’s ass.” She said with a smirk. “Don’t let him find out. He doesn’t need a bigger ego boost.”

Keith just shrugged. “Lance has a nice ass. What’s the big deal?”

She chuckled and grinned. “You got a crush on him or something?”

“... I don’t think so?” Keath had no idea what the fuck a crush was. Obviously he didn’t have a crush on Lance if he didn’t even know what that was, right?

“Oh, just looking for a hookup?” She asked. She gave Keith a quick once over and shrugged. “Eh, Lance would probably do you if he feels like dick. He isn’t exactly a saint.”

The fuck was a saint? “Okay?”

She patted his back. “Later dude. Go enjoy your day off learning shit. Don’t get a virus looking up porn on your laptop.” She happily walked off leaving Keith with two questions; what was porn and why would it give his laptop a virus?

***

Needless to say Keith quickly discovered what porn was. It was just sex. People recording themselves having sex, doing sexual acts, and posting them for everyone to see. Now Galra weren’t prudes. They had porn too and Keith did have a fair bit that he saved on his comms pad. It was his personal comms pad after all. However the Galra didn’t have an abbreviation for pornography like humans did so the word porn didn’t translate in his head to something he understood. 

But there was a lot of pornography out there. Some things humans seemed to enjoy that he knew were more popular kinks for galra; BDSM, breath play, wax play, edgeplay, spanking and gagging, to name a few. Then there were a few things that he thought were a little weird like foot fetish stuff, but he chalked that up to humans being humans.

For a good two or three hours Keith searched through porn websites and saw some stuff he thought looked interesting and some stuff that made him cringe at how sore the poor humans would probably be in the next few hours. 

Eventually he found a video that was tagged with all the random buzz words that would probably make it trend on the website. It had a ridiculous title like; male skinny twink Latino BDSM wax play tied to a bed. Charming. Keith neither knew what the absolute fuck a twink or a Latino was. He needed to start making a list of words he didn’t know. Anyway, he would have kept looking through the videos, but the person in the thumbnail kind of did look a little like Lance...

Needless to say Keith clicked it and immediately became quickly engrossed with it. The wax that humans used must have been a lot more like candle wax then what Galra used. Wax was more of a brand than an actual thing. It was made easy to peel off since most Galra had a fine sheet of fuzz covering their bodies. Still, he had to admit this human looked particularly pretty getting covered in multicoloured wax.

In the end he couldn’t not get aroused. They way they were breathing, the moans they made, the kinks on display… Keith gently bit his bottom lip as he started to palm himself through his pants while he thought of Lance. Fuck, Lance would look so pretty all tied up on the bed. He’d make all kinds of beautiful sounds for him. Not like he didn’t already.

He was about to unzip his pants and get himself off when Lance opened the door. “Back!”

Keith squeaked and quickly slammed the laptop shut and was blushing like crazy. “H-hi… So um… Did the class end early or something?”

“... It’s been like three hours?” Lance put his book bag down and looked over at what was on Keith’s screen. Realising that humans don’t show pornography to each other, Keith quickly slammed the laptop shut. “... What were you looking at?”

“... Nothing.” He muttered. “I um… Pornography…”

Lance seemed like he was stunned to hear that admission. “Oh… I um… Well that’s one way to learn about humans, huh?”

Keith shrugged. “Yeah… Humans are into some very weird things… But then again so are Galra so I can’t judge? You wanted to do something now, right?”

“Yeah.” Lance went through his stuff for a bit before nodding a little to himself. “Okay, come on. We’re going to the mall. You ever been to a mall before?”

“We have malls in space.” Muttered Keith. “Never been to much, but I know what they are…” 

“Perfect. Let’s go.”

***

The two of them made it to the mall and Keith instantly felt unhappy and overwhelmed. He didn’t like this at all. Too loud. Smelt funny. Too many people. He didn’t like this and he wanted to head home. But Lance seemed happy and he had a list of things he needed to get. Was this what Lance meant about doing something together? 

He shouldn’t have watched porn before this. Now he was horny but Lance was an idiot and he wanted to smack him for being a stupid, sexy idiot. Maybe he was moron sexual or something? He wouldn’t have been surprised if he was. 

Lance dragged him to a few different shops. All of them were noisy and smelly and weird. Just like the malls back in space. Then, Lance, the son of a bitch, dragged him into a chocolate shop. An entire shop dedicated to the stupid aphrodesiac… Was this Lance’s stupid way of saying he wants to have sex? Was this flirting? Was this human flirting?

Lance walked over to a shelf covered in bars of chocolate and looked down at his list. “... 85%... 85%... 85%... Ah! Here it is!” He grabbed a few bars of chocolate that had a big golden 85% printed on them.

“What do you need that for?” Asked Keith.

“Allura and Hunk wanted 85% dark chocolate. Allura likes to nibble on dark chocolate when she’s working and Hunk likes cooking with dark chocolate 80% or higher.”

“What’s with the percentage?”

“That’s how much cocoa is in it.”

Keith glared at the chocolate in his hands and at the wall. “This is horrific. I hate it so much. Why would you do this? That is just… I hate this place…”

Lance seemed surprised before he looked slightly ashamed. “Sorry. I just needed to make a few stops and like… Oh, is the smell getting to you? It’s the smell isn’t it? I’m so sorry. I’ll just buy this and we can go. You can wait outside if it’s getting to you.”

“... Okay.” Keith left the shop and instantly felt bad. Humans didn’t get reactions to chocolate like he did. Plus he was sexually frustrated so exposing himself to his species aphrodisiac wasn’t helping him. But he probably shouldn’t have snapped at Lance. He was just trying to do shopping for his friends. He pouted.

Minutes later Lance came out with a small bag. Now he looked more nervous than anything. “So um… I um… There’s one more place I kind of need to go. But it’s um… It isn’t the most savoury of places that people go to...” 

Keith frowned and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“...” He sighed a little. “Look, I have a USB that someone in my class let me borrow and I need to drop it off and she’s at work right now…”

“Okay?”

“... She um… She works at a sex shop.”

Keith slow blinked. “Come again?”

“It’s just a block away!” Said Lance quickly. “After this I’ll take you out to lunch!”

“Okay.” Keith just followed Lance to a small chain of shops and walked into a shop that had lots of X’s in groups of three. When they went inside Keith looked around and was mildly surprised at all the tits and dicks were around. He has assumed that a sex shop was probably a place where people buy sex things and not actual sex. It was hard to tell when humans were being literal and when they were being weren't.

A girl with her hair tied back in a high ponytail looked over and grinned at him. “Hey Lance!”

“Hey Ezor.” He walked over to her and handed her a USB. “Thanks by the way.”

“No problem. You know me, I do enjoy me some bootlegged movies.” She shot him finger guns and gave him a whink. “Oh, by the way, we got some new release stuff in today. You interested in sparkle lube?”

“... Lube with glitter in it? Why?” Asked Lance in mild horror.

“It’s seaweed based sparkles.” Informed Ezor. “Bio degradable and stuff you just gotta make sure your lady remembers to douche herself a few times. Like, it’s meant to be safe, but you never know… I’d probably just use it for butt stuff though...” Lance nodded and talked to her some more. So Keith walked around the shop.

There were a lot of things he recognised and a few things he just couldn’t figure out no matter how much he looked at it. Some of the things he saw kind of looked like torture devices on his planet. Though he did end up finding some kind of blue, see through, tentacle dildo that kind of looked like his dicks. He poked it, since it was some display thing and was mildly disappointed to find it wasn’t as malleable as his were.

Lance called out to him and Keith wandered over as Ezor was passing a bag over to Lance. She had convinced him to buy something apparently. As soon as she saw Keith she turned her charm up to eleven. 

“Hey cutie. Fine anything that tickles your fancy?” She asked. “Saw you gawking at the Cthulhu before. It also comes in red, green, and rainbow.” 

“... The what?”

“Tentacle dick.”

“Oh um… No thanks. It just looked… um... interesting? Is stuff like that popular?” Keith was starting to think that maybe there were more people would be willing to have sex with Galra thank just Lance. Humans were kind of freaks in bed apparently.

Ezor nodded. “Oh yeah. We sell about like, five or six of them a week? We have an online store for the more discreet patron, but when it comes to our dongs the top sellers here are the Cthulhu, Rover, and the BBD.”

“BBD?”

“Big Black Dick.” Said Ezor with a shrug. “Not the most creative name but I’m not the one that names these things. Anyway, is that all you guys need? I gotta grab some more free condoms from the back.”

“Nah, that’s all.” Said Lance. “See you next time I need to bootleg my shows Ezor.”

“See you next time I need to get notes for class.” She said. Before Keith could walk away from the register she quickly stopped him. “Whoa, buddy. One second.” She quickly gave Keith about six condoms. “Enjoy your free condoms and safe sex. Avoid knocking girls up and getting or giving STI’s and all that jazz.”

“... Thanks?” Keith put it in his pocket and followed Lance out of the shop. “Ezor seems nice.”

“Yeah she is.” Lance looked back up the street and smiled at him. “So, want to try some more earth food?”

“Yeah!”

***

Lance ended up taking Keith to some family run burger shop and got them some cheap take away to eat when they got back to the dorm. Lance seemed to have a wicked grin on his face, so Keith could only assume he was going to eat a lot of weird human food.

They sat at the table and watched Lance open up boxes and push things in front of him. “Okay, first up we have fries. Just potato cut up, deep fried and salted.”

Keith picked up one and ate it. “... Kind of bland, but enjoyable enough.”

“Neat. Okay, next up we have rocky mountain oysters.” He pushed a box in front of Keith.

Keith looked inside and it looked like blobs of meat that had been deep fried. Just like the previous food. He quickly ate one and found he kind of enjoyed the flavour. “Not bad… But I was under the impression that oysters were only found in the ocean? Why are they called rocky mountain oysters?”

“Because they are actually fried bull testicles.” Said Lance. He had a grin on his face that probably meant that Keith was supposed to be disgusted or something.

Instead Keith found the biggest one and ate it in one bite while looking Lance dead in the eye. “I guess we can’t all eat them raw like my species does.”

“... Excuse me?”

Keith shrugged and ate some more. “Galra are used to eating raw food. All this cooked stuff is odd to me. Tastes interesting to have this all cooked food. I mean, sure we cook our food sometimes, but most of it is raw.” He happily ate a few more.

Lance pouted and pushed a burger towards Keith. “Shut up and eat your burger.”

“Nah, I like these oyster things.” Keith continued to eat them. “If you were trying to make me uncomfortable it backfired horribly.”

“Yeah… Did you know there is a kind of food out there where you eat a developing bird embryo from the shell?”

“We usually drill a hole in the shell and blend it before drinking it.” Responded Keith. “Don’t try and gross me out with food Lance. You will lose.”

Lance pouted again and looked down at his food. “I think I lost my appetite…”

“Weak.”

***

Eventually Keith happily crawled into his nest and typed up some general observations about the humans he lived with. It was just a general notes folder and not attached to any of the humans in general. He quickly typed away so he could get some sleep before he went about moving people’s stuff around to see their reaction. He’d seen nothing extreme so far.

_X1LH attempted to gross me out with earth food today. The only thing I found gross was the amount of deep fried food there was along with the inaccurate naming of a dish called Rocky Mountain Oysters. When I asked X4HH about this food he shrugged it off and we continued our cooking lessons._

_X4HH is still the main cook of the house and is the person I go to when I have food questions. I am unsure if he thinks I am incapable of cooking or if he thinks something else is up. I have no idea._

_Speaking of food, X8AH and X6RH seem to like consuming large amounts of chocolate. If they were Galra they would possibly be stuck in a continuous heat. An extremely scary thought. X4HH also likes to cook with chocolate which is strange to me. It feels like he is lacing food with drugs._

_Update to my stress test with X3PH. She attempted to smother X7MH with a pillow while threatening him about touching her stuff. X2SH had to break them up. It was entertaining, but I am done trying to provoke X3PH. I think I will try moving some of X6RH’s stuff. I doubt she will escalate as quickly as X3PH does. Then again if X6RH reacts the same as X3PH I might have to consider that human females might be as territorial and as violent as Galra mothers._

He heard Lance enter the room and flop down on his own bed. Keith looked over at him and smiled. “Hey. Is Matt okay?”

“Yeah. He is used to Pidge trying to end his life.” Said Lance calmly. “So… Still sorry about the whole chocolate place thing… You really hated going to the mall huh?”

“... Yeah. Sorry. My hearing and sense of smell is better than most humans. It was kind of overwhelming for me.” Said Keith calmly. “Everything was just… It was too much for me.” Lance didn’t need to know he was sexually frustrated pretty much the whole time they were there. Though he had calmed down now.

“Sorry…” Lance sighed in frustration. “Fuck… What do Galra do for dates and junk?”

“... Huh?”

“... I um, I mean… Most humans go to the mall and shit for a first date when they are young and broke.” Said Lance quickly. “And like, I have no idea about Galra culture and stuff so like, what would you do on a normal Galra date?”

“Oh… Survival night.” Said Keith. He could see the confusion on Lance’s face so he quickly explained. “To see if we are compatible we will spend a night in the wilderness with just a knife, map and compass. After spending a night together we can tell if we can work together in a proper, intimate relationship.”

“Huh… Okay. Sounds interesting… You ever been on a survival night?”

Keith felt his heart drop in his chest. “No… I’m a runt, remember? Like humans, Galra have a very specific set of things that we find attractive… Being as small as I am I’m not considered conventionally attractive to other Galra so… yeah…”

“Wait, you’ve never been on a date in over sixty years?” Asked Lance in shock.

Keith shrugged. “I’ve resigned myself to the fact I might as well just get used to having meaningless sex rather than any meaningful relationship.”

“Oh…” Lance was quiet as he rolled onto his back to look up at the ceiling. “So is what we’re doing meaningless?”

“What? No.” Keith sat up and gave Lance a confused look. “You’re important research material. Way more important than some random hook up. Lance you’re…” What was Lance to him? Was he really just research material to him? He kind of was, but he also wasn’t? It was complicated… Oh no, it was complicated… “I think the term is friend? I think we are friends… Are we friends?”

“...”

“Lance?”

“Yeah. We’re friends.” He looked over at Keith. “So… You gonna sleep in your own bed tonight or are we gonna do the whole nesting group thing?”

“...” Keith smiled softly at Lance and quickly moved into bed next to him. It wasn’t his birthday and Lance was still willing to do his Galra sleeping rituals with him. “... Thanks Lance. I really appreciate this.”

“It’s fine man.” Said Lance as he ran his fingers through Keith’s hair. That felt really nice. “I don’t mind sleeping in the same bed as you. It’s a little cramped and stuff, but you know. It’s cool… It’s nice to sleep in the same bed as you.”

“Thanks.” That made Keith feel happy. He was glad that Lance liked him and felt comfortable enough to sleep in the same bed as him. It made him feel appreciated in a strange sort of way. For the first time in a long time he felt happy to be around someone else. He liked Lance a lot and Lance seemed to like him. They were friends. Good friends. This is what being friends was like, right?


	8. Buzz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And back to the smut. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :3

With winter settling in at the Altea campus the big buzz around the dorm was what people were doing for the holidays. Hunk was going to spend time with his family at his grandparent’s place. The Holt siblings were going to go home and blow up a toilet in their backyard just because. Allura and Romelle were going to spend their holiday together at Allura’s godfather’s place and skype their family. Adam and Shiro had rented a cabin and were going to spend their holiday together in quiet seclusion. Lance was of course going to spend his time with his family at his parent’s place… Then there was Keith...

“I’m going to stay here.” He said. “I asked around and we can stay in the dorm over the holidays.”

“But it’s Christmas.” Said Hunk. “There has to be someone you can spend the holidays with.”

“I’m an orphan.” Reminded Keith. “Christmas is a family holiday, right? I don’t have a family to spend it with… I’ll just stay here and keep the place clean. It’s no big deal.” 

The conversation ended there, but that didn’t sit well with Lance. He didn’t like the idea of Keith being alone for the holidays. Christmas was one of the most important holidays of the year. He brought it up again later that night.

“You really going to stay here for Christmas?” He asked. “Not even go back to your ship or something?”

“I have better food options if I stay in the dorms.” Said Keith. “Besides, this holiday is just a family thing. I don’t have any family here… I’m an alien…” He sighed sadly. “It’s been forever since I’ve seen my sar…”

“Sar?”

“It’s Galran for mother.” Said Keith. “She was in the military since before I was born and I didn’t even know what she looked like until a few months before I came here… Anyway, it’s a family thing…”

Lance hated how bummed out Keith sounded about it. “Christmas isn’t just about families.” He said. “So like, Christmas used to be a kind of a, let’s celebrate the fact we survived winter, thing. Then the Christians decided to hijack it and make it around their religion while still using a bunch of pagan stuff. Anyway, it’s a family and friend’s holiday.”

“Oh…” Keith thought about this for a moment before he sighed. “It doesn’t make much of a difference for me though does it? You’re all going off to do your own things and I’m fine with that.”

“... Do Galra have a similar holiday?”

“Daknar.” Muttered Keith. “Daknar happens at the end of the year. It’s a family holiday where we all get together and light fires… We’d throw coloured powder into the fire to make it change colour. It’s really pretty.”

“That sounds nice…”

“Yeah… One of the few holidays where we don’t fight.”

“Hmm… Would you like to spend Christmas with me?” Asked Lance. “Like, my parents would be cool with it if I give them enough heads up.”

“Would that really be okay?” Asked Keith. “I’m fine with staying here and all that it’s no big deal.”

“No way.” Said Lance. “Look, my mama would smack me if she found out I left you all alone for Christmas… Oh, does your translator thing work for any other language other than English?”

“... It’s called English?” Keith looked stunned. “I’ve been calling it Humanese…”

Lance did his best not to snort out a laugh. “Yeah. Humans have a bunch of different languages. Humanese isn’t a thing.”

“Oh…” Keith looked like his mind had been blown. “... Huh. That’s really… huh… I just assumed it was all just different dialects… I um, I should be okay with other human languages. Why?”

“We mainly speak Spanish in my house.” He said.

“Ah, okay.” Keith looked a little confused, but determined. Which Lance found very endearing. Keith was adorable. Damn he just wanted to pinch Keith’s cheeks. “... If I am allowed to I’d like to go with you and see how you celebrate your other earth holidays.”

Lance grinned. “Awesome. I’ll tell you all about Christmas stuff. Let you know all about Santa.”

“Santa?”

“Big fat old man in a red suit that comes into your house and leaves presents.”

“... You encourage this strange old man to break into your homes? Human traditions are weird.”

Lance shrugged. “Yeah. You seem more like a Krampus kind of guy anyway.”

“Krampus?”

Lance laughed a little. “Oh boy. There is a whole world of crazy human monsters out there that you have yet to learn about…”

***

Lance had called his mum later the next day and explained the situation with Keith. Of course she was more than happy to let Keith stay over for the holiday. It made Lance happy to know that Keith wouldn’t have to spend the whole holiday alone. Keith did seem kind of excited about actively participating in another human holiday.

He seemed to really like tinsel and some of the shiny things that came along to the build up to the holiday. But he absolutely hated Christmas songs. He found them extremely annoying. Which Lance found very funny. He bought Keith a bright red plastic bauble to make up for blasting Maria while he was busy doing some early packing. Keith immediately tried to eat it.

It made Lance laugh a little, but he continued to do a little bit of pre packing. He had about two weeks before he and Keith would head off to his parent’s place. They would be driving there by car. Lance’s car was rather shitty, but it would be able to get them there and back no problem. 

As he did his pre packing he ended up loving a bunch of bags around and knocked a few over, spilling out random stuff like clothes, pens he never used, random receipts, and other stuff. Keith watched curiously from his own bed. He seemed to be surprised that Lance had so much stuff.

After Lance knocked over on of his random bags and something fell out, Keith finally spoke up. “Oh? What’s that?”

“Huh?”

“That.” He pointed to a small red pellet looking thing attached to a remote control via a long cord.

Lance’s face heated up. He had got that the other day when Ezor had sweet talked him into buying one since it was apparently good quality for the price it was. He had considered using it on himself at some point, but he completely forgot about it when he decided to try and make Keith get all grossed out with human food.

“It’s um… It’s a vibrator. You know what that is?”

“A thing that vibrates? The function is kind of in the name.” Said Keith.

Lance pouted and tossed it at Keith. It was still in the package. “Smart ass.” 

Keith swatted it out of the air and had a look at it. He picked up the package and happily looked it over. “So… you insert the pelet thing inside yourself and turn it on to get pleasure?”

“Pretty much. It’s pretty straight forward.” Said Lance as he tried to decide between his green jumper or his blue jumper. “You can use it on men and women, but like it really needs to be washed and sterilized if it’s going from butt to vagina. Infections aren’t fun.”

“Huh. Okay.” Keith got his hunting knife and very carefully started to cut open the packaging. He was very curious alien. “We have similar things too, but if we’re going by similar naming conventions I guess it would be called a writher since it’s meant to simulate sex with another Galra. And as you know, we don’t have to thrust our hips to get off.”

Lance decided he’d pack both. “True. You guys must have some really strong pelvic muscles in there.”

“Yeah, we do.” There was a ripping sound as Keith managed to get the vibrator out of the package. “Ha, got it.”

Lance glanced over at Keith and was kind of surprised to see that he got it out. Why the actual fuck did Keith want to take it out of the package anyway? “... So, do you want it? I don’t really need it. Ezor talked me into buying it the other day when I dropped off her USB.

“Okay… I don’t really know how to use it though…”

“Pretty sure you could look up some porn where a girl uses it.” Said Lance as he finished his bit of pre packing. He put the bag away at the foot of his bed and looked back over at Keith. He was staring at the remote control like he was trying to figure out a really hard math problem. “... You need help with that or something?”

“It’s not working.”

“Probably battery powered.” He took the remote from Keith and opened up the battery compartment. There were three little lithium button batteries with a little plastic pull tab thing in it. He took it out, put the battery cover back over it and turned it on. Keith jumped a little since he was holding the actual vibrator. It made Lance chuckle. “What? Scared of a little bullet vibrator?” 

“Shut up. It just surprised me…”

Lance laughed, turned it off and handed the remote back to him. “Okay. Well it’s working now. Keep that some place out of the way.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “I’m not an idiot Lance. Even Galra have a sense of modesty when it comes to sex and sex toys..”

“Really? You seem pretty open about that stuff.”

Keith instantly became flustered. “I-I um, it’s for research purposes! Humanity as a whole is quite conservitive when it comes to sex and mating rituals and I’m bending over backwards trying to figure stuff out about you guys!”

Lance laughed and messed up Keith’s hair. “Well aren’t you easy to mess with?”

Keith pouted. “Shut up… Most Galra would consider me rebellious.”

“Oh, such a big scary Galra.” Cooed Lance. “A big scary Galra that don’t take shit from no one.”

He glared at Lance. “You’re mocking me, aren’t you? You’re being an asshole and mocking me.”

Lance shrugged. “You make it too easy alien boy.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“But you love it.”

“Suck my dicks McClain.”

“Nah, I’d rather show you how to use that vibrator.”

***

The two continued to verbally spar with each other as they started grabbing at each other’s clothes and haphazardly tossed them aside. Soon Keith was wedged between the headboard of his bed and Lance’s body.

“You’re fucking insatiable.” Muttered Lance as he rubbed his thumb over the calamus. Admittedly the first few times he saw it, it did kind of worried him a little. But now, it was starting to grow on him. He liked having to put in a little extra effort to make Keith feel good. “So insatiable.”

Keith blushed and shuddered a little as his touch. “Sh-shut up. I’m not insatiable. Pervert.”

“Whatever you say.” Lance picked up the vibrator and gently pressed it against the calamus. Keith looked slightly confused but before he could say anything, Lance flicked it onto the lowest setting. 

The reaction was practically instant. Keith’s pupils dilated to the point they were completely black and thick amounts of dark blue slick started oozing out between the calamus teeth. Very slowly each tooth retracted, but as soon as there was enough of a gap, Lance slipped the bullet vibrator inside and kicked the vibrator up another notch. 

Keith yelped in surprise. His hips bucked up as all the calamus quickly retracted and his cocks quickly unsheathed, wrapping around the wires of the remote and yanked it out of Lance’s hand. “Oh fuck!” He moaned. “Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh Darzel! Fuck!”

Lance jumped a little in surprise at the reaction and quickly attempted to unwrap the wire from his dick. “That good huh? Who’s Darzel?”

Keith was panting heavily. “Huh? Oh… um… Galran creation god. Darzel...”

That made Lance smirk. “Really now? Well while I’m flattered I’d appreciate it if you called me Lance.”

Keith rolled his eyes and lightly pushed him away with his leg. “Ah, shut up. You’re not that good.”

Lance gasped in fake shock. “What? How mean of you. Here I am being all nice and trying to untangle your dicks from this wire. Rude.”

Keith pouted. “Overly dramatic much?”

“... You are a very rude alien. You know that right?”

“Yep. The worst.”

“...” Lance quickly pressed the bullet vibrator deep inside him. Keith’s back arched and he bit the back of his hand and moaned quietly. His dicks writhed and rolled around his stomach. Lance still felt that looked really weird to him kind of like worms, but Keith was very obviously happy with what was going on right now. So Lance kicked it up to the highest setting.

“F-fuck!” Keith choked out.

Looking down at Keith’s beautiful flushed face and blown out lust filled eyes. It did things to Lance. He leaned forward and kissed him. Keith was more than willing to return his affection and kissed him back with passion. He lightly bit at his lips and tried to lick inside of his mouth. 

Lance moaned and ground his hips against Keith’s. He felt Keith’s tentacle dicks wrap around his own cock and squeezed. It was an interesting experience. It felt almost as good as actually fucking him. Keith was full of surprises.

Quite by mistake Lance moved the hand that was holding the remote and Keith made a particularly high pitched noise. “S-stop pulling it out!” He whined.

“S-sorry.” Panted Lance. He let go of the remote and started to kiss down Keith’s neck. Keith just made too many sweet and beautiful sounds for him not to mark him just a little bit. He wouldn’t bite just in case biting meant something to Galra that it didn’t to humans.

Keith moaned and wrapped his legs around Lance’s hips and tried to pull him closer. Lance shuddered and lightly thrusted against him. They two of them moaned and quickly went back to kissing each other while rutting against each other.

Suddenly Keith’s body went rigid as he came, and oh boy did he come hard. His cocks spasamed and quickly tipped Lance over the edge. When the initial mind blowing bliss wore off Keith pretty much went all boneless. He had a completely blissed out look on his face.

“...” Fuck he was georgeous. Lance quickly removed the vibrator from Keith and turned it off. It took him a few more seconds to regain his breath and started to clean them up. Keith made no protest, in fact he purred and smiled up at him. It felt like someone had punched Lance right in the chest. Yeah, this was it. Lance knew it. He was completely head over heels for this alien. Keith was just too… Too Keith.

Lance quickly dumped the used tissues into the trash and threw a cover over Keith. The alien hummed happily to himself as he relaxed. “Wow… That was… You know I’m definitely keeping that vibrator thing now, right?”

“A-all yours buddy.” Said Lance as he threw on some pants and a shirt. “I um… I’m going to get something to drink… Some water. You want some water too? I think Shiro bought a bunch of water bottle in bulk again. I swear he’s just abusing Matt’s Costco card. Not that I can complain. Bulk food in our shared dorm is a good thing.”

“Yeah, I’ll take a water.”

“Y-yeah. Be back in a bit.” Lance quickly left the room and exhaled heavily through his nose. He definitely had feelings for Keith. He wanted more than just his body. He wanted Keith’s heart or whatever organ Galra associated with love. Could a Galra even accept a human’s form of love? He was just a test subject to Keith. He’d probably find this grossly inappropriate to have an emotional relationship with someone who wasn’t Galra. What was he meant to do now?

***

Keith sighed happily to himself as he recovered from his particularly intense orgasm. That was damn amazing. He had never felt anything like that before. Galra needed to invest in things more like the sex toys humans used. Granted he wasn’t even that well versed in the whole sex toys that Galra did use. He rolled onto his stomach and happily started to type out some notes.

**Additional notes**  
_Human sex toys are intense_

_Humans are getting ready to celebrate another holiday known as Christmas. It is similar to Daknar. X1LH has invited me to enjoy the holiday with his family. It will be a good chance to observe human traditions along with different human ages. I haven’t been able to interact much with younger humans._

_I had a little look at some traditions and one involves gift giving. Would it be inappropriate to give them knives? Knives are practical. They would be considered a good gift. Right?_

He slipped the comms pad back under his bed. And picked up the vibrator. Now… Where the hell was he going to hide this?


	9. Cold Snap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every species has its strengths and weaknesses. Keith's species is not suited for certain snowy environments at all. Now he has to suffer Winter with Lance and his family. Poor bastard. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

The road trip to the McClain house was… It was interesting. As the weather became progressively colder Lance quickly discovered that Galra couldn’t handle the cold. At all. Two days before they were due to leave there was extremely heavy snowfall and Keith was both surprised and terrified at the sudden snow. He was in a panic as he quickly layered up as quickly as he could and stayed buried under his blankets. Hell, he blatantly refused to leave his bed for any reason.

“Galra can’t regulate their body heat like humans do.” Said Keith. “When it gets cold enough to snow we will hibernate. I have to keep my body temperature up or I will slip into a fucking seasonal coma and I am not physically prepared to hibernate! I haven’t eaten the right foods, I don’t have enough fat stored away to survive!”

“Whoa, calm down Keith it’ll be-”

“I’ll go to sleep and wake up looking like I’ve been starving myself! I’ll be skin and bones!” Panicked Keith. “Fuck! And I haven’t been eating any varvara root either! If I’d known your planet fucking snows this close to the equator I would have packed some with me!”

“Varvara root?”

“It plugs everything up so you don’t shit yourself when you’re in the middle of hibernation.” 

“... So you cork yourself?” Asked Lance. “Like a bear?”

“I don’t know what the fuck a bear is Lance!”

So Keith ended up layering up a lot. He was currently wearing two layers of thermal underwear, tights, sweat pants, three layers of socks, two shirts, two jumpers, a jackes, a beanie, gloves and ugg boots. That wasn’t even counting the blanket he had swaddled himself in as he nestled in the passenger seat. He looked very annoyed.

“... I fucking hate your species.” Grumbled Keith. “Stupid fucking naked apes. Fucking bullshit weather. Your species a fucking garbage species. I hate it.”

“Oh boohoo and go take a nap.” Said Lance as he redirected the cars heaters to Keith. “It’s really warm at my parent’s place so you don’t need to worry. The fireplace is so damn hot you could walk around in just your underwear and you’d still be too hot… Please don’t walk around in your underwear around my family.”

“I’m not stupid. I wouldn’t do that.” Grumbled Keith. “... I fucking hate humans. Your weather is complete bullshit. I hate it.”

“Don’t hate it just because your species is bullshit.” Teased Lance. “I can’t help it if humans have an evolutionary advantage over Galra.”

Keith death glared at him. “I will punch you in the throat.”

Lance laughed and kept driving. “So, quick crash course on the McClain clan; mama and pop-pop are my parents. I have four older siblings; Marco, Luis, Veronica, and Rachel. Marco and Rachel are single, so they don’t have any partner or whatever the Galra equivalent is.”

Keith nodded. “Yeah, okay. Got it.”

“Luis is married to Lisa and they have two kids; Nadia and Silvio. Silvio is a year older than Nadia.” Said Lance. “Veronica got married last year, but her wife has to work over the other side of the country so they’re doing their own Christmas stuff next week when she gets back. It was the best they could do on such short notice.”

Keith nodded along as Lance told him all this. “Huh, alright… Wait, sister is what you call a female that is related to you via parents right?”

“Yeah?”

“And a wife is the title given to a female that has done the human bonding ritual thing?”

“That is also correct.”

“... Why would two women want to get married?” Asked Keith. “Hell, why would two men want to get married? I thought humans put a huge emphasis on having biological children? You need a male and a female to make children in your species, right?”

“Oh well yeah…” How was Lance meant to explain this? “Well… It isn’t just about having kids. We got all kinds of work around for that. Things like adoption, IVF, surrogates, all that stuff if a couple can’t naturally have kids. Personally I’d prefer if people adopted, but each to their own I guess… But like, it isn’t just about having kids with humans. We have to have to be with someone that we like, you know, love? Someone we can trust. Someone we can build a future with… We aren’t bound by what’s in our pants.”

“Huh, okay. Similar to Galra then.”

Lance raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Really?”

“Yeah. I just kind of assumed humans were more about making babies and stuff since a large majority of the human population seems to take priority in making your females pop out babies.”

“Okay. Fair enough… Some people are like that, but they are assholes.”

Eventually they made their way up to the McClain house hold. It still looked the same as it always did; a two story home with a huge porch with a few old chairs. There was a huge wreath on the door that was decorated with lots of red and white plastic flowers. It was the one his parents had been using for years. There were already several cars parked in the driveway and on the street. Lance pulled up and smiled at Keith.

“Okay, so we’ll grab the stuff out the back and get inside as quickly as possible.” Said Lance. “It’ll be fine.”

“Got it.”

The two of them nodded and quickly grabbed their bags out of the car and quickly made their way up to the house. Before they made it to the door the front door flung open and two small children came charging out house.

“Uncle Lance!” Squealed his niece and nephew as they launched themselves at him. 

Lance only just managed to crouch down in time before his tiny relatives knocked him into the snow. He grinned and hugged them. “Nadia! You’ve gotten so tall! Silvio! You look just like Luis did when he was your age.”

Silvio grinned. “Yeah! Who’s that?”

“Oh, this is my friend Keith.” He looked over at Keith who awkwardly waved at them. “... We should get inside. He really doesn’t like the cold, and if I’m not mistaken you two are just wearing socks.”

The kids quickly ran back into the house and Lance happily ushered Keith inside too. Seconds after Lance stepped inside he ended up getting pulled into a bear hug by Luis and dragged into the lounge room where most of his family was. “Lance is here guys!”

Lance quickly said his hellos to his sisters and his sister in law before quickly scampering away to the kitchen where the rest of his family was. His pop-pop and Marco were kneading bread while his mother was busy chopping fruit.

She immediately stopped and hugged him. “Lance.” She said. “You’ve gotten so tall! Have you been eating well? It has been too long since we’ve seen you.”

“I've been eating well mama.”

“You and your friend are going to be in your room. Is that okay?”

“It’ll be fine mama. Thank you.”

“Where is your friend anyway?”

“...” Lance looked around to find Keith, but he wasn’t there. “I’ll be back in a minute.” He quickly went back out and quickly found Keith awkwardly standing in the entrance way. He looked very confused about what was going on. Lance just smiled at him and tugged him along to the kitchen. “Mama, pop-pop, and Marco, this is my friend Keith.”

Keith awkwardly waved. “Hi.”

Mama McClain smiled at him. “Nice to meet you Keith. It is a little cold out there isn’t it?”

Keith nodded in agreement. “Y-yeah… I don’t do well in cold weather… My body has a lot of problems keeping warm. It's am um, medical issue...”

“Well, we’ll make sure the place stays nice and warm so you’ll be fine.” She smiled and patted his arm. “We’ll make sure that you get a seat near the fireplace. Can’t have you getting cold now.”

“Thank you.”

She gave Keith a reassuring smile and looked over at Lance. “If he needs another blanket you know where to get them.”

“Will do mama. We’re gonna put our bags away now.”

“Okay. You do that. Oh, would you boys like some hot chocolate?”

Keith looked horrified and quickly looked over at Lance. “I-I um… I…”

“Mama, Kieth is allergic to chocolate.” Said Lance. “It’s something in cocoa that sets him off. He gets really, really sick. Remember?”

“Oh! Right. I completely forgot… Eggnog?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. That sounds good. Thank you.”

Lance smiled and happily lead Keith upstairs to his room. It was a little cool up in his room, but it shouldn’t be as bad as being outside. Shouldn’t cause Keith to start hibernating. He dumped his bad on his bed and watched Keith put his duffel bag next to the air mattress and started to remove several of his layers.

“... Did I insult her?” He asked.

“Huh?”

Keith shuffled around nervously. “I um… I… I turned down her hospitality… I turned down a hot chocolate. Did I insult her? What’s eggnog? Is this some passive aggressive thing? Is she mad at me?”

Lance quickly walked over to him and held his hands. “Hey, calm down there Keith. Mama wasn’t insulted. She just forgot that I told her you’re allergic to chocolate. She’s doing a lot of stuff right now. Do not eat chocolate if it's offered. Just politely decline and just say you could die if you eat it. Most people will drop it if you tell them that.”

“Oh, okay… So she isn’t mad at me?”

“Not in the slightest.” He smiled and gestured to the door. “Come on. I want to show you off to the rest of my family.”

***

Lance was glad that his family was very welcoming towards Keith. Nadia and Silvio were being excitable young kids and had somehow managed to rope Keith into making paper snowflakes. His niece and nephew were very good at crafts, but they were a little pushy when it came to what to do.

“No, no!” Said Silvio. “You gotta cut it like this!”

“Like this?” Asked Keith.

“No!” Said Nadia. “If you do that it’ll fall apart! You gotta cut it there!”

“Like this?”

“Yep. Better.” Nadia got some string and sticky tape when they had enough snowflakes and stuck them on. “Uncle Lance? Help us get it on the tree please.”

“Of course.” Lance very carefully took the string of paper snowflakes and wrapped it around the tree. “You two did a good job, as always. You didn’t do too bad either there Keith.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “You didn’t even help.”

“Um, hello? I put it on the tree?”

“Keith right.” Called Rachel from the couch. “You did nothing.”

Lance gasped in fake horror. “Rachel! My twin! My womb-mate! How could you betray me so?”

“Easy. I’m your big sister.”

“By two minutes!”

Rachel chuckled and pointed at him. “Baby.”

“I’m not a baby! I-” 

Suddenly Luis picked Lance up and dropped him on the beanbag next to Keith on the floor. He grinned down at Lance and poked his forehead. “Baby.”

Keith snickered and started folding some paper, showing Nadia and Silvio how to make throwing stars out of paper. They thought it was cool. Lance knew one of them was going to end up poking someone in the eye, or flinging it into the fire.

“And if you wrap them in foil-” Said Keith. “-you can make a sharp point at the end and-.”

Lance quickly put his hand over Keith’s mouth. “Nope! No you don’t. No giving the young one’s weapons. That’s bad.” Keith huffed and glared at him. “Because they are not responsible enough for sharp things.” Keith huffed and crossed his arms. “Oh quit sulking. Luis and Lisa would not appreciate you teaching them how to make weapons.”

***

Dinner with the family went pretty well. As always Lance’s mama made lots of food for everyone. Keith seemed quite happy as he quietly ate what was put in front of him. He was glad Keith looked happy. Though he did seem to be going after some of the more fatty stuff. Lance kind of felt that this might have been his hibernating instinct’s telling him to put on some weight.

Eventually the two of them went retreated to Lance’s room.Keith very awkwardly tried to make himself comfortable on the air mattress. Though he kind of looked Veronica’s old cat trying to walk across the trampoline. He did not look comfortable at all.

“You doing okay there Keith?”

Keith huffed a little and rolled off the mattress. “... I will shank you with a pair of scissors.”

“Hah, you’re an idiot. Wanna get in bed with me?”

“... Yes.” Keith quickly got into bed with Lance and promptly stole all the covers.

“Hey!”

Keith stuck his tongue out. “I need this more than you. You won’t slip into a coma if you get too cold. Fuck you. You and your fucking ability to regulate your fucking body temperature.”

Lance pouted. “You know, I’m warmer than the blankets.”

“I am paranoid about this.” Muttered Keith. “If I start hibernating I am out until the snow thaws.”

“Yeah well, my body is still warmer.”

“...” Keith huffed and practically threw himself onto Lance, knocking him over and almost smothering him with his weight and the covers.

“Argh, you’re heavy.”

“Shut up. I’m cold.” Keith quickly moved around so Lance was under the covers with him. 

Lance rolled his eyes and patted his back. “Yeah well, you’re doing what you can to stay warm. You’re still wearing like, two layers of thermal underwear and... Wait…” Lance rubbed his foot against Keith’s feet and frowned. “Are you wearing socks?”

“Yes.”

“Nope. This isn’t gonna work. Socks off, now.”

“How about you kindly go and fuck yourself with a rusty nail.” Growled Keith. “My feet are not getting cold because you don’t like it. I don’t want to fucking hibernate. Do I need to remind you I won’t wake the fuck up at all? Also I haven’t eaten any varvara so if if do happen to start hibernating I will in fact, shit myself. Do you really want to deal with that?”

“... Yeah I don’t want to put you in adult diapers until you wake the fuck up again.” 

Keith pulled a face. “That’s disgusting.”

“Agreed… Damn, you guys must take the mother of all shits when you wake up after hibernation… Like taking the mother of all taco bell shits...”

“Well, I guess?” Said Keith. “I don’t know what a taco bell is.”

“Shitty Mexican food. Don’t eat it unless you have to.”

“Huh… Okay.” Keith snuggled up to him and seemed to make it a point to rub his sock covered feet on Lance’s feet, just to piss him off.

“... I hate you so much right now.”

“Deal with it or freeze ape man.”

“Yeah, I’m pushing you out now.” Lance went to lightly push Keith away, but the Galra just growled at him and bit down hard on his shoulder. Lance instantly froze and Keith did too. They stayed still for what seemed like hours before Keith slowly let him go. “... Ow?”

“... I’m so sorry.” Keith quickly got off of Lance and curled up on the air mattress. He didn’t even take a blanket with him.

“...” Lance gathered the blankets and walked over to Keith, quickly throwing them over him. “Don’t hibernate man. Humans will freak the fuck out and take you to a hospital, and then they will freak out more.”

“I know…” Keith curled up on the bed and glanced back over at Lance. “Shouldn’t have bitten you. Sorry.”

“Yeah, but it’s no big deal… I wasn’t going to actually kick you out you idiot.” Said Lance quietly. He touched his shoulder and flinched. He wasn’t bleeding but that was definitely going to bruise. “... Look, I’m not mad. Come back to bed with me. Aren’t we like nesting buddies or something?”

“...”

Lance sighed and crouched down next to him. “Look, I get it. You got freaked out when I said I’d kick you out. I was joking… Um, humans don’t normally bite other people and stuff so like, if that was like meant as a threat in Galra I um… I’m sorry…”

Keith stayed still for a moment before he quickly grabbed some things out of his bad and quickly headed out. “I’m going to the bathroom.” In a flash he was gone.

Lance sighed in defeat as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. Only he could fuck things up with Keith this badly. Biting him like that probably meant fuck off or as a warning in Galran. He needed a book about Galras so he wouldn’t keep second guessing himself like how he was right now. He took the covers and dumped them back on his bed. He flopped face down and silently waited for Keith to come back.

***

Keith was currently sitting on the toilet as he quietly wondered if he should have decided to hibernate instead. That would have saved him from the embarrassment of explaining to Lance what that bite actually meant in Galran. It was meant to be a playful nip. One of affection. He and Lance were just messing around after all… And it was just a play bite. It wasn’t like Keith was trying to mark him or anything.

But then he froze and Keith panicked. Humans don’t bite. He bit Lance hard. He probably hated him now… But he’d tried to comfort him? Did that mean Lance was okay with him biting him? Probably not. He was probably just doing that to preserve his own skin. Lance was probably afraid of him. He knew compared to most earth animals he had very strong jaw muscles. If he needed to he could bite through solid steel a few dozen times.

He could have seriously bitten a chunk out of Lance’s shoulder. He would not have appreciated that in the slightest. He needed to keep reminding himself that Lance was human. He was human and wasn’t Galra so he shouldn’t do Galra things with him anymore than he already has. It would end badly. He should just deflect because Lance was so… He was so… 

He was Lance. He was human. Some strange, weird human. A strange weird human with sun kissed skin and amazing blue eyes. His body was was a fragile mess. Made up of so many bullshit organs all wired up so strangely and grotesquely incorrectly it made him cringe, but he still managed to still look so… Lance was very attractive to Keith. In a totally aesthetic sense only of course. He wouldn’t want to be unprofessional.

But Lance was sexy and hot and he… For a few fleeting moments when he stilled all he could think of was how very much Lance was his. All his. Which was probably even worse than just giving him a play bite. But Lance was technically is his? He’s actually is his test subject. Lance kind of belonged to him, but he didn’t? But he didn’t at the same time. It was giving Keith mixed feelings.

Mixed feelings that for some reason manifested itself as confused arousal. With an annoyed groan Keith quickly pulled down his pants and underwear. It wasn’t as bad as he thought. He was only starting to produce a small bit of slick. His calamus hadn’t even started to retract yet. It was like his body was questioning if this was a situation he should be aroused by or not. Keith would have punched himself right in the calamus if he knew it wouldn’t hurt like a bitch.

All he did was bite Lance and pin him down. This should not be arousing to him. Why was his biology working against him now? This was bullshit! He blamed the stupid weather on earth. Earth weather was fucking him up. He sat on the toilet and waited for his wave of confused arousal to wash over him.

However, he started to realise that this was a very, very bad idea. The bathroom was probably one of the coldest rooms in the house. He was still worried about suddenly slipping into hibernation and Lance’s family having to deal with this. It might be easier to rub one out rather than just sit around and panic in the cold. Besides, any one of the McClain family could come by and want to use the bathroom.

He sighed in defeat and quickly started to run his fingers over his calamus. He shuddered at the feeling of his nails lightly clicking over each individual one. He bit his bottom lip as he quickly felt a build up of slick over his fingers. Fuck, it felt good. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back when he felt the calamus finally give way and he felt his hypersensitive, slick, and soft folds.

His fingertips were slightly colder than the rest of his body and it made him moan slightly in delight. He gently ran his fingers over the rim of his sheath. He felt it quiver slightly as the skin quivered and retracted as his cocks quickly unsheathed. Keith put his hand over them and slowly dragged his hand up, firmly stroking them both as they slipped through his fingers.

It was good. Fuck it felt amazing, but it felt better when Lance was touching them. He was a little clumsy with his hands and unsure how to get him off. It was still really good. Half of what he did with his hands was either too soft or a little too rough. But for some reason Keith didn’t mind. The way Lance would always look up at him and check that he was doing it right was endearing. 

Then there was the way he would take him in his mouth. That was fucking incredible. It was so warm, and hot, and tight. He just wanted to keep fucking his mouth and getting his cocks as far down the other man’s throat as he could. And that was just his mouth. Fucking him was good too. It felt different from having sex with other Galra, but it was a good different. If he could he could would probably fuck Lance all day just to test a human’s endurance. Of course they would have to do it several times so Keith could calculate an average. For science. Obviously.

He moved his hand slightly faster and with his other hand he quickly started to tease and stroke his sensitive flesh before he quickly started to finger fuck himself. He needed to get off as quickly as possible. He should have brought the vibrator with him when he grabbed some stuff and escaped to the bathroom. Keith curled his fingers and shuddered when his fingers brushed against a sensitive spot that Lance always managed to hit when he fucked him.

“F-fuck…” He moaned quietly. “Lance… Oh fuck Lance…”

Just imagining that Lance was above him and fucking him was enough to push Keith over the edge. He shuddered and came on his hands. He was a mess. He sighed and quickly cleaned himself up. He might as well clean his teeth or at least try to since he brought his bathroom stuff with him, and for some reason his comms pad.

He might as well quickly update his notes while he used his mouthwash, right?

**Additional notes;**  
_Earth weather sucks. If snows much closer to the equator of the planet than previously thought. Any visiting Galra must take extreme caution when visiting these places. It is much too cold and horrible. Humans are freaks of nature and can stay in freezing environments as well as hot._

_In other news learning about Christmas traditions and origins are weird. Such as the birth of a demi-god from a virgin. Sounds like some humans back in the day didn’t understand the basics of reproduction. Other stories have to do with a red fat man breaking and entering to deliver presents. Humans are strange creatures._

_X1LH has invited me to stay with his family for the holiday of Christmas. It seems like the humans who enjoy this holiday drink melted chocolate and a drink made from eggs known as eggnog. Until informed otherwise I will assume that eggnog is made from the eggs of a bird called a nog. I will investigate that later._

_The youngest of X1LH’s family invited me to create what they called “paper snowflakes”. These fake snowflakes were used to decorate a dead tree in the middle of the humans family room and is known as a Christmas tree. It reminds me of Chorak but they use a plant and not the corpse of a parchora._

Deciding he’d been in the bathroom too long he quickly made his way back into Lance’s room. Lance was on his bed reading something on his phone. Keith dumped his stuff back in his bag and slipped into bed next to him.

“... Are you okay now?”

“Yeah. I’m fine…” Said Keith quietly. “I shouldn’t have bitten you.”

“It’s fine. I’ve already forgotten about it… We should sleep. Keep you all warm and stuff, you know?”

Keith nodded and snuggled into Lance. Lance was too nice to him. It made him feel good just to be with him. Lance was warm. He was nice. Kind of an asshole at times, but Keith could take it. It was kind of nice having a bit of a banter with Lance every now and then.

“Night Lance.” Keith closed his eyes and smiled a little when he felt Lance run his fingers through his hair. It felt wonderfully soothing after stressing out so much about suddenly hibernating for a few days. Jerking off probably helped too.

“Y-yeah. Night Keith. Still got a few days before Christmas.”

“Hmmm. Can’t wait to see what else you humans do for Christmas.” And that wasn’t a lie. Keith really was excited. So far human holidays had been really fun.


	10. Breathless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas traditions continue to confuse poor Keith and Lance is a slightly jealous bean. Also, it's my first time writing this particular kink so it's not very good at all. Eh, I tried. It isn't a very sexy chapter in my opinion but hey, each t their own. Hope the pinning and poor confused alien antics are enough for you all. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

The next day, Nadia and Silvio went and built snowmen in the backyard with their parents while the rest of the rest of the family ran around doing Christmas stuff. Keith awkwardly sat on the couch eating gingerbread cookies. He was just quietly sat and observed everything. He quietly took mental notes about Christmas and what the family was doing.

Everything was fine until Rachel decided to sticky tape some mistletoe on the door frame to the lounge room. Which wasn’t a bad thing. They usually did that sort of thing anyway, but Keith didn’t know what mistletoe was. And before he could explain what it was Keith happened to pass by under it as Rachel was also walking under with a box of decorations.

She paused for a moment and lightly tugged on his arm. “Hey Keith. Where you running off to?” She asked.

“Kitchen?” He said as more of a question.

Rachel just pointed up at the bit of plant. “Not yet you’re not. Mistletoe.”

Keith looked up and gave her a confused look. “Yes?”

She rolled her eyes. “How have you not heard about kissing under the mistletoe?” Rachel asked. Seeing how he was giving her a blank look she explained. “When two people stand under the mistletoe you’re meant to kiss each other. But I totally get it if you don’t want to. We hardly know each other and junk.”

Keith started blushing. “O-oh… I um… I…I-I don’t mind… It’s um… It’s okay. I’m okay with that...”

Hearing him stutter made Rachel giggle. She quickly kissed him on the cheek and walked into the lounge room. “Merry Christmas Keithy.”

“Y-you too.” Keith quickly scurried off to the kitchen with his fingers pressed against the cheek she had kissed.

Lance had observed the whole exchange from the dining room and was mildly annoyed. He and Rachel were fraternal twins and although they technically didn’t share the exact same DNA since they were fraternal and everything, but they did share a lot of things in common. More common than the usual fraternal twins. They had the same skin care routine, similar taste in clothes, they liked the same sports, got similar grades, and they also had the same taste in men. Which sucked because he totally knew that she would try and get with Keith if he didn’t shut her down right now or told her he was seeing someone else. Which he was. Keith was fucking him! Rachel hated octopus too so there would be no way they would sleep together.

“Hey, you distracted or something?” Asked Veronica.

“Huh?”

“You turned that flower into a scrunched up mess.”

Lance looked down at the origami flower he had been making as little decorations for the table tomorrow. He had destroyed his. “Oh…”

“Yeah.” Veronica nudged him. “So, you all jelly that Rachel just kissed Keith’s cheek? Got some competition?”

Lance blushed and quickly grabbed hold of another piece of paper. “What? No. Shut up. There’s no competition… Keith can get kissed by whoever he wants…”

“Right… So you aren’t worried he’ll hook up with Rachel and get her number?”

“Keith isn’t interested in girls.” Said Lance. “... Oh um… He isn’t really out yet so... Zip it.” While Keith had mentioned he can’t seem himself getting together physically with a woman because they reminded him too much of mothers on his home planet. Also, didn’t he mention something about female presenting Galra being the ones that made the first move? Wouldn’t that mean that someone like Rachel could actually potentially be telling Keith she’s interested in him? Lance desperately needed a book about Galra social cues.

Veronica just nodded and went back to folding paper. “Fair enough… But you know how flirty Rachel is. You two are as bad as each other. Don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea and Christmas getting ruined.”

“Christmas isn’t going to get ruined.” Muttered Lance.

Keith walked into the dining room with a cookie in his mouth. “... What are you two doing?”

“Making flowers.” Said Veronica. “Want to join us?” Keith nodded and Veronica showed him how to make flowers. He quickly picked it up and was quickly making flowers. When he got to his third flower Veronica stood up and stretched. “Well, I’m making myself a coffee. You boys want anything to drink? Water Orange juice?”

“Get me a juice V.” Said Lance.

“Water is fine.” Said Keith quietly. She nodded and quickly went off leaving the two of them alone. Once they were alone Keith stopped making flowers and awkwardly tapped his fingers against the table. “Lance?”

“Yeah?”

“So um… your sister kissed me...”

“Yeah, I saw.”

Keith nodded slowly. “I um… I don’t understand…”

“You two were under the mistletoe.” Said Lance. “It’s just a Christmas tradition. You hang up mistletoe and you kiss someone when you pass under it. I think it’s a fertility thing or something? Don’t quote me on that.”

Keith nodded and tapped his fingers on the table. “So… It isn’t a bad thing?”

“No, but you should ask someone before kissing them.” Said Lance. “We only hang it up for decoration anyway. So… Don’t just randomly kiss my family members.”

“I’m not going to.” Said Keith. “I just don’t understand Christmas traditions… I’d just like to kiss you under the mistletoe…”

Lance’s heart skipped a beat. “Oh? Really?”

“Yeah. I want to see if there is some truth to the whole fertility thing.” Said Keith. “I wonder if I’d become more fertile if we kissed under the mistletoe?” 

“...I thought you were on birth control?”

“Oh I am.” Said Keith. “But I have a few tests strips I can pee on to test my hormone levels just to make sure I’m not eating things that will make me sick. If my estrogen levels start rising then I can assume that there might be some weird earth magic going on and I can look into it. Even if my levels rise a little bit I won’t get knocked up. My estrogen levels are practically at 12, which is base level for a normal Galra my age.”

“Oh, right… Obviously.” Muttered Lance. Yeah, Keith wasn’t interested in having having his kids. Hypothetical kids of course. Lance was way too young to start having kids and Keith didn’t seem interested in suddenly being a mother. Which was fair enough… Why the fuck did Lance care about Keith having kids? His kids? Why the hell? He was confusing himself now. Keith didn’t even consider him as anything more than a friend.

Keith smiled a little at him. “What? You worried I’m going to pop out a mini Lance some day?”

Lance went bright red. “W-what? No!”

“You so are.” Keith chuckled and kept making flowers. “Well they would obviously have to be raised Galra.”

“What? Why?”

“No offspring of mine will not know how to use at least three different weapons by the time they reach the human equivalent age of seven.”

“Our kid is not allowed near any weapons.” Said Lance in a warning tone. “No knives. No weapons. No nothing.”

“But how will they defend themselves?”

“With their quick wit.”

“What?”

“Not what. Wit.”

Keith glared at him. “Set yourself on fire.”

Lance chuckled and kept making flowers. “Well our weird purple cat baby is not gonna be around anything sharp.”

“Okay fine.” Grumbled Keith. “Bludgeoning objects only.”

Lance was about to snap back with something witty when Veronica walked in and gave them their drinks. “Here you go boys. Almost done?”

“Yeah. Just two more.” Said Lance. The two of them quickly made the last flowers and put them on a box to decorate the table tomorrow. When they were done they retreated to the lounge room. Lance sat on one of the couches and Keith sat on the floor next to him. It seemed like he wanted to be on the floor so he could be closer to the coffee table so he could be closer to the gingerbread cookies. “You really like those cookies, huh?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. They are good.”

“Yeah… You seem to be eating a lot more than usual. Have you noticed that?”

“... Yeah. It’s cold.” Said Keith. He grabbed another cookie. “When it gets cold I eat more… Shiro’s gonna make me run so any laps when we next see him…”

Lance laughed and patted his shoulder. “Little late to be packing it away to hibernate now Keithy.”

Keith pouted and ate his cookie. “Shut up I know I’m gonna get fat. No need to rub it in.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “I didn’t call you fat you idiot. Didn’t realise you were so vain there Keithy.”

“... Stop calling me Keithy.”

“Okay mullet.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay. I’m going to strangle you now.”

“Whatever you say mullet.” Said Lance as he leaned back on the couch. Seconds later Keith was standing over him. “... You weren’t joking, were you?”

“Nope.” Keith moved to strangle him just as Silvio and Nadia raced into the room.

“Uncle Lance!” Said Nadia. “We made snowmen! A big snow family! … What are you trying to do to him?”

Keith glanced over at the kids. “Lance insulted me and I am defending my honour by killing him. You guys want to help?”

“YEAH!” The kids jumped on Lance while Keith just stood back and watched them. They attacked Lance with tickles and couch cushions. Lance flailed around. He wasn’t going to hit them or anything but he was defending his face and stomach from hits.

“Traitors!” Whined Lance. “My own flesh and blood have sided against me! How could you do that?” The kids just laughed and continued their attack on Lance until Lisa managed to get them off him.

“Now you two, stop attacking Lance. Go and put your snow jackets away.” She said. The kids pouted and quickly ran off to change their clothes. She shook her head but smiled at them. “They are so full of energy today. Well that’s Christmas Eve for you.” Lisa looked over at Keith. “So what does your family usually do for Christmas?”

Keith kind of froze up for a moment and awkwardly looked over at Lance before back at Lisa. “I um… I’ve never celebrated this before. I’m an orphan and um… I just never did this… This is my first Christmas.”

Lisa seemed very surprised to hear that and seemed to be going through several different thoughts at once. “If you don’t mind me asking, did you live in a home where they just didn’t do it or was it a religious place that didn’t celebrate Christmas?”

Keith shrugged. “We just didn’t do it. This is all new to me.”

“Oh, how are you liking it so far?”

“It’s nice. I like it.” Said Keith quietly. “It’s different.”

“Well I’m glad you’re having fun.”

***

Later that night when the two boys made their way back to Lance’s room. Lance had told Keith that they need to get to bed early because Nadia and Silvio would be their wake up calls the next day. Keith didn’t really understand that but he was happy enough to do what Lance wanted to do.

Lance had decided to read a book while Keith started making himself comfortable in Lance’s bed. Though he did look a little uncomfortable. Which was weird. One second he was on his back and pressed up against Lance, then he was facing the wall, then he was laying across Lance’s legs, then he was sitting on his lap. He looked frustrated. 

He lowered the book and looked at him. “You need something?”

“I’ve been frustrated for a while.” He admitted. “It’s too cold. I can’t go outside without being layered up. I can’t get comfortable. We can’t have sex because we are at your parents place.”

Lance practically choked on air. “Oh… You want to do it… Now… Here… In my parent’s house… Where the walls are kind of thin… Where anyone could hear us…”

Keith huffed and crossed his arms. “This is why I said we can’t.” He grumbled. “I can’t do anything and it is frustrating… It’s like when it gets too cold I can either hibernate or go crazy doing other stuff.”

“What did you do?” Asked Lance. “Like in space and everything?”

“My ship is climate controlled. I haven’t needed to hibernate in roughly ten years.”

“... That does not sound healthy.”

Keith shrugged. “I got more work done. There are no major side effects to not hibernating when we have good climate control. I’m actively trying to keep myself awake every second… I don’t want to hibernate… Hibernating alone is scary…”

“...” Lance put his book down and gently cupped Keith’s face. “What is hibernating usually like for you? Like, do you do it with your nesting groups?”

“Kind of.” Muttered Keith. “Since we hibernate for so long me and the others would have to nest together… And since I was the smallest I would always start hibernating first before everyone else. The colder we are the longer we hibernate… No one really wanted a runt around so I’d always be one of the last to wake up. Even though I was the smallest and should have been put near the center of the nest, over the course of a few weeks just from moving I’d be pushed to the edge… Sometimes one of the adults would put a blanket over me to help warm me up faster, but I’ve always woken up last. I hate hibernating…”

Lance was surprised to hear that. “Is that why you really don’t want to hibernate? I kind of thought it was because you didn’t want to shit yourself.”

“Well there is that too.” Grumbled Keith. He sighed a little and lied next to Lance instead. “Just forget it. I’m just some weird alien freak. I’ve asked too much of you already anyway.”

“You haven’t asked much from me at all.”

“Of course you’d think that. You’re a dumb human.”

“Yeah, yeah, a dumb human with an abomination of a body. You’ve said it all before.” Lance poked his cheek. “Tell me a freaky think Galra can do that humans can’t.”

“... You can’t strangle us to death unless you snap our necks.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. We kind of have this second trachea in the top of our mouths.” Said Keith as he gestured to the top of his mouth. He then quickly drew a line down the side of his face with his finger to the back of his neck. “It’s call the trachea minor. It goes straight to our lungs so if something gets stuck in our throat we won’t die. We can’t speak but we can get help. If our neck is broken the trachea minor is usually crushed or punctured by our vertebra.”

“Huh… Well that is different. So it’s like a snorkel or something?”

“Something like that.” Said Keith. “It kind of does poke out a little like a snorkel when it’s in use but like, it’s just meant to keep up alive enough so we can clear our throats.”

“Huh… What does it look like?”

“Strangle me and find out.”

Lance paused for a moment and stared down at Keith. “... You’re joking, right?”

Keith gave him a confused look. “No? My trachea minor doesn’t work unless I can’t breathe from my trachea major.” He moved one of Lance’s hands around his throat and carefully positioned his fingers. “If you squeeze with your hands like this you’ll just slow the blood flow to my brain. It’ll make me dizzy, short of breath, but it won’t kill me or anything like that.”

“Really?” Lance was kind of nervous. “Do you um… Do you want me to strangle you or something?”

Keith shrugged. “Might as well. I haven’t used it in a while. Might as well make sure that it isn’t clogged or anything. Consider it a health assessment on my end.”

“Oh… Okay?” Lance was confused and just squeezed his neck.

Keith gave Lance a very unamused look. “You are not very good at this are you?”

“Oh I’m sorry. I’ve never strangled anyone before in my life mr weirdo alien.”

Keith rolled his eyes and moved Lance so he was straddling his hips and moved his other hand to his throat. “Okay, let’s try two handed this time. Squeeze like you did before. But harder. Like you mean it.”

“... I swear if this turns out to be some weird ass Galra kink I will tie your dicks in a knot.” Grumbled Lance.

Keith looked shocked for a moment before he chuckled. “Don’t flatter yourself. I doubt a human of your stature could actually strangle a Galra anyway... Maybe Shiro could. He’s built like a warship. He could probably strangle me with one hand. Not like he has much of a choice anyway. Since he’s kind of missing an arm and all.”

Lance sighed and gave into Keith’s demands and slowly started to squeeze. “And people say I talk way too much… If you bruise from this I am going to scream.”

Keith just smirked and at him and rolled. Lance wasn’t squeezing particularly hard or anything at the moment. Keith’s chest was still moving normally so Lance slowly increased the pressure. He was very cautious. He didn’t want Keith to actually choke if something went horribly wrong. Keith became impatient and put his hands over Lance’s in an effort to try and make him squeeze harder. 

Lance hesitated, but he complied. Eventually Keith’s chest stopped moving and he made a small gurgling noise. Lance would have let go of him immediately if it weren’t for the vice like grip Keith had over his own hands. Keith opened his mouth and Lance watched in morbid curiosity as a strange looking pink tube squirmed out of the top of his mouth. It was such a strange thing to see. It quivered slightly and looked like it was gulping air. Like a fucking eel. It was disturbing, but strangely hypnotic.

Keith squirmed a little under him but didn’t seem distressed. It was kind of weird to see someone so calm and relaxed while getting throttled. Damn, it. Why the absolute fuck did Keith seem so fine with this? Maybe this was just him since he was human and his human brain was telling him that Keith should be dying? He had no idea.

“A-are you okay?” Asked Lance. “Is this fine?”

Keith smiled and gave him a quick thumbs up before he quickly closed his eyes. Lance was… He was slightly weirded out by this. He was also very concerned about one of his family members suddenly walking in on this. This was going to be extremely awkward and so hard to explain why he was choking Keith. They would either think this was attacking Keith, of this was some weird sex this. He quietly prayed that if someone did walk in it wasn’t Veronica or Rachel… of his mama… or pop-pop… or Macro… Luis… Lisa… Nadia, or Silvio… Okay, he would just jump out the window if anyone walked in.

Keith bucked his hips slightly against Lance. Lance just assumed that the alien was just trying to get a little more comfortable under him. That made sense, right? Keith lightly ran one of his hands up his arm, and Lance started to question if Keith was getting a little something extra out of this.

Suddenly Keith shuddered violently and went limp. This made Lance panic and he quickly let go of Keith’s throat. Keith just hummed happily and took a deep breath. Lance was very confused until he tried to get off Keith and realized there was something very wet, slimy, and warm seeping through Keith’s pants. That horny little fucker was getting off to getting strangled.

“... Keith.”

“Y-yeah?” Asked a bleary eyed Keith.

“I’m going to tie your dicks into a knot.”

“... Yeah. Okay. That’s fair.”

***

Once Keith had changed his pants Lance had banished him to the floor until he had finished his book. Which seemed fair enough to Keith. He went ahead and decided to make a little entry in his comms pad. It had been a while since he had written made his own entry since he had been preoccupied with making notes about all the weird humans he’d come across.

**Personal log entry; 48735**  
_I have discovered I have a new kink by accident. I was just having a talk with X1LH with about the trachea major and trachea minor when it occurred to me that it has been a while since I’ve had my last medical. So it has been a while since I’ve breathed with it. Since X1LH seemed interested in seeing what it looks like I allowed him to manually asphyxiate me till I started breathing with my trachea minor_

_He was obviously nervous at first since humans will more than likely die if they do something similar, since they don’t have a trachea minor, it was understandable. Still, he did as I asked and I did get some good data on his physical strength. Which is quite useful._

“Okay, I’m done reading.” Said Lance.

Keith perked up and happily got back into bed with Lance. “So… To be honest I didn’t think I had that kink… And I um… to be fair any time I had to test my trachea minor I’d use an inhaler the doctors would prescribe. Never had someone manually strangle me before… So um… Surprise? I’ll make it up to you later?”

“Damn right you are.” Mumbled Lance. “You got off in my parents house. During Christmas. Damn horny Galra bastard.” Keith just nodded along. There was no way he was going to tell Lance that he jerked off in the bathroom the other night. Lance would bury him alive in a pile of snow if he found out.


	11. Very Merry Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They boys enjoy their Christmas together. They are just boys being boys who are totally in love with one another, but are both idiots. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

Christmas morning was crazy. Silvio and Nadia woke up the entire house with their chanting of; “It’s Christmas! It’s Christmas! It’s Christmas!” To be honest that didn’t wake Lance up as much as Keith flailing and falling out of bed and hitting the floor next to him, followed by a very pissed off hiss.

The whole house slowly woke up and people shuffled out into the lounge room where Nadia and Silivio were bouncing in front of the tree just hoping that they could rip into their gifts. But they had a system when it came to this. The kids had to sit and wait until pop-pop and Veronica handed out coffee to the adults and some water for the kids. Then they had to wait for Marco, since he was the oldest of the McClain children he was the one that handed out the presents to everyone.

“Alright.” He said as he grabbed a present. “First one goes to… Pop-pop!” He passed it over and the old man happily opened it took out a new pair of slippers.

“Good.” Said the old man. “My other ones were wearing out.”

“Next four; Nadia, Silvio, Rachel, Lisa.” Macro happily passed the gifts around. Lisa got a gift certificate for a fancy spa day at some super classy place. Rachel got a body and facial gift box. The kids got some interesting looking toys.

Nadia grinned and hugged her ferby. “Yay! Now Meep has a friend! … Beep! Meep and Beep! The furby friends, no sisters! Furby sisters!”

Silvio was trying to remove his remote control T-Rex from its packaging. “Rex is gonna eat them.”

While the siblings talked and argued about their toys and how the dinosaur may or may not attack the furbies, Marco handed out more gifts. This time to mama McClain, Luis, Veronica, Lance, and himself. Any more presents he found for the youngest siblings he pushed towards them to open when they were done with their current toys.

Mama McClain got a fancy looking piece of pottery that she instantly adored. Veronica got some earrings. Luis got some gardening gloves. Marco got some books about fishing, and Lance got some new pajamas, which he actually needed pretty badly if he was being honest.

Marco handed out a lot more presents to everyone else in the family until he came to a big, soft red present. “And… Keith.” Marco tossed it to Keith who looked very shocked to actually get something.

“Um… thanks?” He said in a confused manner as he opened it up. It was possibly one of the ugliest, gaudiest looking Christmas sweaters Lance had ever seen in his life, but Keith’s eyes lit up when he saw it and happily put it on. It was too big for him and didn’t fit right, but Keith looked comfy and happy to wear something with such an ugly pattern. “I really like this. Thank you.”

Mama MacClain smiled at him. “Sorry if it’s a little big. Lance wasn’t very specific about your size.”

“It’s really nice. Thank you.”

The rest of the day was spent with opening presents and eating an elaborate banquet put together by mama McClain of course. Then eventually people started to take their leave. Luis, Lisa and their kids were the first to leave. They were going to spend Boxing day with Lisa’s family and needed to head home for that. Marco was next to leave. He had a four hour drive back home and had an early shift for work the next day. Rachel left after she helped tidy up her room and helped Veronica with the dishes. She was going to hang out with her friends that night. Veronica was going to stay another night at their parent’s place and head home the next day.

Lance and Keith ended up heading off after they helped clean up the house. Keith had bundled up again, but this time he was wearing the ugly Christmas sweater. He seemed to really love it, and that made Lance’s mama very happy.

Once they said their goodbyes, and mama McClain had stocked them up on several tubs of leftovers, the two of them were on their way back to their dorms. Lance happily sung along to the repetitive Christmas songs on the radio and occasionally looked over at Keith. He seemed happy enough all rugged up in his blanket.

“So, what did you think of Christmas?”

“It was nice.” Said Keith with a small smile. “Your parents didn’t have to get me anything. I really like it… I should get something nice for them… Do you think they would like a sword? I saw a distinct lack of weaponry at your parents place.”

“... Probably not a good idea to give them a sword.” Said Lance. “Maybe you could consider something less… Pointy?”

“... Okay.”

***

When they got back to their dorm they were the first ones back. Lance sent off a few messages to everyone else letting them know they were back and didn’t crash on the way back. They would probably be alone until tomorrow night. That’s when Allura and Romelle could be coming back.

Keith dumped his stuff back in his room and started to crank up the heater till he was comfortable. Lance only knew he was comfortable when Keith started taking off his layers upon layers of clothes until he was just in sweatpants, a shirt and the ugly sweater. 

Lance smiled and sat next to him, offering him a gingerbread man. “You really love that thing huh?”

“Yeah. No one’s ever given me clothes before.” He said as he took the cookie. “When I lived in the foster home we were given clothes every month and just told to take what fitted us and replace what was worn out. There were always fights for the best stuff, but I generally got stuff that fitted me. I fitted into most of the small stuff… So it’s really nice that someone saw something like this and thought of me. Even if the colours and patterns are eye bleeding.”

Lance was surprised how much an ugly sweater meant to him. “Oh.”

Keith smiled and ate his cookie. “Yeah. Christmas was nice. I liked it… Oh, I have something for you.” Keith quickly got up and headed to the kitchen. Now Lance was slightly confused. He was also kind of worried what Keith had gotten him… And the fact that it was kept in the kitchen worried him a lot too. When Keith came back he had a bar of chocolate in his hands and handed it to him. “Here. Merry Christmas Lance.”

“Oh!” Lance took the bar. It wasn’t an expensive one, but it was the same brand as the bar he had shared with Keith when they first met. It could have meant nothing but it was kind of sentimental to him. “Thanks Keith… So you decided to give me an aphrodisiac?”

A dark blush quickly covered Keith’s face. “Shut up. It’s not an aphrodisiac for humans… And I don’t really know what is an appropriate gift for a human… It was the best I could do before it started snowing…”

Lance smiled at him. “This is really sweet. I love it. Thanks. I also have something for you. I didn’t want to give it to you while we were at my parent’s place because Nadia and Silvio would want one too.” He dug his hands into his pockets and quickly took out a swissarmy knife. “Here. Merry Christmas Keith.”

Keith took it and started looking through all the different parts. He was excited when he found the pen knife and the corkscrew. “This is really cool. I like this. Thanks Lance. This is awesome.”

That made Lance grin. He was glad he picked something nice for Keith. The alien was so excited to get a new piece of human weaponry. It was kind of cute how happy he would get. It was like Nadia and Silvio when they got their toys that morning. He happily watched Keith play around with it to see how quickly he could flick out the pen knife.

He smiled at him and absentmindedly started to eat the chocolate Keith gave him. It was nice. It kind of felt like it had a bit of a special meaning to it, but he didn’t want to get ahead of himself.

“So, what do you want to do now?”

“Want to watch movies or something?” Asked Keith. “You have a lot of interesting Christmas based movies.”

“Sweet. We can do that.” Said Lance. “Also, I think we have some microwave pizzas or something we can eat. I might not be the best cook, but I think between all the leftovers my mama gave us the stuff in the freezer we won’t starve.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Lance channel surfed until he managed to find a place that was playing one of the dozens of versions of the classic, a Christmas Carol. Keith seemed quite excited to watch it. He asked several questions about what time period it was set and talked about child labour and coal. It was interesting to say the least. 

***

The two of them ended up cuddling together on the couch sharing a blanket as they watched the movie. Every once in a while Keith would cuddle up to him and nuzzled his shoulder or neck like a cat. It was adorable and Lance couldn’t help but give him a little kiss on the forehead. Then the cheek. Then the neck.

After a few of these kisses Keith started whining and half heartedly pushed him away. “Laaaance… I wanna watch the movie. That final ghost has to kill that old bastard.”

“... Are you just waiting for Scrooge to die?”

“Yes. He’s such a bastard by human standards.” Said Keith. “Him getting killed is the only way this story can have a happy ending.”

“Um… Well get ready to be disappointed.”

“What? But the ghost of Christmas yet to come is so cool looking! He looks like he could kill someone! Why can’t he just kill them?”

“Because it’s a story about changing your ways and being a nicer person.”

“Yeah, well fuck that. The old bastard should die.”

“... You’re the kind of person that is cheering for the slasher in a horror movie, aren’t you?”

“What’s a slasher?”

“A type of horror movie bad guy.” Said Lance. “They usually go after people with a knife or something sharp and pointy. Hence the name; Slasher.”

“... Huh. Okay. i’d only cheer them on if the other people in the movie were stupid, dumb, or somehow offensive.”

“... Yeah, you would be screaming at the TV for everyone to die before the opening credits.”

“Huh, alright.”

Lance hummed and started kissing across Keith’s jaw line. He couldn’t help but smile when keith would whine, but would inevitably nuzzle him back and would kiss his cheek once in a while. It was adorable and it spurred Lance on. By the time the credits started rolling the two of them were making out on the couch like hormonal teenagers.

Keith was straddling Lance’s hips as their hands started to run over and under each other’s clothes. Lance chuckled a little when he felt Keith’s tongue dart out and lick at his lips. Keith had shown a lot of interest in kissing, but hadn’t quite got the concept of using your tongue in a kiss. Not that Lance minded that much. Keith was doing his best and he seemed to like doing what he was doing.

He licked the corner of Lance’s mouth and pulled back a little. “... You taste like chocolate.”

Lance gasped a little in mixed surprise and shock. Keith could still taste that on him? He only ate some and had eaten and drank other food in between. Was Keith doing to be pissed off at him now? “I am so sorry. I didn’t realise that you could still taste it and I-”

Keith chuckled and gently pressed his finger over Lance’s lips. “It’s fine. Just for tonight. Need to pay you back after I kind of used you to get off last night. Which by the way was totally an accident. I didn’t know I was into that kind of stuff… Kinks and fetishes are a much more intimate and personal thing with Galra than with humans. You guys kind of throw it out there a lot.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He gave Lance a nervous smile. “It’s um… It’s considered a more of a couples thing to explore those kinds of things with a romantic partner.”

“O-oh!” Lance could feel his face heating up like crazy. He really messed up here, right? Did he do something super taboo with Keith? Even if it was by accident. “I um…”

“I’m not saying I consider you a romantic partner or anything.” Said Keith quickly. “It’s kind of an old, outdated concept by Galra standards. It’s actually a more conservative. Like how some humans value the odd concept of virginity and not having sex before marrying. Like, some say they won’t the same way some humans have sex, Galra to share their fetishes with other people. Besides, you’d probably want to end up with another human and not some weird alien, right?”

“Oh… Um, I guess…” Lance wasn’t too sure how he felt about that. Time for what he normally did in these kinds of situations; deflect, deflect, deflect. “So, what do you think of people that stay celibate for like personal or religious reasons?”

“I don’t care if it’s for personal reasons. Everyone can do what they want. I have an issue when people say they are doing things for religious reasons.” Said Keith. “Many species I have come across that do things for religious reasons tend to do it to do those things more to feel superior over other people. Galra do not take to kindly to other people thinking they have some moral high ground over us.”

“Okay. Noted.” He gently pressed his lips against Keith’s and smiled slightly. “So um… I taste like chocolate, huh?”

Keith nodded and kissed him again. “Yeah. You tastes like chocolate. I like it.”

Lance smiled and kissed back as he started to pull off Keith’s sweater. “Well if you like the taste so much I still haven’t eaten all of it. Want to try a bigger piece?”

Keith chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Sorry Lance. I’ve crunched the numbers. If I ate any more you’d probably have to go to the hospital before I’ve even close to finishing. You underestimate how crazy it makes us.” He took off his sweater and very carefully tossed it far away from them to make sure that it stayed clean.

“What? You think I don’t have enough stamina?” He asked.

“Oh, trust me. Stamina would be the least of your worries Lance.” Purred Keith. “I’d probably destroy your pelvis. While human bones are strong, I’m pretty sure I’d smash them after riding you for long enough.”

“Over confident much?”

“Realistic.” 

They quickly went back to kissing each other and quickly removing each other’s clothes. They ended up shifting positions on the couch. Keith ended up on his back with one leg over Lance’s shoulder. Keith’s protective calamus had already retracted by the time Lance had removed his underwear. He looked so perfect to Lance.

Lance leaned down and kissed him. “Hey, can you drop the disguise?” He asked. “No one’s gonna walk in on us.”

“... O-okay.” Keith awkwardly fiddled with his watch and his human disguise dropped away. He seemed kind of embarrassed and looked away as his ears flattened against his head. He was totally flustered and it was adorable.

“No need to be all embarrassed there Keith.” Said Lance as he ran his fingers through his lover’s hair. “I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before or not, but I like how you look no matter what disguise you use. You’re still Keith, and I lo-like. I like you.”

“I like you too.” Said Keith quietly. He gently pressed his hand against Lance’s chest and smiled at him. “Come on Lance. Fuck me hard.”

Lance kissed him and thrust into him. They both moaned in pleasure as Lance bottomed out. “F-fuck.” Moaned Lance. “You always feel way too good to be real.”

Keith chuckled as he rolled his hips slightly. “If you say something stupid like it being out of this world I will throw you off and just use that vibrator you gave me.” Lance couldn’t help but laugh as he started to thrust. There was no bite behind keith’s words, and even if there was any bite behind them it was gone the second Lance started thrusting his hips.

Soon the room was filled with the sweet sounds of moaning and the soft creak of the couch. Keith ran his nails down Lance’s back as he tried to pull him closer. Lance groaned a little in a mix of pain and pleasure. He quickly moved Keith’s leg around to try and get a better position. Anything to try and get deeper into Keith.

“Fuuuuuck…” Moaned Keith. “L-Lance, bedroom. Please?”

Lance was a little reluctant to do so just because he didn’t want to pull out, but he did anyway and quickly helped Keith to his feet. Keith whined a little and kept himself pressed as close to him as possible. His lips were pressed against Lance’s the whole time, which made moving to the bedroom incredibly difficult.

Eventually the two of them just stumbled into a wall and gave up on the idea of fucking on a mattress. Lance pressed Keith up against the wall and lifted Keith’s legs up around his hips. Keith shuddered a little as he tried to readjust himself. Once the two of them were comfortable enough, Lance pushed in again and the two of them were moaning uncontrollably. Keith more so than Lance.

He buried his face into the crook of Lance’s neck as he desperately clung to him as he started digging his nails into his shoulders. Lance knew he was going to end up with a bunch of claw marks running down his back, but damn it was going to be worth it.

With one particularly hard thrust Lance had Keith crying out and cumming hard between them. Lance groaned and slowly thrusted a few more times into Keith’s welcoming heat and came hard inside him. Keith closed his eyes and let out a small, weak purr.

Still connected, Lance slowly lowered them both down to the floor. They were both panting and shaking a little as they recovered from their own orgasms. Keith gently kissed Lance and pressed their foreheads together. “Merry Christmas Lance.”

“Merry Christmas Keith.”

***

Once the two of them had cleaned up and retired to their room for the night the night Keith made sure that Lance was asleep before he dared reach out to grab his comms pad and quickly fill it out. It was made all the more difficult since Lance had decided to drape himself over Keith’s body. He believed the human term for it was called spooning. While Keith did enjoy it, it did make it difficult to move when he woke up. Why did humans have to sleep for so long?

_The human holiday of Christmas is a strange one, but it is generally enjoyable. It consists of a lot of gift exchanging around a dead tree that humans have decorated and eating large amounts of food. X1LH’s family was very kind and allowed me to participate in their gift exchange and feasting. The next time I see X1LH’s family I should give them a gift to show my gratitude towards their hospitality._

He looked down at Lance and smiled at him. He looked so sweet and peaceful right now. Keith gently ran his fingers through Lance’s soft hair. It was perfect. He was perfect. Lance made his body do and feel things that Keith didn’t know were possible. It was so weird, but he didn’t hate it. It was a good weird. A nice weird.

_X1LH is strange to me. He has been strange since day one. Once we could communicate with each other he’s pretty much been nice to me. From what I have observed in other humans this is not a common human trait. This seems to be a trait only found in X1LH. He is an odd alien, and I kind of like it._

He leaned down and gently kissed Lance’s forehead. Lance was cute and so kind and caring and… Keith frowned and did his best to squash those feelings. They weren’t important to his research. He should probably think about putting on his human disguise again soon. He was still a little paranoid about other humans seeing him in his actual form.


	12. Love and Tentacles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys have an adventure at the aquarium. No actual smut this chapter either, just mainly Keith freaking the fuck out about the abominations that live in the ocean. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

The weather slowly started to warm up and everyone came back from their vacation. Lance still felt a little embarrassed and slightly awkward about being in the common area with everyone after what he and Keith had done out there. Even though they both thoroughly cleaned and scrubbed everything the next day before people started showing up again. Somehow Keith seemed completely indifferent to the whole situation. It made Lance was to scream.

Thankfully he was easily distracted by this when he realised Keith was doing small experiments with everyone else in the house. It usually consisted of him moving different things and waiting to see how people would react. It was never anything that someone really needed for school work or anything. It was interesting to watch Romelle look around for her brush or Shiro trying to find his shoes.

Now that wasn’t to say that Lance wasn’t part of these experiments. It was just that Keith tended to do more sexually explicit stuff with him. Over the past few days Keith had been initiating sex at odd times during the day. Keith had said he wanted to see how having sex at different times would affect Lance. Kind of weird but at least if Lance wasn’t into it Keith would immediately drop it and do something like put Allura’s books in the kitchen instead of the coffee table.

Today when Lance was coming back from an afternoon class he happened to run into Shiro and Adam. Not that unusual. Adam usually came over to their dorm to hang out with Shiro or to hang out with them while waiting for Shiro to turn up.

“Hey Lance.” Said Adam. “How was your holidays?”

“Pretty good. Keith had a good time with my family and my folks were happy to have him over.” Said Lance. “How was your holiday?”

“Pretty good.” Said Adam. “We made a snowman.” He showed Lance a photo of a snowman with Shiro’s arm sticking out of it. “Takashi insisted that we use his arm. I have no idea why.”

“Because I was trying to make a Winter soldier joke.” Said Shiro.

Adam shook his head. “The things I have to put up with… Anyway, you like the aquarium right?”

Lance nodded. “Hell yeah. You know I’m all about that aquatic life. Did the aquarium get some new nurse sharks?”

Adam shook his head. “No. Takashi and I heard that they put in a new touch pool. We were going to go tomorrow afternoon, so if you or anyone else wants to go we thought we’d ask.”

Lance immediately thought of Keith. He’d probably love it. The ocean was probably full or weird stuff he would find interesting, or maybe he would find things that were similar on his planet. That would be pretty cool.

“Yeah… I’ll see if Keith wants to go. I don’t think he’s ever been to an aquarium before.”

Adam grinned. “Cool. It’ll be a double date.”

Lance went red. “We aren’t dating.”

“I’m just messing with you.”

***

Keith seemed a little reluctant to go to the aquarium. He said it sounded boring when Lance had suggested it. According to him fish were all boring things with very little variation. All pretty much the same and covered in sharp spines that he wasn’t fond of. It took Lance a good half an hour to explain that the fish on earth were a lot more diverse and weird looking. Keith was willing to give it a go, but he wasn’t overly excited about it.

That all changed when the group of four were standing in the ticket line for the aquarium. Keith was looking up at the hammerhead shark skeleton they had hanging from the ceiling in the lobby. He looked very interested in it. He very quietly asked Lance what it was since he didn’t want Adam or Shiro to think he was stupid.

It was cute. Lance quietly told him it was a hammerhead shark. “They are pretty cool, right?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. Kind of small compared to the shark-like creatures on my home planet.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Also they don’t have funny heads like these things.”

When they got their tickets and went inside, Shiro handed Lance a map. “Meet up later for food?”

“Sure.” Lance happily looked at the map and nudged Keith’s arm. “What do you want to look at?”

“Eh, whatever. I don’t really care.”

Lance shrugged and just walked around with Keith. He was instantly drawn to all the different fish there were. His eyes lit up and he was completely shocked at the coral and anemone. He seemed to be intrigued by the colours.

“Oh wow… So many different colours…”

“Yeah. What did you expect?”

“The marine life on my planet is either like, green, brown, black, or purple. Not like, yellow and pink and stuff.” Said Keith. “Also, our fish have more spines and quills… We can’t eat them.”

Lance nodded a little and pointed out a few cleaning shrimp running through the mouths and gills of bigger fish. Keith nodded along as he listened to him and watched the fish. Despite how indifferent he was at the start if it he was completely interested now. Earth fish seemed to be a lot more interesting to Keith than fish from his home planet.

They got to a large tube filled with jellyfish. Keith stared at them and read the little plaque next to them. “Huh… No brain or anything like that?”

“Yeah. Pretty much little floating stomachs.” Said Lance. “They are pretty, but they can kill you. Stingers suck.”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. We have something like this on my home planet, but they are much larger and their stingers have little hooks on them.”

That was a kind of terrifying thought, but Lance had to admit that it sounded kind of cool. “Huh. Neat… Oh, you might think this one is pretty cool.” He showed Keith a small tank filled with coral and fish. A lot of small and colourful creatures just darting around the place. They looked very cute in Lance’s opinion. If he had the money he would probably have a tropical tank in his room. “Pretty neat, huh?”

Keith nodded and looked at the fish. “Yeah. I guess. They are pretty small and-oh!”

From under one of the rocks an octopus quickly crawled out and moved to another group of rocks. The look on Keith’s face was priceless. It was a mix of horror, morbid fascination, and amusement. That was what Lance wanted to show him.

“What do you think?”

“... You have dick monsters.”

“It’s called an octopus.”

“Nope. That’s a dick monster.” Said Keith calmly. “It’s a dick monster… It has so many dicks… Way too many dicks…”

Lance rolled his eyes and patted his back. “Keith, they only have one dick. It’s the smallest tentacle.”

“... It’s too many dicks.” He muttered, seemingly ignoring Lance's comment about how many an octopus actually has. “Why do you guys have dick monsters in your oceans?”

Lance shrugged. “Evolution?”

“... Fuck your planet and your evolution.” Grumbled Keith. “Your whole planet is bullshit. You have dick monsters.”

“Buddy, you’re packing two of those things yourself.”

“Yeah, I have two. Not eight.” He grumbled. “Eight is too many. Way too fucking many…”

Lance couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Seriously? Eight is your limit? You telling me there aren’t any weird Galra mutations where you have more than two?”

“Well yeah.” Said Keith. “Tri-tentillum. But that’s like super rare. It’s more common to have mono-tentilla, which is one instead of two.”

“... Huh. Interesting medical conditions you guys got there.”

Keith poked his tongue out. “Better than what you got. One swift kick and you’re down for the count.”

“Rude.”

“You’re the one talking about dicks.”

“I’m talking about tentacles and octopus.” Said Lance. “Like, you’re the one that’s freaking about tentacles you weird purple alien.”

Keith huffed and grumbled something about dick monsters living in the ocean. Lance couldn’t help but find that all way too amusing. He was so tempted to show him some of the larger octopus or the squids. But he felt he might scar Keith for life if that happened.

They got to the glass tunnel part of the aquarium and watched Keith watch the fish in awe. He watched the nurse sharks swim overhead and stingrays swim under their feet. Watching a whole range of emotions fly across Keith’s face when he saw each new creature was a thing of beauty. It was like when his Nadia and Silvio was children and seeing these fish for the first time. They went all bug eyed in awe. Terrified of some of the scarier things. Amazed by the colourful fish.

When they got to the end of the glass tunnel Keith did a double take when he saw an eel swimming by. “... That’s a dick.”

Lance snorted out a laugh. “A dick? Really? First you insult some poor octopus and call it a dick monster and now you’re calling this poor little guy a dick?”

“Well it is.” Said Keith. “Look at it. Looks just like one of mine.”

“Yeah, if your dicks suddenly grew gills and angry little teeth.” Said Lance as he patted Keith’s back. “But seriously though, if either one of yours ever gets a mouth like that, I am never letting you stick them in me again.”

“Trust me, I’d go to a doctor if that happened.” Grumbled Keith. “Dente calcify is no joke.”

“... Wait, is this an actual disease you guys can get? Like an actual STI?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. It’s a bacterial thing and makes painful calcium deposits start growing on our… But it’s pretty easily avoidable with some basic hygiene, and trust me, I would know if I had it long before you would… And I have stuff in case anything like that happens. I know how to take care of myself.” 

“Oh, I don’t doubt it… I’m just imagining something like a vampire squid.”

“... I don’t know what that is but since your oceans are full of dick monsters I do not want to know what that is.” Keith pretty much threw his hands up and walked off to the next room. He instantly got distracted by the very fat, very chunky, super rolly seal in the next tank. Lance watched the chubby little creature do a little roll around before it hiccuped and went back up for air.

“They are pretty cute. Huh?”

“Yeah. Why is it swimming to the surface?”

“... Seals don’t have gills. They have lungs.”

Keith looked so confused. “But its a water animal?”

“Yeah?”

“... Your planet is fucking weird.”

The two made their way to a touch pool and Lance was more than happy to roll up his sleeves and give a few starfish some pats. It was soft and kind of velvety. He noticed Keith was just staring in confusion. Lance just rolled his eyes and nudged him.

“Come on man. Just stick your hand in and give it a little pat.” He said. “Just don’t pick them up. Leave them underwater.”

He watched as Keith took off his fingerless gloves and gently poked a starfish. “Huh… Weird.”

“Most marine life are.”

“Yeah…” Keith pointed to something with a giant black corkscrew shape. “What’s that?”

“Shark egg.”

“...” Keith glared at Lance. “I hate you and your bullshit stupid fucking planet so fucking much.”

***

Eventually the two of them made their way to the cafeteria area and Lance bought them a bunch of random seafood to eat. Keith turned his nose up a little at all the chips that came with it. “Bland potatoes…”

Lance rolled his eyes and offered Keith some lemons. “Squeeze this on that.” Keith just glared at him before he slowly raised the lemon to his lips. “... I swear to fuck if you take a bite out of that I will push you into a tank with the octopus.”

Keith bit the lemon, and instantly looked like he regretted all his life choices. “Oh fuck, this is sour…”

“You’re an idiot.” Said Lance. “And now I am going to feed you to an octopus.”

Keith hissed at him when Shiro and Adam made their way over to them with their own food. “Hey guys, have fund?” Asked Shiro.

“It was an experience.” Said Keith. “I haven’t been to a place like this before.”

“But did you have fun?” Asked Adam as he sat down that their table.

“Yeah. There was a lot of stuff I haven’t seen in person before.”

Shiro nodded in agreement and started eating his food. “Yeah. They have a lot more tropical fish now.” He ate some calamari and smiled. “Huh, this is pretty good. Guess they got it fresh not frozen. You never know at seafood places.”

Keith frowned a little and ate some calamari on his own plate. “... Huh. Not bad?”

“I see you’re a fan of calamari too.” Said Shiro.

Keith looked confused. “Calamari?”

“Yeah, you know. Octopus.”

“...” Keith dropped his fork.

***

When they got back to the dorms Keith almost looked like he wanted to strangle Lance. “Son of a bitch!” He hissed. “I can’t believe you let me eat that!”

“Calamari? Dude, you ate testicles a few weeks ago. How can you be so freaked out about tentacles?”

“Do you humans eat dicks?” He growled. “Do you make it a habit of eating reproductive organs?”

“... Buddy, I have several cooking shows you need to see.”

Keith growled again and flopped onto his bed. “Humans are fucking weird and disgusting! I can’t believe you let me eat that! How? Why? I hate you!”

Lance rolled his eyes and patted Keith’s head. “Dude, you ate something that kind of looks like your dick, big deal. You know how much food out there that’s shaped like a human dick? A lot. A lot of really good food. You’ll get over it eventually.”

“No.” Huffed Keith.

“Quit being childish. What do you want me to do to make it up to you? Want me to eat your calamari?”

“What? No. Fuck you.” Huffed Keith. “... You have to eat Galra food.”

“... Galra food?”

“Yes.”

“Will it kill me?”

“I doubt it, but you know. Fair is fair.” Keith dug around in his bedside drawer and took out half a bar of something and held it out to him. “Here. I’ve only eaten half of it.”

Lance frowned and looked at the yellow and green food bar. He had no idea what it was or if he actually wanted to eat it. “Um… I don’t think so. Will it kill me?”

“It doesn’t have any poison in it that will hurt a human.” Said Keith. “Just eat some. It’s the Galra equivalent of a candy bar.”

This seemed like a trap to Lance, but he reluctantly ate a small bit. It kind of tasted like all the skittles combined but not as sugary, and with the consistency of charcoal. “... I no longer fear death for I have tasted this.”

“Baby.”

“Says the alien that couldn’t eat calamari because it comes from an alien thing you called a dick monster.”

“It’s all dicks!” Said Keith. “How the absolute fuck can you guys be okay with living on the same planet as a dick monster, let alone swim in the same body of water?! Humans are fucking insane! Out of your fucking minds! What the fuck Lance?!”

***

Once Keith had calmed down and stopped freaking out about octopus and all their tentacles he actually bothered to make a quick diary entry to sum up his entire experience that day.

_Forget everything I wrote previously about Humans and Galra being able to get along. This planet, animals, plants, and sentient life are beyond salvation. Plasma blast the whole thing and start over._

.


	13. Frilly Skirts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been watching a lot of videos of people doing dumb challenges on youtube with really dumb punishments... So yeah. Guess what this chapter is gonna be about. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

“What up sluts? It’s ya gender neutral chibi thing. Pidge. And me and the Voltron boys are doing a cheesecake eating challenge.” Pidge had been casually making vlogs and random videos for their youtube channel since highschool. They weren’t trying to get a following, but they had a fair few subscribers. Lance was pretty sure that they just came to watch Matt and Pidge blow random shit up. Usually toilets.

Today though there had been a sale at the grocery store on cheesecake, so Pidge bought far too many on impulse and had to get rid of them in two days. To do this she decided to get Lance, Matt, Shiro, and Keith to eat as many of them as they could in five minutes. Loser had to wear drag. Hunk stepped out immediately. He did not do good in eating competitions and no one wanted to clean up any vomit that was bound to happen if he joined in. Everyone still had their own sick bucket just in case anyway.

“Why are we doing this again?” Asked Keith as he poked the cheesecake in front of himself. “This seems stupid.”

Matt laughed and nudged him. “Because it’s fun man. Just have fun. You just gotta eat as many as you can or you gotta deal with Allura and Romelle.” He gestured over to the two girls who were looking over colour palettes and deciding what would look best on each of them. “I gotta say the makeup isn’t too bad but the fake eyelashes kill me. I can’t open my eyes wide enough and I end up looking drunk or stoned, or both.”

“You do look fabulous in heels though.” Said Lance.

“I looked like a Rocky Horror Show reject.”

“I never said you didn’t.”

“Rude bitch.”

Pidge rolled her eyes. “Quiet you two. Get eating those cheese cakes before I start throwing those cakes at you. Three, two, one. GO!”

The competition was fast, fierce, messy, and over very, very quickly for Keith. Apparently Galra were a little more sensitive to lactose than he had thought. Oops. Matt won the competition easily with Lance coming in second and Shiro coming in third. Shiro usually won, but since Keith dropped out so soon Shiro didn’t feel like he had to push himself . He had a habit of touching his face a lot and always got in trouble with Allura or Romelle when they got him in drag.

Keith, not knowing what drag was, was instantly terrified when Romelle and Allura dragged him away to their room while everyone else cleaned up. Shiro seemed pretty worried about Keith getting taken away by the girls.

“Do you think he’s going to be okay?”

“It’s all in good fun.” Said Matt. “If he doesn’t like it he can feel free to take it off… I’m going to lie down now… Too much cheesecake… I still can’t believe we have leftovers…”

Lance shrugged. “Shit happens dude… Pidge should not be allowed to impulse buy stuff anymore.”

About an hour later Romelle and Allura walked out of their room with grins on their faces. “We did it. We went for the natural look and didn’t go full drag queen this time” Said Romelle. She waved her hands around as Keith walked out of their room. When Lance saw him.

Somehow the girls had managed to squeeze Keith into something that looked like Romelle’s old sailor Saturn cosplay from two years ago, minus the tiara, gloves, and boots. He actually looked really cute, even of he kind of had resting bitch face. 

“I think we did pretty well.” Said Allura.”

“My eyelids feel heavy.” Grumbled Keith.

“Told you!” Called Matt. “Fucking told you false eyelashes are heavy!”

Pidge quickly took her phone out and got a few seconds of Keith in drag before she put it away. “Is that a wig?”

“Nah, we just straightened and styled his hair.” Said Romelle. “Next time we get to put him in drag we’ll do something a little more… Extravagant. Like when we put Shiro in drag.”

Lance clapped his hands. “Hey! Lady Shion is a national treasure and we do not disrespect dorm mum in this household! Lady Shion lets us stay up late and is a total queen!”

Shiro face palmed. “I say you can name my stupid drag persona one time…”

“Lady Shion is cool.” Said Pidge. “And you kind of dug yourself into that hole by letting someone that watches Rupaul’s drag race on the regular name them. You’re lucky you just got called Lady Shion.”

Shiro shook his head and headed to his room. “I’m done. I’m going to go to my room and do my homework. And Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“You look good.” Shiro walked out of the room and headed to his room.

“Thanks.” Keith looked down at himself and lightly ran his hands down across his skirt. Romelle had wanted a super poofy skirt to it had layers upon layers. “So, what now?”

Pidge shrugged. “I guess you can take it off now if you want? You just do whatever.”

“Eh, too much effort.” He flopped onto the couch next to Lance and nodded at him. “Sup?”

“N-nothing much… You look good.”

“Thanks.” Keith smiled a little and it made Lance’s heart flutter slightly. Apparently Lance liked Keith in drag. He was femainine but still masculine. Damn he was hitting all of Lance’s checkboxes for what he liked. Damn that alien. He reached over and touched Keith’s hair. “... What are you doing?”

“Touching your hair to see how much hair gel and spray the girls had to use to stop your hair from reverting back into a mullet. The answer? Too much. It’s like a helmet. I doubt any strong wind will move it.”

Keith rolled his eyes and went to their room. “Well me and my helmet hair still have a paper to write. When do you want this thing back Romelle?”

“Wash it first before you return it . It’s machine washable so don’t worry about it. Just chuck it in there.”

“Cool.” Keith got up and walked into his room.

“... He cleaned up pretty well.” Muttered Lance.

“Better than when you went full drag for the first time.” Said Pidge. “That was a train wreck.”

Lance pouted. “It wasn’t that bad… You’re just mean.”

Hunk patted Lance’s shoulder. “It’s fine buddy. No one dresses in drag well their first time.”

“Yeah, yeah… I’m going to finish my essay. Don’t come in unless it’s to call me for dinner.”

“Will do buddy.”

Lance walked in on Keith looking at himself in the mirror. He slowly turned his way and that, watching as the skirt swished slightly. Keith would occasionally push down the skirt and watched it bounce up again. He looked way too damn cute.

“Looking good there Keith.” He said.

Keith paid him no mind as he kept looking at himself. “You think so?”

“I know so… So like, do Galra not wear skirts that often?”

“Not really. Galra don’t have much in the way of gendered clothing.” Said Keith. “The only real gendered stuff we technically have are pregnancy dresses and bras. So this whole drag thing is something I don’t really get. It seems kind of fun to have more options when it comes to what to wear… And makeup seems fun too. It’s like a more refined and elaborate form of warpaint. I like it.”

Lance smiled upon hearing that. “Cool. That’s really awesome. You look good… Really good.”

“Thanks… It’s a little unusual, but it seems nice to me.” He did little spin and smiled over at Lance. “So humans don’t usually dress like this? Human males I mean.”

“Oh um… no… I mean, some do, but most don’t…” Said Lance. “Some people like um… They… There are traditional clothes that might be considered female, but are like, traditionally male… Like kilts. Human clothes are strange…” This was hard to explain. “But like, the clothes you are wearing can be like either as a costume, something for a performance or like something sexy…”

“... Something sexy?”

“Yeah…”

“...” Keith walked over to Lance and gave him a curious look. “Do you think I look like that right now? Do you think I look sexy wearing this skirt with this makeup?”

“... Kind of.”

“Only kind of?” Keith couldn’t help but grin and him and lean in closer to him. “You haven’t been able to keep your eyes off me since I came out of Allura and Romelle’s room.” He leaned up and gently kissed him. His lips were softer than before. Possibly because of the strawberry lip gloss on his lips. “So, what would this be called?”

“Huh? Oh um… Crossdressing.” Said Lance. “I think?”

Keith nodded a little. “Interesting… Humans are strange creatures.” He gently tugged on Lance’s shirt and smiled at him. “So, you like crossdressing?”

“I-I like it when it’s you…”

That made Keith blush a little. “Oh. So it’s me then?”

“Y-yeah. You’re the only one I’ve wanted for a long time.” 

“Good.” Lance kissed him softly, but Keith seemed to have other ideas and quickly pushed Lance back so he fell against his bed. He flailed slightly as he fell backwards. Lance ended up looking up at Keith who had a rather amused look on his face. “You’ve only want me huh? That’s kind of adorable. Is it because I’m wearing a skirt? You human males like their partners in skirts?” He planted one leg next to Lance’s hip and leaned over him, giving Lance a very good view of his underwear. Black briefs. Nice. “What are you blushing about?”

“... You have very strange ways of trying to seduce people. You know that right?”

“All I had to do was a little spin to get you excited.” Purred Keith. “I could see you getting slightly excited when you saw me in this so called drag for the first time. You looked at me the same way you look at me when you want to fuck.”

Lance felt the blood instantly drain from his face and rush down south. “I did?” Was he really that easy to read? Well, Keith was studying him and everyone else so it wasn’t that strange to think that he might be good at reading his emotions or something? He really hoped he wasn’t that obvious. He would never live it down if his friends mentioned it.

“Yes. You did.” He leaned in a little closer to Lance and tilted his chin up with his finger. “This is interesting… You’re surprisingly a little more submissive than usual. Is it because I look more like a female human? Do you like cute, dominating human females?”

“...” First of all; how dare Keith nail it on the head? Second of all; Keith should not be allowed to expose so many of his kinks in one day. This was not fair.

“You know, if you came into contact with more Galra, specifically the female presenting ones, they would definitely be able to satisfy your need to be dominated.” He purred. “When we become mothers we tend to become hyper aggressive. Something to do with a hormonal change mixed with a need to protect our young. One of them would be sure to find a cute, submissive human like you fun to play with.”

Lance dry swallowed. “D-do you?”

“Hmm?”

“... Do you find me fun to play with?”

Keith gave him a confused look for a moment before his eyes became stone cold and unreadable. “I never play around. Never have. Never will.” He moved back and stood over Lance. “Strip.”

“K-Keith?” Lance stammered.

“Did I fucking stutter?” Keith almost growled. “Strip for me.” Lance’s dick twitched in excitement. Before his brain caught up with what he was doing he was already shirtless and working on his pants. He immediately stopped. “Did I tell you to stop? Keep going.”

“I um… Y-you’re very aggressive today…”

Instantly the confidence that was radiating from Keith quickly vanished. “Did I take it too far? I am so sorry. I thought I was reading the mood and you seemed to be receptive so I just… You seemed to like it, so I just went with it. I messed up didn’t I?”

“What? No you just… You kind of just suddenly went for it.” Said Lance as he tried to calm Keith down as possible. “I um… Humans usually talk about this kind of stuff before they go ahead and do that kind of stuff. So like, I’m not opposed to anything you were doing but like, maybe a safe word? I haven’t really done this kind of stuff with anyone before…”

“... Safe… word?” Keith looked extremely confused.

“Yeah? Like if something becomes too much you say something like, Alabama, and you stop whatever you’re doing.”

“... You need a safe word… For sex?” Keith looked increasingly more and more confused and slightly worried.

“N-not for all human sex! Just some types of sex.” Reassured Lance. “Usually something like BDSM… getting tied up… anything with sharp objects… That kind of stuff… You understand?”

Keith nodded but he still looked a little distraught. “I see… Galra don’t… We don’t have safe words… We can usually tell if our partners are distressed and can back off… I guess that’s just a Galra thing?”

“Possibly. Humans really need to have some more concrete form of communication. Usually verbal.”

“... Do we need a safe word?”

“I um… I don’t think we need one right now, but we should probably think about it for the future?”

“Okay… I’m still sorry…”

“I know. It’s okay.” He reached up, gently pulled Keith back over himself and smiled at him. “We can keep going… I want to keep going.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I’m sure.”

“Okay. Good.” Keith pushed Lance down and rolled him onto his stomach. Lance let out a small oof in surprise and then yelped slightly when he felt Keith yank down his pants and underwear in one swift motion. “Raise your hips. Now.”

Lance did as he was told. He lightly bit his bottom lip when he felt his cock spring up and bounce against his stomach. He shuddered a little when he felt Keith’s hands on his hips. He lightly squeezed and spread his cheeks slightly.

“You’re so obedient for me… When you want to be.”

“I-” Lance gasped when he felt Keith lightly dig his nails into his hip.

“Did I say you could speak? Everyone is still awake.” Reminded Keith. “It’s the middle of the day. If you make too much noise someone would come in and see you getting fucked by me. You want them all to know you like getting fucked by a tentacle dicked alien in a skirt? Well? Do you?”

Lance shook his head as he felt his dick twitch in excitement. Sometimes he hated his body, but he was thankful that Keith wasn’t very good at reading human body language. He would have been too embarrassed if Keith called him out of this.

He felt the ruffles of the skirt pressing up against his ass seconds before he felt the all too familiar slither of Keith’s tentacle dicks. He nervously bit his bottom lip. Keith was kind of rough when he fucked him normally. How was he going to act now that he was being a little rougher with him? RIP his ass.

Suddenly Keith thrusted hard into him, completely burying himself inside Lance’s body. Lance was suddenly very thankful that Keith wasn’t as solid as a human. If he was there was no way Keith could have thrusted into him so easily without any preparation.

Keith ran his hand down Lance’s back in an almost soothing manner as they leaned over him. “Shush.” He purred. “You’re too loud. If someone comes in to see why you are making weird noises I’m not going to stop fucking you. If anything I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll cum in front of them. Got it?”

Lance nervously nodded. He would just die if someone saw him in this position. Hell he would die if anyone walked on him having sex with anyone, or even if he was whacking one out by himself. Keith quickly started to thrust into him. He bit the back of his hand in an attempt to be quiet.

Seconds later Keith flipped him onto his back and pinned his hands down on either side of his head. “No.” He growled. “You have to use your own willpower to stop moaning. If you can’t do that I’ll stop.”

A small whining noise managed to make its way out of Lance’s throat before Keith started to roughly thrust into him. Keith let go of Lance’s hands and pulled one of his legs over his shoulder. It made it easier for his dicks to thrust just that little bit deeper into him, and rub harshly across his prostate.

Lance alternated between panting heavily and biting his bottom lip to stop himself from making too much noise, which was practically impossible at this point. Keith’s dicks were practically always pressing against his prostate at his point. With a strangled cry the muscles in his legs spasmed and he came hard all over himself, getting a little on the skirt too. Keith shuddered a little and with a loud grunt Lance could feel him painting his insides turquoise again.

They were both panting heavily as Keith slowly pulled out and grabbed a tissue box in an earnest attempt to try and clean them both up a little. He had limited success, which just made Lance chuckle. 

“... So was that okay?” Asked Keith. “We didn’t need a safe word, right?”

“Anything more than that and we probably will.”

“Oh, okay…” Keith sounded a little guilty. Probably still a little worried he did something wrong by not asking for a safe word before they started. “But you are okay now? Right? It’s all good? You’re not hurt of anything?”

“Nothing a nap won’t fix.”

“Okay. That’s good…”

“Yeah.” Lance lazily reached over to Keith and lightly touched his hair. “Heh… And not a hair out of place… They really put a lot of hair gel in your hair.”

Keith rolled his eyes as he touched his hair. “Yeah. It kind of feels like a helmet… I’m going to have a shower. You want anything?”

“Nah, I’m good… I’m just gonna pass out in your bed for a while.”

“Okay. Sure.” Keith grabbed some clean clothes and headed out to the shower. When he was gone Lance let out a long sigh. He needed to do something about Keith really soon. His heart and ass couldn’t take much more of it. But first, a nap.

***

When Keith was done showering he tossed Romelle’s cosplay thing into the washing machine. It was an odd thing and Keith still didn’t understand why human females were the ones wearing skirts. Physiologically speaking it made more sense to him for human males to wear skirts and human females to wear pants. 

Specifically because males needed to have their testicals at a certain temperature to have viable sperm which was why they dangled outside of the body in the first place While women wearing skirts seemed like a bad idea since they were traditionally the ones running after children and having such flowy fabric around the legs was a tripping hazard and a horrible idea when it came to child rearing. Human clothes was so weird to him.

And that wasn’t even getting into the weird clothes fetishes humans seemed to have. Why the fuck was someone more or less sexually appealing depending on if they were wearing a skirt or not? It was bizarre. Humans were bizarre. Lance was bizarre.

When Keith walked back into their room Lance was curled up on his bed. It made Keith smile a little as he sat down at the desk and opened up a book. He actually needed to get some work done for his class… But first a few quick notes on his comms pad. 

_Some humans seem to be aroused by clothing. An off thing to be sure as one would assume that someone would look more erotic when they were naked? Humans are very strange creatures. X1LH seemed to become aroused a lot faster when he saw me in clothes typically worn by females of the human species._

_For context I participated in a human vlog, which consisted of eating large amounts of a human food called cheesecake in a time limit. The loser had to wear a thing called drag. Which seems to be when human males dress as human females? I will have to research that further._

_Also, for humans they like to have safe words if sex gets too intense and they are very adiment about talking about sex before actually doing it. I had assumed that at least X1LH liked spontaneous sex, but human sex is still quite different to galra sex. It would probably be in my best interest to find sources for human BDSM and such._

He put his comms pad away and looked over at Lance. He looked so peaceful and content right now. It made his heart do things when he looked like that. He didn’t know if he liked it or not. He should probably do something about that soon.

With a sigh Keith opened up his textbook and frowned. “...What the fuck is a canthus?”


	14. Survival night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance has a plan. It is a dumb plan but a plan. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :P

Lance groaned as he thrusted up one final time inside Keith as they both came. Keith was pretty much wrecked as he went completely boneless against the rock they decided to fuck against. Counting this time, this was the third time the two of them had fucked outside that day. The reason they were outside? Lance had suggested they go camping for the weekend.

Ever since Keith had mentioned that his people went out and basically camped out for a night to see if they could get along as potential partners. Lance figured two days camping with a small amount of food, water, and a tent would be kind of similar? Maybe?

Honestly Keith didn’t really seem to get it and Lance kind of felt a little scummy when they first pulled up to the campsite. But he looked on the bright side. Even if Keith didn’t get what Lance was trying to do they could at least have some fun camping and stuff. It would be fun. Maybe Keith could show him some survival skills? That would be pretty neat.

When they settled down Keith found a piece of wood and happily started to whittle it down to a sharp point. “... What are you doing there Keith?” He asked.

Keith shrugged. “Making a spear. Gotta get food somehow.”

“... Dude, hunting season is over. We’ll get in trouble if we kill anything.”

Keith gave him a confused look. “You’re telling me that you will get in trouble if you kill something with the intention to eat it when you’re starving? Your humans are fucking stupid.”

Lance rolled his eyes and held up his backpack. “Dude. This is why I bought some food. Like, it isn’t the best food, but it’s good for a weekend.”

“... I’m still making a spear.” Grumbled Keith. “You never know.”

“I think we’ll be okay Keith.” Lance sat by him and tapped his fingers against his knees. “So… We’re out here.”

“Yep.”

“All alone.”

“Yep.”

“No one around for miles.”

“I’d say so.”

“So I guess you could say we are gonna be spending the night together… Alone.”

“Sounds like it.”

“Surviving…”

“I guess.”

“Kind of like a survival night?”

Keith paused in his spear whittling and went red. “A-a survival night? I… I um… I guess? I mean… I told you what that means right? You know what a survival night means for a Galra.”

Lance nodded and smiled sadly. “Yeah. I know… If you think this is too weird and stuff we can just drop it. Forget I ever mentioned anything… I mean… yeah…”

“... So you like me in that way?”

Lance nodded a little, but wasn’t looking at Keith. He probably thought he was being gross or weird. Keith probably wanted to head back to the dorms right now. That would be fine with him. He hadn’t really planned for this to work out anyway.

“I can’t believe you did this.”

“Um…”

“This is actually really sweet.”

“... Really?”

“Yeah.” Keith was blushing a little. “You actually listened when I talked about Galra culture and you took me out here because you like me and wanted to take me on a survival night.”

“W-well a more toned down version.” Said Lance. “I don’t think I’d be able to do a lot of the stuff you guys do hence the tent and the fact I bought some food. Is that okay?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. I just… I never expected you to put your feelings forward like that. This is… I’m gonna have to take a moment to process this…”

Lance nodded a little. “O-okay. Take your time… Feel free to reject it if you want to. No pressure or anything dude… I um… I’m going to go and get some stuff for a fire later tonight…” He quickly left Keith and walked around the edge of the camp ground to pick up and gather wood to burn and some small bits of twigs and leaves for kindling.

He was pretty sure that once Keith had gotten over the shock he’d point the spear he’d been making at Lance and demand that he be taken back to the dorms. He was prepared for that. He probably messed up pretty big with Galra culture. Keith was kind of sketchy on the details for a survival night anyway. Since the word survival was in there he kind of suspected that there might be hunting involved. 

Lance really hoped that it wasn’t the case though. Like he had said they would survive together, and he had brought food and stuff but still… He was a little worried Keith would suddenly come at him with a knife, stab him, and then decide that Lance wasn’t suitable. Which would hurt in many, many ways. Mostly from the stab wound, but rejection would hurt too.

When he got back to their tent he put the branches down in a fire pit area, he noticed that Keith wasn’t there. Probably walking around and stabbing stuff with his stick. Suddenly he was grabbed from behind and a stick was pressed against his neck, like they were trying to choke him out.

Now, Lance wasn’t a fool. His big sister Veronica was a badass and had taken a couple of fighting classes. She had both him and Rachel how to get out of most holds before they finished high school just in case they got mugged. It was practically reflex for him now to quickly shift his body slightly and elbowed the person attacking him in the ribs. The person loosened their grip a little and Lance managed to get out of his hold and quickly spun around to see Keith.

“... What the fuck man?”

Keith cringed a little and rubbed his chest. “A little unorthodox… but okay.” He looked kind of happy? Which was both confusing and slightly disturbing to Lance.

“... Remember, humans don’t have that weird second tube thing in our throats. You could have choked me out!”

“I didn’t press that hard.” Muttered Keith. “I wanted to see if you could get out of it…”

“... Do you hate me or something? Why would you do that?”

Keith’s demeanor quickly changed and he became nervous and unsure of himself. “It’s what we’re meant to do… See how strong the other is… I know you’re not a Galra so I went easy on you. I know I should have probably talked to you about it first but like… I’m excited. No one’s ever done something like this with me before. No one’s wanted me before… I’m sorry… I just ruined the whole thing didn’t I? Y-you probably want to head back to the dorm’s now huh?”

“What? No. It’s fine. I just… Humans don’t like randomly getting attacked like that. Okay?”

Keith nodded a little and looked embarrassed with himself. “Okay… So um… You need help lighting the fire?”

“Oh sure?”

Lance was going to fish a box of matches out of their pocket when Keith crouched by the fire pit and took some flint out of his pocket. With skill he struck the rock twice, started a fire in the kindling and carefully moved it into the center of the branches. He very carefully fanned it a few times and soon the fire was steadily burning away.

Keith looked up at Lance for some kind of validation or confirmation that he had done the right thing. Lance just smiled at him. “Thanks Keith. Wanna roast marshmallows?”

“Sure.”

Lance got some long sticks and a bag of jumbo marshmallows. He showed Keith how to roast them over the fire. Needless to say Keith’s first attempt caught on fire and fell off the stick. Lance chuckled and helped Keith with another one. This one was a lot better and Keith managed to toast it without burning it to hell and back.

“... Humans really like their sugar don’t they?”

“Yep.” Lance ate his marshmallow and went to grab another one when Keith’s hand touched his own. Lance blushed a little when their eyes locked. Keith was blushing too as he leaned forward and kissed him. Lance was a little surprised but happily kissed back.

Keith pulled back slightly, smiling at him. “Lance… Since we don’t really need to do much in the way of like, surviving… I mean, there aren’t any vergacks, grizals, boragts, or altines around. So it’s not like anything is going to try to skin us or digest us with corrosive acid.”

“... Wait, so survival night is literally surviving against monsters that will kill you?” Asked Lance in shock. He thought it was just staying out in the middle of nowhere and not dying of hunger or thirst.

Keith pouted. “They aren’t monsters. Those are just animals on my planet… and to be quite honest lots of the animal’s on your planet are way scarier than the things on my planet. Your parasites for example. Fucking horrific.”

“... Can’t argue that.”

“Yeah… Anyway. Since we don’t have to worry about getting murdered… Do you want to maybe… You know… Sex?”

Lance went red. He didn’t know why he was getting so embarrassed about this. He and Keith had had sex pretty much every day. But now… Now it felt more intense. He was pretty much on a real Galra date with Keith, at least as close to a Galra date they could have anyway, so maybe that was it? Maybe it was the fact that they were outside? Probably because they were outside.

Keith frowned a little and gave Lance a slightly sad look. “Do you now want to?”

“What? No I um… It’s just… We’re outside and I just… I haven’t done anything outside like this before… Hell the wildest place we’ve done it, for me at least, was the bathroom during halloween…” Lance knew he was starting to ramble but he couldn’t help it. “So um, having it out here in the open… under the sky… I just… I um… It’s very… I just… It’s something else and I-”

Lance was quickly cut off when Keith leaned over and kissed him. “You talk too much. If being out in the open is too much for you we can go into your tent.”

He just nodded and let Keith lead him into the tent. Keith quickly stripped Lance and himself of their clothes in record time. Lance was almost surprised by how excited Keith seemed to be. Maybe just even attempting to take Keith on a Galra date had flattered him enough to get him this worked up? He wasn’t sure.

Either way he was always down for having sex with Keith. Even when it was in a cheap tent that was going to make them both sweat to death in a matter of minutes. He really hoped they wouldn’t suddenly die of heat stroke while fucking. That would be just be his luck.

He was quickly shaken from those thoughts when Keith sank down on his cock. They both moaned in pleasure as they adjusted to their new positions. Lance locked his eyes with Keith for a few seconds before Keith slowly started to move. Keith bit his bottom lip as he started to ride him to stifle his moans. Unsuccessfully, but he was still trying.

“Oh fuck, Lance!” He moaned. “Lance!”

Lance moaned as he gripped Keith’s hips and started to thrust up into him. “Fuck, Keith…” The air in the tent was already heavy and humid with the scent of their mixed sweat. Lance swore that there had to be something in Galra sweat that was turning him on so much. 

Before he knew it he was thrusting hard up into Keith and holding him flush against his hips as he came. Keith whined and dug his claws into Lance’s shoulders as he came between them. The Galra’s eyes were dazed and unfocused as he pulled Lance into yet another kiss.

“You really love kisses huh?”

“Only when they come from you.” Purred Keith. Keith always knew how to make Lance blush like crazy. He had no idea how he did it, he just did. 

When the two of them had the energy to get up Lance decided to introduce Keith to the concept of skinny dipping. Keith didn’t understand why it was called skinny dipping, but was happy to get clean with Lance in the water. Though Lance did have to explain the difference between saltwater and freshwater, and how there weren’t going to be any octopus in the river.

Keith swam around a little doing some kind of doggy paddle. Galra weren’t the best swimmers by the look of it. When Lance commented on it Keith rolled his eyes. “Galra don’t swim as much as humans do. Just be happy I’m not drowning.”

Lance shrugged and swam up behind him when he was in the shallows. He wrapped his arms around Keith’s hips and kissed along the back of his neck and shoulders. Keith hummed contently and looked back at him, smiling. That smile. That damn smile. It did more to Lance than he would ever admit. 

Keith turned around and lead Lance towards the shallows. Gently pushing him back when the water got around midthigh. Lance looked up him and couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. Keith was looking at him like he was his whole world. It made Lance’s heart race. 

He pulled Keith down into a kiss, wrapping his legs around his lovers waist. Lance shuddered a little when he felt Keith’s calamus open up against him and his tentacles surged forward. They seemed to be more tactile and fluid in their motion in the water. It was crazy feeling the sensation of them gliding effortlessly across his most sensitive flesh.

Lance closed his eyes and tilted his head back when he felt Keith’s tentacle dicks slip deep inside him. It felt so good. He was pretty sure that Keith had memorised every part of his body that made him see stars, even if he wasn’t fully adept at human anatomy yet. Maybe he was just a little too excited about having sex out in the open in a river? Well, as long as no one saw them he didn’t care.

Keith kissed and nipped at Lance’s neck as he thrusted into him. Lance moaned and ran his nails down Keith’s back. The alien moaned in pleasure and held Lance as close to his body as he could.

“Fucking hell Lance.” He moaned. “You’re so fucking amazing.”

Lance whimpered and buried his face into his shoulder. This was all getting too much for him. The cold water surrounding him. The heat from Keith’s body. The constant feeling of Keith’s tentacles twisting and hammering deep inside his body. Lance’s mind went blank as he came, almost falling back into the water and drowning. Luckily Keith continued to hold him close, sighing contently and he came in him.

Keith carefully moved them so they were sitting in the shallows. Well Keith was sitting in the shallows. Lance was still seated in his lap. His tentacle dicks did squirm a little while they were still inside him, which made Lance shudder. 

That just made the alien smile and gently nuzzle his neck. He gently kissed along Lance’s neck as he ran his fingers all along his sides and chest. “... Lance?”

“Y-yeah?”

“I want to bite you...” Said Keith quietly. “I want to mark you. Make you mine.”

Lance’s face felt like it was burning up. “I-I take it that this date is going very well then?”

Keith chuckled and nuzzled his neck a little. “Yeah. It is. So can I bite you?”

“Y-yeah.” Lance closed his eyes as he felt Keith’s teeth lightly brush against his neck. Gently sinking into his flesh. He hissed slightly when he felt Keith’s teeth lightly puncture his skin. Keith didn’t sink his teeth any deeper past that.

“Mine.” He purred.

Lance laughed a little and put his hand on Keith’s. “Yeah. Yours… We should dry off and get back to the tent.”

“Hmm, okay.”

They dried off and went back to the tent, but not without lots of hands grabbing and not so innocent touching on both their parts. Lance was very happy with how things were going. Keith definitely seemed to want him. They were boyfriends now, right? Maybe? Would Keith be offended if Lance asked before the end of the first day? He didn’t know. He’d keep his mouth shut for now and ask a little later.

Things quieted down for the most part after that. But that was until after they ate dinner. Which was just hotdogs. Surprisingly Keith seemed to really like hotdogs and sausages in general. Something to do with eating several different parts of an animal in one go. Lance had to beg him not to talk about what is actually in a hotdog. The main enjoyment of eating sausages was not knowing what was in it.

But after eating when the sun started to dip Keith ended up crouching on a rock. His eyes were lit up like a cats; large, bright, and shiny. Lance would have been creeped out a little if he wasn’t so used to it already. 

He sat next to Keith and kissed him softly. Before he knew it Keith had his legs wrapped around his hips and Lance was fucking him up against a rock. There had to be something about Keith that was making him this damn horny.

***

Keith was completely exhausted. He was completely and utterly drained. Both emotionally and physically. He didn’t expect Lance to like him as much as he did. Not enough to ask him out for a survival night… Even if it was kind of a diet survival night. It was nice. Lance was making an effort and that went far in Keith’s books.

He clung to Lance and nuzzled his neck, happily breathing the scent that was completely Lance and Lance alone. “I’m tired…”

“Yeah. Me too.” Said Lance. He yawned a little and cuddled Keith by the fire. “... It’s really clear out here tonight.”

Keith looked up at the stars. He had difficulty figuring out the constellations in this solar system. They were weird to him and made him feel a little homesick for his own stars. Maybe now that they were together he could take Lance to see his stars? His professors would kick his ass if he took home a human. He’d get into huge trouble. So many fines he’d have to pay and he’d probably get kicked out of his college. 

“Yeah. It is clear.”

“Reminds me of the night when I met you?”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It was a beautiful clear night like this.” Said Lance softly. “I’m glad you abducted me.”

Keith blushed a little. “Yeah… I’m glad I abducted you too. Tell me about your stars.”

Lance nodded and started pointing them out. “Well there is Draco. Over there is Cassiopeia… That’s Hydra. That one’s Leo. The best constellation.

“Because that’s your zodiac?”

“Aw, you remembered.”

“Why wouldn’t I remember?”

Lance blushed and continued to point things out. “A-and over there is Bootes. It’s also known as the Herdsman.”

While Lance talked Keith took a notebook out of his backpack and started to scribble down a few notes about the stars. He liked how Lance went into detail about how the stars got their names. It was fun. Keith could listen to Lance talk for hours. He was about to put his notebook away when he thought of something he needed to bring up with his professors later when he got the chance.

_Will I get points off my thesis if I have a human boyfriend?_

.


	15. Piss you off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Keith teaches Lance about how Galra get even with assholes... and also makes Lance drink a gallon of iced tea like the mad lad he is. Also, it's my first time writing this kind of kink so... probably isn't too good. Don't judge it too harshly. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

When the two of them came back from their camping trip Lance was the one to announce to the whole dorm that he and Keith were now dating. When he did though, Pidge just called up Matt and started screaming about how he owed her money. Apparently they had a bet going on about how long it would be until they came out. Assholes.

Apart from that life in the dorm didn’t really change that much for the two of them. Though Lance did notice that Keith was a little more affectionate towards him. It reminded Lance of a temperamental house cat. One second he’d be leaning against Lance on the couch and snuggling into him, then the next he was pushing him away and glaring when he tried to get close again. It was weird, but Lance was quickly getting used to it.

One thing he was not getting used to though, was getting chewed out by asshole professors. Which was currently happening to Lance. He had been been late a total of three times and he was getting verbally destroyed by Professor Iverson after class. 

“-And furthermore!” He snapped. “Don’t do it again!”

“Y-yes Professor.” Lance stuttered before he quickly left. Lance was shaking. He hated how small that man made him feel. He’d missed two classes because he was sick and one because Allura had an allergic reaction to some new perfume and she needed to get to the ER.

He quickly got back to the dorm and sat on the couch. Keith was over the otherside reading a book. When he saw Lance, he quickly wriggled over and tried to snuggle up to him. Lance wasn’t in a cuddly mood. 

“Not now Keith…”

“... What’s wrong? I’m the one that usually has to push you away.”

“My professor is an asshole. That’s all.”

Keith’s eyes narrowed when he said that. “What did he do? What did he say?”

“He’s mad that I was late a few times for class…”

“You talking about Iverson?” Asked Romelle.

“Yeah.”

“He’s a shit head. Fuck him.”

Keith had an angry look on his face. “What does he do?”

“He’s an asshole when it comes to people skipping class.” Said Romelle. “He’ll only let you go if you have a doctor’s note, and only if it’s in advance.”

“I don’t have any classes with him and I already hate him.” Muttered Keith.

Lance shrugged and patted Keith’s head. “It’s fine babe. You should be happy that you don’t have him. He is the worst… Speaking of, don’t you have him now Romelle?”

“...” Romelle screamed and ran out of the dorm.

When she was gone Keith lightly bumped his arm against Lance’s. “So what are you going to do?”

“What do you mean what am I going to do?” Asked Lance. “I’m going to get to class on time.”

That didn’t seem to sit right with Keith at all. “No way. Fuck that. According to the rules at this place, you don’t have to attend more seventy percent of your classes before you get reprimanded. This is bullshit. You have to get back at him.”

“Um… is this common for Galra?”

Keith nodded. “Yes. We have a very large set of rules that we follow and breaking the rules means we can inforce chagrack.”

“... And that is?”

“It roughly translates to punishing those that don’t follow the rules.” Said Keith. “Chagrack is universally recognised by all Galra as a lawful act and has been upheld for centuries as law and is a common defence. This Iverson is not following the rules so we are going to do chagrack.”

Lance felt like this was going to possibly get them both expelled. “Um… This sounds dangerous.”

Keith shrugged and kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry about it. You just leave the planning to me. I’ll come up with a good chagrack for him.” For some reason that didn’t reassure Lance at all. He had a feeling they were going to get expelled or at the very least bailed out of jail.

***

It was three weeks after that conversation, and Lance had hoped that Keith had forgotten all about it, but he didn’t. Keith walked into their room, dumped their backpack on their bed and started to rummage through his stuff. He shoved a few things into it and looked over at Lance. 

“We’re doing Chagrack tonight.” He proclaimed.

Lance raised an eyebrow. “What are you planning?”

“Iverson has a new office chair.” He said. “I saw the boxes. I asked around.”

Lance felt his blood run cold. “... What are you planning?”

“We’re going to sneak into his office.”

“Oh no…”

“Get his new chair.”

“Keith…”

“And fucking destroy it.”

“And we’ll get expelled. Do you want to get expelled?”

“Chargrack is more important.” Said Keith. “Chargrack is what we need to do.”

Lance sighed and pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes. “Do we really need to do this? Really? Humans aren’t like Galra. This can really fuck us over.”

Keith frowned and put his hands on Lance’s shoulders. “It’s chargrack or nothing.”

“Then nothing.”

“Then it’s just chargrack by proxy.”

“You’re going to destroy his chair no matter what, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

Lance groaned in annoyance, but didn’t want Keith to do something really stupid. “Okay, fine… What are we doing.”

Keith grinned and took a half gallon bottle of ice tea from his bag and handed it to Lance. “Drink this. All of this.”

Lance looked at the bottle and then back up at Keith. “I have a decent idea what we are going to do and I don’t like it.”

“Just drink the fucking tea.”

Lance grumbled and started drinking the tea. When he had drunk about a third of the bottle Keith nodded and grabbed his backpack. “Okay. It’s late. Your shitty professor should be gone by now. We can break in now. Keep drinking that tea.”

This was a stupid idea and Lance knew they were going to get expelled for this but Keith wasn’t going to drop it. They walked to one of the administration buildings and Lance watched as Keith fiddled with his watch. He had no idea what Keith was doing, but every now and then he would keep looking over at Lance to make sure he was still drinking. He would gesture for him to do so when he wasn’t.

Lance already needed to kind of pee anyway, so this was already uncomfortable. “Come on Keith… We’re going to get caught on the cameras. We aren’t even wearing ski masks.”

“Your security is shit.” Said Keith. “I’ve been staking out this place for weeks. I could hack this with a toothpick and a stick of gum. Apparently Pidge probably could too.”

“Yeah she could.” 

Keith nodded and expertly walked inside the building. He was still fiddling with his watch as he walked to Professor Iverson’s office. As they walked Lance started to feel pressure building up in his bladder. 

“Keith…” Whispered Lance quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Am I going to piss on his chair?”

“...”

“You want me to piss on his chair…”

“Well he pissed you off so why not piss on his stuff?”

Lance facepalmed as he looked around for the nearest bathroom. “Yeah, you can piss on his stuff if you want.”

Keith pouted a little as he pulled Lance towards his office. “Come on Lance. Do more Galra stuff with me… Do this with me and we’ll do something you really want to do the next time we have sex. No questions asked… Do you want to do anal?”

Lance almost choked on the tea he was still drinking. “Excuse me?”

The alien shrugged. “Like yeah, I know with humans pretty much having a set binary when it comes to who gets a womb and who doesn’t, so when we do it I have to stick my dicks in your ass but like, me being a hermaphrodite I’ve never needed to so… You could be my first time?”

“Let me get this straight…”

“Okay.”

“You want me...”

“Yes.”

“To piss on Iverson’s new chair.”

“Yep.”

“And if I do that, we’ll do anal.”

“Did I stutter?”

While Lance had thought about doing that with Keith before, he hadn’t really thought about asking him for it since Keith seemed to get so much pleasure from doing it the way his species was meant to. They were both having a good time so there didn’t seem to be a reason to ask… But now that Keith was offering it...

Lance sighed and quickly chuckled the last of the tea and handed it over to Keith. “Fine.. But if I get expelled because of this I am going to find out how to talk to your professors and get you in so much trouble.”

For a brief moment Keith genuinely looked surprised before he rolled his eyes. “Just get in there and piss on the fucking chair.” He gave Lance a light shove, which made him gasp. The pressure in his bladder was quickly hitting painful points of bursting and he almost pissed himself.

“Don’t shove me.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “What? You guys have shit pelvic muscles too?”

“Well considering you pull your dicks inside yourself and you have all that other shit going on down there I think it’s pretty obvious you have stronger muscles in your pelvis. You don’t even need to thrust into me to fuck me.”

“... True. Anyway, hurry up and piss on it.”

Lance sighed and walked over to Iverson’s desk. His chair looked nice. It had no wear on it or even any marks to show he had sat in it for very long. No butt print or anything. With a sigh Lance unzipped his pants and took his dick out to take a piss, but despite the need to pee he just couldn’t. Which was kind of weird. Then again he knew this was probably going to happen. 

“I can’t do this…” 

“Why not? You drank a gallon of tea!”

“Yeah, but you’re watching me!”

Keith looked at Lance like he was a moron. “I’ve seen you naked so many times already. I’ve seen you cum. You’ve cummed in me. I’ve sucked your dick. How can you not take a piss in front of me?”

“I’m a shy pisser. Okay?” Whined Lance. “I have trouble peeing when someone is watching me.”

“... Lance, you are fucking weird.”

“Says the alien that wants me to piss on a professor’s chair to assert my dominance.”

Keith rolled his eyes and quickly started going through his backpack as he muttered to himself. Lance had no idea what he was doing but since he wasn’t looking he was going to go back to trying to take a piss on the chair. It wasn’t working. This was worse than the time he was five years old and the family went on a road trip and had to stop because he and his brothers needed to pee on the side of the road and Lance just couldn’t. It sucked. This was one of those sucky times.

While Lance was reminiscing bad bladder times he didn’t notice Keith moving some of Iverson’s stuff off his desk so he could comfortably sit. Once he was seated he poked Lance to get his attention. “Still can’t piss?”

“Yeah and…” Lance looked down and saw that keith didn’t have his pants on and he was holding his red bullet vibrator. “... now I am scared. What are you planning?”

“If I make you cum your muscles should relax enough for you to piss.”

“You’re going to extremes to make me piss on a chair. You know that right? Do you have a piss fetish or something?”

“I am very passionate about Galra laws.” Sad Keith. “If you don’t want to piss on it we can set it on fire.”

“... Yeah, I’d like to avoid arson.”

“Good.” He put his hands on Lance’s hips and gently moved him closer. He hummed a little as he circled his thumbs over Lance’s hip bones. “... You’re beautiful.”

Lance went bright red. Completely embarrassed. “Sh-shut up man…”

Keith just smiled at him and pressed the vibrator against himself, turning it on. The alien’s eyes fluttered shut and tilted his head back as he moaned. It only took less than a minute for Keith to be fully aroused. Lance was always amazed at how much vibrations affected his boyfriend.

Soon Lance was seeing Keith’s familiar tentacle dicks slithering out and lightly flailing around in the air. It always looked so weird to Lance. But he didn’t mind. He was used to his boyfriend’s anatomy by now. He felt his throat go dry as he watched Keith push the toy deep inside himself., and the noises Keith made… It had to be one of Lance’s favourite sounds in the whole world.

It made his dick twitch in excitement, but when it did Lance was quickly reminded by the pressure and pain in his bladder. It hurt like a stab to the guts. He really needed to take a piss. “You owe me big time for doing this.” He grumbled.

Keith rolled his eyes as he panted heavily. “Sh-shut up and move your ass here.” He roughly grabbed Lance by his hips and pulled him over, pressing his back flush against his chest. The sudden movement hurt, and made Lance yelp a little.

“D-do you have to be so rough?” Growled Lance. “I’m going to end up pissing on you at this point.”

He felt Keith pressing his teeth into his shoulder. “You know, I would go into how all things considered that isn’t the worst thing that could happen to us right at the moment, but fuck it. I’m horny now.”

Before Lance could come up with a snappy comeback he felt Keith’s dicks poking and prodding around before the sunk in. Lance let out an embarrassing whine as he felt the pressure building up in his bladder again. Keith wrapped his arms around Lance’s body, keeping him firmly in place as he started thrusting into him.

Lance whimpered as he felt them writhe around inside him and put unfair amounts of pressure against his bladder. Lance squeezed his eyes shut. It hurt. He needed to go so badly but damn his body just won’t let him.

He suddenly felt Keith’s hand snake around his front and gripped his cock. Rubbing his thumb over the head of his cock. That combined with Keith’s cock’s bumping up against his prostate at just the right time, and Lance’s bladder gave out.

With a weak cry Lance let loose. It hurt so fucking much from holding it in for so long, but after what felt like en eternity there was that wave a reliefe and pleasure. Keith didn’t stop fucking him the whole time, but he did direct Lance’s spray towards the chair. It got sprayed all over the seat, arms, and the back of the chair. It was completely ruined.

Lance closed his eyes as his legs started shaking. He was never going to drink that much tea again. No matter how many time Keith glared at him. Pissing on Iverson’s chair was not worth it. Keith’s Galra traditions were fucking weird.

“Fuck… Keith… We’re so fucking expelled...”

Keith huffed and continued to thrust into Lance’s body. “Don’t care.” He grunted. Keith started to quickly jerk Lance off. “Gonna make you cum on it too.”

Lance shuddered and lightly gripped Keith’s arm. Now that the threat of needing to piss was over, Lance had to admit this was kind of exciting, having sex in Iverson’s office, outside of their bedroom… What if someone found them? Would they just get kicked out? Hell, what if someone happened to see Keith’s dicks? That would be the worst thing. Anyone seeing that would know immediately that Keith wasn’t human… and that danger was turning him on.

He quickly felt himself getting hard in Keith’s hand, and with the constant assault on his prostate and Keith just working his dick like his life depended on it, it didn’t take long for Lance to cum either. He tilted his head back and let out a guttural moan as Keith stroked him through his orgasm. Suddenly he felt Keith pull out and splatters of turquoise joined the white and yellow splattering the chair. 

Lance tilted his head back and kissed Keith’s cheek. Keith hummed softly and helped Lance pull his underwear and pants back on before he took care of himself. Lance leaned over the desk as he watched Keith quickly moving around the room getting dressed and going through his backpack again.

“You ready to go Keith?”

His boyfriend nodded as he took something out of his bag and quickly slung the backpack over his shoulder. “Almost ready… Just need to do something first.”

Before Lance could ask him what on earth he needed to do he watched Keith go over to the chair fiddled with the thing he took out of his backpack, and promptly set each spot of turquoise coloured cum on fire. It was a quick flash of fire, but it burned fast and hot enough to burn hols right through the padding before it completely burnt out. There wasn’t enough smoke to set off the fire alarms.

Keith grinned to himself and happily walked to the door. “Okay, now we can go.”

Sneaking out was easier than sneaking in surprisingly, and when they were far enough away from the building Lance found his voice again. “Your cum…”

“Yeah?”

“It’s flammable.”

“Yes.”

“Holy fucking shit.” Muttered Lance. “I just… Your fucking cum is flammable.”

“Yes.”

“... I’ve been letting you cum inside me for months now.”

“... As long as you don’t shove a lighter up your ass you’ll be fine.”

“That’s not the point!” Whined Lance. “Your biology is bullshit.”

Keith chuckled. “You really want to start this again?”

“Argh!”

***

The next day Keith was able to eat lunch in the dormitory while making some notes on some of his experiments with his human test subjects. Turns out Matt really doesn’t like it when someone moved his slippers. Who knew?

Suddenly Pidge came walking in and quickly made a beeline for Lance when she saw him. “Dude! You will never guess what happened!”

“What?”

“Two people snuck into Iverson’s office and fucked in his office, destroying his new chair! Fucking legends!”

Keith just chuckled and nodded along. “Really?”

“Fuck yeah! They also set it on fire. Iverson’s so mad! It’s amazing!” Cackled Pidge. “If he every catches who did it they are never going to find their bodies, but it’ll be so worth it!” Keith just rolled his eyes and let her keep talking about what happened while he quickly checked over his notes.

_Humans do not have a concept of chargrak. They just let personal injustice happen. I introduced a test subject to the concept. There seem to be mixed results. While they did go through with it they did argue a lot. It was annoying, but there wasn’t much I could do about it._

_Also, as it turns out a human male’s sperm isn’t flammable. Seems kind of odd, but that is human anatomy for you. Humans have really strange biology and I still don’t fully understand it. It’s going to take me a while to fully figure out what is going on. Then again I guess humans would think our anatomy is strange too._

“Did you hear me?” Called Pidge.

Keith looked over to the kitchen. “What?”

“You want some tea?” Asked Pidge. “Some asshole bought like five gallons of the stuff the other day. We’re going to be drinking this for ages.”

It took everything in Keith’s power not to laugh and grin. “Sure. Pour me a cup.”


	16. Incoming call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my fellow readers! Enjoy your porny Christmas gift! Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

A few weeks after the chair incident Lance and Keith finally found some time alone together. Keith happily locked the door and draped himself over Lance. Lightly nuzzling his neck and lightly biting his neck and earlobe. Lance did practically melted and didn’t have to be convinced to have some fun with his boyfriend. Then Keith asked the question.

“So… do you want to do anal?”

“... Come again?”

Keith rolled his eyes and pouted. “I said that if you pissed on Iverson’s chair I’d let you do me, or did you forget?”

“No, I remembered, I just wasn’t sure if you were serious about it or not.” Admitted Lance. “But if you want to-”

“I’ve already done some prep work.”

“... Come again?”

Keith blushed a little and averted his eyes. “W-well I just went online and looked up a few websites about gay sex and stuff… I um… I know our anatomy is a little different but I think it’ll be okay?”

Lance would have been lying if he said his dick didn’t twitch when Keith admitted that. “Okay… Um… Do I still have lube? Do you want me to use a condom?”

“Um… I don’t know. Maybe? Do you think you should?”

“Well it might be easier for you to get cleaned up after since you wouldn’t be used to trying to wash cum out of your ass…”

“Good point. Yeah, use a condom.”

Lance nodded and dug through his bedside drawer. It had been a while since he used any of that stuff. He still had an almost full bottle of lube and a full box of condoms. When he grabbed what he needed he turned around and saw Keith was already stripped down to his underwear.

“Eager huh?”

Keith blushed a little. “M-maybe…”

“... Hey, um since we are doing this, can I ask you to do one thing for me?”

“Hmm?”

Lance sat next to him and lightly squeezed his hand. “Um, can you drop the human disguise? I um… I think you look better in your normal Galra form than your human one.”

“... It’s because I have alien reproductive organs isn’t it?”

“Yeah… I also kind of think your ears are cute...”

Keith smiled a little and fiddled with his watch. His disguise dropped and his Galra features were prominent. “Like this?”

Lance smiled and kissed him. “Yeah. Like that. Lie down.” 

Keith lied down on his stomach, kind of unsure of where to move his arms or legs. He just grabbed a pillow and held it close to his chest and awkwardly spread his legs. Lance smiled and gently squeezed his thighs. Despite being as strong and toned as he was, Keith’s ass and thighs were still soft.

Lance settled between Keth’s legs and gently spread his cheeks, squeezing some lube onto his puckered hole. Keith shivered a little. “Cold…”

“I know love. Sorry about that.” He very carefully started to press a finger into Keith. He was very soft. “Huh… You’re really soft back here. You did prep yourself for me, huh?”

Keith’s ears twitched a little and huffed. He didn’t say anything and didn’t move much, so Lance continued to finger him. Thankfully this didn’t seem very different from fingering a human. He slowly worked in a second finger and listened to Keith make an odd purring sound.

“Are you okay?”

Keith shrugged. “I don’t know. This feels weird… I haven’t done this kind of stuff before… I don’t really know if it feels good or not… It’s just weird.”

“Okay.” Lance started to scissor him, drawing out some more strange purrs out from. He pushed his fingers in just a little deeper and curled his fingers. He pushed against something hard and Keith yelped. Lance instantly removed his fingers. “Whoa! You okay? What was that?”

Keith buried his face into the mattress and mumbled something incoherent. 

“... Keith? Are you okay?”

He sighed and raised his head a little. “It’s fine… I just… Slightly different anatomy… I keep forgetting humans don’t have a baculum…”

“... A what?”

He sighed a little. “A baculum. It’s basically a dick bone. It um… Everything’s all kind of tucked up in there and stuff and like… Fuck it’s hard to explain… Basically it’s just this bone that helps keep my dicks out during sex… It doesn’t go all the way down them obviously, but it’s still there… Haven’t had anyone press it like that before…”

“... So it didn’t hurt?”

“...”

“Keith?”

“No. It was fine… It um… It felt nice… Keep going.” 

Lance nodded and carefully continued. He kept thrusting his fingers and rubbed and pressed against the back of the baculum. Each subtle movement over it drew more and more sounds out from Keith. He watched as Keith’s ears shivered and twitched. Lance carefully pushed in a third finger and carefully thrusted his fingers. He wanted to make sure that Keith was well prepared.

“You doing okay there Keith?” He asked as he moved his fingers. When he did, he didn’t feel Keith’s baculum. “Whoa!”

“W-what?”

“I can’t feel your baculum bone thing anymore.”

Keith sighed a little and shook his head. “That’s because I’m aroused now you idiot. Reach under me.” Lance was a little hesitant but did as he was told and felt Keith’s tentacle dicks looping around his fingers and lightly squirming. “Fuck me already.”

“Are you sure?” Asked Lance. “I um… I don’t want to hurt you. Like, this is your first time doing it and-”

“-Lance.” Growled Keith. “Either you fuck me or I will tie you down and ride you.”

“... Kinky.”

“Lance!”

“Just teasing you.” He leaned down and kissed Keith’s cheek. “Do you want to stay like this or do you want to roll over?” While Keith was deciding this Lance put on a condom and applied a generous amount of lube. When he looked over at Keith the Galra had rolled onto his back, but he wasn’t looking at him. He still seemed pretty embarrassed. Lance smiled softly and gently ran his hand down Keith’s leg. “Are you okay? We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s fine.” Said Keith. “I just… This is embarrassing… First time doing anything is always embarrassing...” 

“... Would you feel better if you had some chocolate?” Asked Lance.

Keith shook his head. “No. I’ll be fine just…” He reached up but still wasn’t looking at him. “Just hold me...”

Lance smiled softly at Keith and held him close as he very slowly pushed in. Keith hissed a little and dug his nails into Lance’s shoulders. “Ow, just- just try to relax. Breathe.”

Keith closed his eyes and slowly calmed his breathing. “... This feels so fucking weird…”

Lance couldn’t help but chuckle. “Yeah. It does feel pretty weird. Imagine how I usually feel.”

“Hmm… Just thrust or whatever...”

“Okay.” Lance carefully rolled his hips and moaned softly. It felt so good. Keith was incredibly tight and Lance wanted nothing more than to just start pounding into him. But Keith didn’t look fully comfortable. “D-do you want to stop?”

Keith shook his head. “N-no.” He said breathlessly. “It’s fine. P-please move faster.” 

He didn’t look like he was in pain, so Lance slowly started to speed up. He moaned softly and leaned in a little closer to Keith. The Galra pulled his face close and kissed him while a deep purr resonated through his chest. Keith was slowly starting to move his hips to try and match Lance’s thrusts.

Lance reached between them and started stroking Keith’s dicks. It made him shudder and moan loudly. Lance grinned a little and started moving faster. Suddenly Keith arched his back, moaned loudly and came. Getting squeezed so tightly by Keith quickly tipped Lance over the edge and he came hard in him.

The two of them were panting heavily for a few minutes before Lance pulled out and tossed the condom. Keith made a disgruntled noise and settled into the mattress. “... That was strange.”

Lance shrugged and lied next to him. “Well that’s what you kind of expect when you get fucked in the ass. It’s weird, but I like it. If you don’t then that’s okay.”

“Well yeah, but-” Suddenly Keith’s watch started vibrating and buzzing. Keith’s fine fur immediately puffed up and he sat up cringing slightly. “Shirt!” He hissed. “Pass me a shirt!” Lance quickly tossed one to him and Keith quickly pulled it on before quickly pushing Lance off the bed. 

“Hey!”

“Sorry! So sorry!” Hissed Keith. “I have to take this call!”

“Call?”

“Yes! It’s a holo-call. Just… Just stay there, don’t move and keep quiet.” Said Keith quickly. “They can’t know that you know that I’m not human right now.”

“Got it.”

“A-also I have to take this off human.”

“Okay?”

Keith nodded and quickly pressed a few buttons on his watch. Seconds later the projected image head and shoulders of a Galran with a long ponytail appeared. Keith straightened his shoulders and started to speak with him. “Grrarack, Kolivan.”

_“Grrarack, Yurak.”_ Growled out the holographic image. _“Cha, gor gorracgak. Daarack ra tark chargrack, Yurak?_

Keith’s ears twitched nervously and he shook his head. “Sacha, Kolivan. Gr, dororko cha tar takar de dark. Boro choro arack?”

The man made an annoyed noise and started to raise his voice. _“Yurak! Tara tark chakar tark! Earthlings garatar! Tar borokora! Da grrr ra! Da grrr ra! Bochora gorgar? Cha? Tarjerak? Ah? Ah, Yurak? Ah?_

Keith’s ears completely drooped against his head and he looked completely defeated from the verbal beat down this other Galra was giving him. “Fa… Fagragtar… Bo gro char… Bogoraktar, Earthlings, targ cho ra…”

_“Targ!”_ Snapped the older Galra. _“Yurak tograk chorag bo gro char ark! Daarack ra! Ah Yurak! Grarak arackarg! Fo char! Barkagdark, fo X1LH char-”_

“-Hachar!” Snapped Keith as he bared his fangs. “X1LH gara fogora hevagark! Borga noravok, hark bo chorg barag!”

After Keith’s little outburst the man in the hologram huffed in annoyance and shook his head, but he seemed to calm down. _“Go chorag hork fargrang Yurak.”_

“Dodorago.”

_“Char… Bartarag Yurak.”_

“Bartarag Kolivan.” After that the hologram vanished and Keith collapsed onto the mattress and sighed heavily.

Lance cautiously approached him and put his hand on Keith’s shoulder. “Hey? Are you okay?”

Keith looked over at him. “Ah? Gotoro bargrash?”

“What? Dude, turn your translator back on.”

Keith looked confused for a moment before he pressed a few buttons on his watch and was speaking English again. “What?”

“Who was that?”

Keith sighed heavily and shoved his face into the pillow for a few seconds before he looked over at him. “That was my professor. Kolivan.” He said. “I uploaded my current research to be evaluated and he wasn’t too happy I’ve started interacting with humans so quickly…”

“Oh…”

“Yeah… He’s telling me I need to back off. That I need to do minimal human interactions or I could risk people finding out about aliens. Earth scores a 2 on the planetary interaction scale.”

“Is that bad?”

“You guys score a 2 out of 500.”

“... I see.” Lance got back into the bed with Keith and gently patted his head. “Um… Are you okay? Are you like in major trouble? How much does he know about us?”

“He doesn’t know we’re having sex.” Said Keith calmly. He sighed and wrapped his arms around Lance in a loose hug. “I’ve lost that part out for the moment… He doesn’t need to know right now… Fuck if he would out now that I’ve started that part of my research he’d come down here and drag me back by my ears…”

Lance nodded as he tried to understand this. “Okay. No mentioning to the angry professor that you have a human for a boyfriend… Would he do something to me if he knows that I know?”

Keith shook his head. “Why would he do anything to you? Most humans still think aliens aren’t real. They would never believe you.”

“... True.” Lance sighed and snuggled up against Keith, carefully moving Keith’s head onto his chest. “Um… Anyway, your ass might hurt for a while… Do human painkillers work for you?”

“Opioids are the normal stuff for us. Too bad humans find that shit addictive.” Grumbled Keith. “Damn humans. Ruining painkillers for aliens.”

Lance sighed and patted his head. “Calm down babe… You totally have opioids somewhere in the room don’t you?”

“Damn straight I do.” Said Keith. He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Do you really think I would go down to any planet without a basic medical kit? Also, don’t go through my shit. I’m pretty sure all my shit will either kill you or make you really sick.”

Lance laughed and cuddled Keith some more. “Okay Keith. Never wanted to snoop through your stuff anyway.” He yawned a little. “Want to nap?”

Keith nodded in agreement and closed his eyes. “Yeah. Nap is good.” Moments later Keith was quietly snoring while Lance was still awake, but kind of sleepy. He was kind of worried about what Keith had said about Kolivan. They would have to be more careful, maybe? Maybe Lance should help Keith find other things to study about humans other than what they are like in the bedroom… But after Keith’s ass stopped hurting when he woke up of course.


	17. Date plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody. So nothing super hardcore this chapter, and I decided to do it more from Keith's perspective since I haven't done much of that. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

After the holo-call with Kolivan, Keith had started to slowly dial back how much sex they were having. He started to worry that Kolivan had told Keith more than he was letting on. He felt like Keith was slowly distancing himself. But maybe it was just him? He wasn’t sure.

It wasn’t just the lack of sex either. It was the lack of basic interactions. He tried to convince Keith to go on a date with him. Hell, he even tried just asking if Keith wanted to eat breakfast with him. Keith quickly declined and ran out of the room. Was Keith just done with him? Had he done something wrong?

Lance sighed heavily as he bundled himself up in a blanket and watched some cooking show with Hunk. “This sucks…” He muttered.

Hunk glanced over at him. “Huh? I know this is a rerun, but it’s still-”

“No not that… Me and Keith. He’s… He’s gone cold on me all of a sudden.”

“Oh… Honeymoon phase is over?” He asked.

Lance shrugged. “I guess… But he’s straight up avoiding me now. Is he tired of me?”

“That’s a talk you need to have with him not me.”

“I know but… I haven’t been able to talk to him for three days…”

Hunk looked over at Lance with concern. “Oh Lance… You really need to talk to him.”

“I know but… What if he doesn’t want to talk to me? What if he just brushes me off?”

“I don’t know man. Maybe something came up? Maybe he has a really shitty teacher?”

“Maybe…” Lance sighed and pulled his blanket up to his chin. He missed being with Keith so much. The last time he had shared a conversation with Keith was when he came home late and crawled into bed with him. Al he said was; _“Go back to sleep Lance. Night.”_ That was it. It was depressing. He missed Keith.

***

Keith was in the library surrounded by as many books as possible. He needed to cram as much information into his next report about human diets as possible. He had gotten stumped when he came across lactose and how some people were intolerant. It blew his mind that a large group of the human population was lactose intolerant but the other half was scarfing down milk, cream, and cheese. What did this mean? What did it mean?

It meant Kolivan was going to beat his head in with a rock if he couldn’t come up with a decent report. That’s what it meant.

He sighed heavily and rested his head against the desk. This sucked. He was so focused on his work he didn’t have time for Lance. He just couldn’t. He needed to finish his work. Once he finished then he would do something with Lance. 

Lance liked… He liked fish and the ocean. He liked his family and Earth holidays. What the hell was he meant to do with that? Was he meant to take Lance back to the aquarium? Screw that. Fish were weird. He didn’t like them… Lance did also like having sex with him, but sex probably wouldn’t fix not speaking with him for days. That was bad.

A book hit the desk and made him jump. He looked up and there was Pidge. She was giving him a strange look and he gave her a strange look back. “What?”

“Why are you being so cold to Lance these days?” She asked. “You used to be joined at the hip. What gives?”

Keith sighed and rubbed his temples. “I have work… I didn’t mean for it to get this bad, but my grades are dropping and I’ve been spending so much time with Lance I’ve just…” He shook his head. “I can’t afford to fall behind. I know I shouldn’t be neglecting Lance like this but I… I don’t know… What am I meant to do to make it up to him?”

“Fuck?”

“Besides fucking.” Grumbled Keith. “I don’t want to just fuck him. Like, I don’t mind fucking him but I want to do more than that… He deserves more than that…”

Pidge nodded a little and tapped her fingers against the table. “Take him out for dinner and maybe a movie? If you go to a movie you go to the movie first and then the dinner… Then you bring him back to the dorm and fuck him.”

“What movie?” Asked Keith. “Where do we go to dinner?”

“You really need me to do everything for you?”

“... I really need help.”

She rolled her eyes. “Dude, what did you guys do for dates before?”

“... We just had a lot of sex.”

“...” Pidge face palmed so hard Keith was worried that she hurt herself.

“Is that bad?”

“Yes Keith.” She grumbled. “You two are in a romantic boyfriend relationship. Not a fuck buddy relationship. You guys need to go on dates at least once a month. At least hang out and watch TV with him sometimes. Eat a meal with him. He just wants to spend time with you. Is that so hard?”

“... But my grades…”

“Fuck the grades. How important are your grades?”

Keith frowned a little. His grades were really important. He wanted to be a xenobiologist ever since he first knew other people on other planets existed. He wanted to see new animals and new people. He loved learning about people that were different from other Galra. It was fun and made him smile, but the course work was hell. If he failed higher education he’d get thrown into the army. 

In Galra society, you had to join a mandatory tour of duty. After basic training there were a series of tests. Mostly physical but there were some mental ones too. If you scored high enough on the mental ones you could cut your military service in half but you had to complete a higher education course. If one were to flunk out of that they’d have to restart their military training from the beginning. Keith did not want to do that again.

“Very important. Pidge, I need to pass. I need to get good grades so I can find a decent job, make decent money, have decent housing… I can’t do that if my grades are shit and I bomb out…”

Pidge frowned a little as he thought about this. “Is this because you’re like, an orphan? You have to rely on yourself and no one else? Grades aren’t everything. Look, in this day and age, getting a higher education isn’t as important as people think it is. You can get a good job even without a degree. Don’t stress yourself out about it.”

“... Is Lance mad at me?”

“Probably confused and upset at himself knowing that idiot.” Said Pidge. “Anyway, movies, dinner, and fucking. Also spend lots of time with him first. Got it? Don’t be a shitty boyfriend. You’re his boyfriend. Not his fuck buddy.”

“Okay…”

After Keith’s talk with Pidge, Keith didn’t feel like studying that much anymore. He sighed and walked over to a doughnut shop and bought a bunch of doughnut holes dipped in chocolate. He felt like this would be a good start. Lance liked fried food and chocolate.

“Hey Keith!” Called Shiro as he walked over to him.

Keith smiled a little and awkwardly waved at him. “Hey...”

“It feels like forever since we were able to talk.” He said. “You’ve really been throwing yourself into your studies huh?”

“Yeah… I’ve started to fall behind. Oh! You and Adam are dating right?”

“Last time I checked.”

“I need help.” He said quickly. “I haven’t been paying much attention to Lance lately and I know he feels bad about it… Pidge said I should take him to see and movie and have dinner. What do you think? Is that what you do with Adam?”

Shiro frowned a little. “Well, Curtis is more of the movie and dinner type. Adam likes going to places. Which was why we went to the aquarium.”

“... Huh?”

“I’m in a polyamerous relationship. Curtis had to take a few months off because of a death in the family. He’s been out of the country for funeral stuff. He’s been doing online work so he doesn’t fall behind.”

“... Polyamerous?” Polyamory was pretty common on different planets. Hell it was pretty common on his own planet. But he had found that humans prefer monogamy so it was a surprise to know that Shiro was in that kind of relationship.

Shiro shrugged. “It makes us happy. It is a healthy relationship. Sure polymaerous relationships aren’t common but we-”

“What? No. I don’t care about that. I was just a little surprised.” Said Keith. “Anyway, dates. I need help. Please.”

“Well…” Shiro thought for a moment. “How about… The amusement park?”

“... Amusement park?”

He nodded. “Yeah. They are usually pretty fun. Galaxy World is pretty good.”

“Galaxy world?”

Shiro nodded. “Yeah. It’s a space themed amusement park. We passed it when we went to the aquarium. It’s fun.”

Keith nodded a little and looked down at the ground. He had no idea if Lance would actually like that kind of stuff. He nervously scrunched up the lip of the paper bag he was holding.

“... What you got there?”

“Chocolate covered doughnut holes.” Said Keith. “I want to give something to Lance… It’s a shitty sorry for neglecting you gift… I don’t know what to do. Lance is the first serious relationship I’ve ever been in and… I don’t want to mess this up.”

Shiro smiled kindly at him and put his hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay Keith. You’re trying to fix things between you two. That has to count for something, right?”

“Right.” Keith had his doubts but walked back to the dorm with Shiro. They walked into the common room and Keith saw Hunk and Lance on the couch watching TV. He walked over to Lance and held out the food bag. “Um… Sorry I haven’t been around much. Can we go to our room and talk?”

Lance seemed a little surprised but followed Keith into their room. They sat on one of the beds and Keith nervously thought about what he was meant to do now. Was he meant to ask Lance out on a date now? That was what he was meant to do? Right?

“Are you okay?” Asked Lance. “You’ve kind of been…”

“I know… What Kolivan said really messed with my head… He pretty much said if I didn’t have a full report on human diets he’d force me back to review my work in person… I don’t want to suddenly get forced back home.” Said Keith. “I want to stay with you for as long as I can, so I’ve been working to fix a report for Kolivan.” 

Lance nodded a little. He seemed to understand, maybe? The human opened the bag and picked out a doughnut hole. “Chocolate?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah… I hope you like it.”

He smiled and ate one. “Yeah. Look, I get that you’re stressed and stuff, but I… I’d just like to talk to you more than just saying good night. This is the longest conversation we’ve had in ages…”

“I know. I’m sorry… Do you want to go on a date?”

Lance seemed a little surprised to hear that, but then he started to grin. “Hell yeah… Wait, are we going to go camping again?”

Keith shook his head. “No. I want to do human date stuff… Pidge said we should go see a movie and have dinner.”

“A classic.”

“Yeah, and Shiro suggested going to some place called Galaxy World?”

“Oh! That would be fun!” Said Lance in an excited manner. “Do Galra have amusement parks? Ever been on a rollercoaster before? They are so much fun.”

Keith shrugged. “I don’t know what a rollercoaster is.”

“It’ll be fun.” Keith relaxed a little. Lance was happy now. They were going to do a human date thing. He could do that. It’ll be fun. He hoped. He really hoped that he wouldn’t mess this up. Lance leaned over and kissed his cheek. “But are you okay?”

“Huh?”

“Like, sure I’ve been a little sad you haven’t been able to talk to me much, but you could get kicked off the planet.”

“Yeah…” Keith sighed and leaned against him. “I’ve almost finished my report. Just a few more days and things can go back to normal. I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you.”

“It’s okay Keith.” He took a doughnut hole of the bag and ripped it in half, offering the none chocolate half to him. Keith took it and ate it. “Taste good?”

“Yeah.” He leaned forward and kissed him. “You taste better.”

Lance blushed a little. “You um… You probably shouldn’t. I just ate some chocolate so… You know…”

“I don’t care.” Said Keith. “I’ve been neglecting you and I want to make it up to you.” He’d be crazy if he were to say he didn’t miss the sex. The physical intimacy was something he really missed about getting together with Lance. He kissed Lance again and tasted his lips. 

Warmth radiated over his lips and tingled down his body when he did that. Could have been the chocolate, could have been Lance. He wasn’t sure, but he didn’t care. He wanted Lance. His boyfriend. His lover. Was it bad that he wanted to just skip the date stuff and go straight to the sex? He wasn’t sure.

He suddenly felt Lance’s hands on his body, and he was flat on his back. There was a lustful look in his eyes that made Keith’s heart race in his chest. It looked like Lance was pent up and wanted this too.

“... Don’t you need to finish your report?” Asked Lance quietly.

“I can take some time off.” Keith said quickly. “We both need it… I… I need you...” Keith was always reluctant to tell people how he felt but Lance liked it when he talked about his feelings. Humans were much more open with their emotions.

What he said seemed to spark something in Lance as he started to kiss his neck and lightly grope him. Keith’s eyelids fluttered shut as they felt Lance’s hands on him. He didn’t know if humans felt the same way Galra did when they were aroused. Would Lance felt weird if he told him about the deep tingling sensation he would feel deep in the pit of his stomach? How his body would heat up every time he touched his skin? The strange feeling he would get as he felt his cocks swell with arousal? Then again Lance was odd so he might think it’s sexy.

Keith choked out a moan when Lance’s hand slipped under his underwear and rub across his calamus. The muscles in his pelvis flutter. It was like his body just knew who was touching him and was desperate for it. He hardly had to touch him for his calamus to retract. It was like heaven when he felt Lance’s fingers intertwine around his dicks. He didn’t know Lance did it, but it always made him feel so needy and desperate for more.

“F-fuck!” He hissed. “Lance! I-I need more! I need you!” 

When Lance wanted to he could move fast, scarily so. They were both naked in a matter of seconds. Keith practically threw his arms around Lance and drew him into a deep kiss. He sighed as his cocks wrapped around Lance’s own. Lance moaned into his mouth.

“Fuck.” Moaned Lance as he rolled his hips.

Keith could tell Lance was already close. He was close too. Going at it every day, several times a day, for several weeks, only to just suddenly stop could be a real shock to the system. Keith whined a little as he gripped Lance’s arms tightly as he came. The sudden muscle spasms seemed to catch Lance off guard and he came too. The two of them were laying there, stomachs painted with white and blue.

Once Lance caught his breath he chuckled a little. “I can’t believe we just humped each other until we came.”

“I can believe it.” Said Keith. “You humans tend to have very little self control. Couldn’t even wait until after the date before we fuck.” He teased.

Lance pouted and poked Keith’s face. “You couldn’t wait either. Don’t act like Galra don’t get horny.”

Keith grinned and reached over to grab some tissues. He wiped them both clean and tossed it in the bin before flopping down next to him. “Whatever… So are we good?”

His boyfriend gave him a confused look and ran his fingers through Keith’s hair. “Keith, we’ve always been good. I just missed being with you.”

“More than the sex?”

“Of course more than the sex.” Said Lance. “Sure, the sex is awesome and I’m not gonna turn it down if you want to do it but like… You know… I like the idea of going on a date with you. I don’t think we’ve actually been on a date since we started dating.”

“Yeah, we’ve kind of just been fucking more since we started dating officially.”

“Yeah… Can we still go on a date?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. I want to go on a human date. See how different it is from a Galra one.”

“Want to do it this weekend?”

Again, Keith nodded. “Yeah. I should be done with my report for Kolivan by then.”

Lance grinned. “Yay, no more angry Galra professors!”

“Yay.” Keith leaned against Lance’s arm and sighed contently. “Last thing I need is him dragging me back to Diabazaal.”

“Dia what?”

“That’s the name of my home planet.”

“Huh.” Lance pulled the covers over them and snuggled him. “Tell me more about it?”

“Eh, in a bit. I kinda feel like going another round.”

Lance sighed and shook his head. “Damn Keith, you need to give me a few more minutes. We can’t just get it up again like that. You have to give me time to recover.”

“Fine.” Keith pouted and flicked one of Lance’s nipples in protest. 

This caused Lance to yelp a little and swat Keith’s hand away. “Quit it.”

“Hurry up and get hard again.”

“My dick doesn’t work like that, you impatient purple cat alien.”

“Not with that attitude it doesn’t.”

Lance sighed loudly in exasperation. “You’re going to be the death of me, I swear…”


	18. Galaxy World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut and also, a mechanical bull. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

After their talk everything seemed to smooth out a lot more or less. They’d get up around the same time each morning, eat breakfast together, and then head off to classes. Sometimes they would meet up for lunch and if then had a bit of free time they would make out. Then when their classes were over for the day they would just hang out in the common room.

Lance loved the time they were spending together. Keith did continue to study and do his alien work stuff. Usually when he did this he would poke Lance every now and then. He would poke his stomach and arms for some reason. Lance didn’t know why he was doing this but he didn’t question this.

Usually on days after Keith poked him, they would end up having sex. Lance was still deeply aroused and excited every time they did anything intimate. Lance was pretty sure he had a tentacle fetish now. Keith had completely ruined him for any future man or woman. He’d never be able to be with anyone else after Keith.

The morning after one of their more passionate nights, when they had decided to go on a date, Lance was surprised to find he was the first one awake. Keith was always going on about how Galra only needed half as much sleep as humans. Maybe Keith had been awake for a few hours after Lance had fallen asleep and then he just passed out a few hours ago? He wasn’t sure.

Either way Lance couldn’t help but smile at him and gently brush his hair out of his face. Keith was beautiful when he slept. His features were sharp, yet soft. Even if he was in Galra form or in his human disguise. Even Keith’s body looked perfect. All his muscles were lean and perfectly toned even when he was completely wrapped around his body. Keith seemed to really love cuddling after sex.

Lance very carefully moved Keith off himself, shuddering a little when he felt something warm and slick on his other thigh. Looking down he saw a small patch of sticky, blue slick. Thinner than Keith’s cum.

“...” He glanced down at Keith and noticed that his alien lover was aroused. The liquid was oozing out between his calamus. Said calamus was slowly starting to retract. The first two had already done so. 

It actually reminded Lance of a conversation he and Keith had a few days ago. Lance was fishing for answers about Keith’s weird Galra biology, but the alien had somehow twisted it around into talking about human fetishes and kinks. Lance just showed him the wiki page for paraphilias. 

One that had caught the alien’s attention was one called somnophilia. He had found it interesting that someone could find someone who was asleep or unconscious as sexually arousing. They had talked a little about it and Keith mentioned that he wouldn’t mind waking up to Lance eating him out.

Now Lance was at a bit of a crossroad. Keith said he was okay with this and Keith did seem to sleep like a rock. He could maybe do it, but he was a little concerned about Keith’s calamus snapping shut on his tongue and cutting it off if he suddenly woke up.

“...” Lance would risk it.

Lance carefully settled himself between Keith’s legs. He very gently moved Keith’s legs over his shoulders. He was kind of shocked that Keith was such a heavy sleeper. He nervously bit his bottom lip and gave his calamus and gave it a long, slow lick. As soon as his tongue swiped away any of his slick new beads would quickly form through the slowly retracting calamus.

He pushed his tongue a little harder against them, gently trying to coax them open. Lance noted that Keith’s breathing was slowly starting to become a little heavier. That was a good sign, right? Probably. He continued to lick, dipping his tongue into the soft, hyper-sensitive inner flesh.

Suddenly Keith’s hips twitched slightly and one of his tentacle dicks surged forward and slapped him in the face while the other attempted to fuck his nostrel. He quickly drew back when that happened and watched and the bright blue tentacles lightly thrashed around. Slowly twisting and winding around Keith’s lower abdomen, leaving behind a thin trail of slick.

He glanced up at Keith, his face was completely flushed and he was breathing a lot harder now. He looked beautiful. Lance took one more moment to completely absorb the absolute perfection that was Keith before he fully committed to eating him out.

Lance pushed his tongue in as deep as it could go and closed his eyes just to make sure he didn’t get a dick in his eye. Almost immediately Keith woke up with a gasp. His thighs clamped around Lance’s head in an almost crushing pressure.

“L-Lance?” He squeaked.

He cracked open an eye and glanced up at Keith. The alien’s eyes were hazy and his face was completely flushed. He seemed to be a little confused before his face went dark red with embarrassment and he very slowly stopped trying to crush Lance’s head between his thighs.

“Morning Keith.” Said Lance. “You ready to get up and-” Keith quickly laced his fingers through Lance’s hair and pressed his head back down. For good measure he wrapped his legs around Lance’s head to lock him into place.

“No. You don’t speak until I cum. You started this. Finish it.” He growled.

Lance felt his own dick throbbing when Keith used that tone of voice with him. He quickly closed his eyes and went back to eating out his lover. Keith’s nails tugged at his hair as he purred. The muscular walls around Lance’s tongue fluttered and tried to pull his tongue in deeper.

“Fuck!” Moaned Keith as he arched his back. “Fuck you and your stupid fucking tongue! I-!!!” He moaned louder, clearly not caring if anyone else in the dorm heard them as he came. Lance’s face was pretty much covered with blue by the time Keith relaxed the muscles in his legs enough to let Lance go. He smirked at Lance. “So, is this considered bukakke?”

Lance blushed and grabbed a tissue to quickly clean his face. “Who told you that word? I didn’t teach you that! Who was- Matt…”

“I happened to accidentally walk in on his watching Japanese animated pornography.”

“Hentai.”

“Bless you.”

Lance rolled his eyes and pulled on some clothes. “Well, I’m going to have a quick shower. You can do the walk of shame and explain why you were moaning so loudly.”

Keith shrugged for he had no shame and cleaned himself up a little. “Whatever. I need to shower too.”

***

For their date Keith went and took Lance to Galaxy World like Shiro had suggested. Keith was a little overwhelmed with how many people were around. He wasn’t used to it and stayed close to Lance, holding onto his arm for most of the time. Lance didn’t mind. It was kind of cute.

“So what ride do you want to go on first?” Asked Lance. “It’s as much my date as it is yours… Do you have amusement parks where you come from?”

“Not really.” He looked around and his eyes fell on the dodgem cars. “... What’s that?”

“Dodgem cars.” Said Lance. “You drive around in a circle and bump into each other.”

“... That one. I want to go on that one.”

“Of course.” The two of them quickly got in line. Keith was pretty good at dodgem cars. He’d crash into Lance a few times. Whenever he hit Lance he’d smirk at him, but he would then get hit by someone else and it would wipe the smirk from his face. It would give Lance the opportunity to quickly bump into Keith too. His alien lover would hiss at him when he did that.

They went on a few other rides that Keith found interesting and that Lance wanted to do on. This included the; merry-go-round, pendulum ride, drop tower, ferris wheel, roller coaster. And the rotor.

Keith didn’t like the rotor at all. It apparently reminded him too much of flight training. “I hate it…” He muttered as they walked out the exit of the rotor. “I don’t like those kinds of rides.”

“Well now we know.” Said Lance with a grin. “Come on. Gotta treat you to some awful human foods.”

“... Maybe we should have gone to a movie instead.”

Lance rolled his eyes and happily introduced Keith to more and more greasy, artery clogging human food. He had sat Keith down at a table and quickly went to grab as much stuff as he could. When he was done he dumped everything in front of the rather startled looking alien. 

He looked down at the food and up at Lance. “What is all this?”

Lance chuckled a little and started pointing. “Funnel cake, doughnut holes, chili cheese dogs, corn dogs, fried mac and cheese, and a bacon covered cinnamon roll.”

Keith stared at Lance in mild horror before looking back down at the food and then back up at him. “I think every valve in my heart just suddenly got caked with fat. Why is it all yellow or brown?”

“Because it’s all deep fried to some extent.” He shoved a corn dog into Keith’s face. “Eat it.”

The alien was a little skeptical, but took a bite out of it. He did not look too happy. “And you wonder why your species is getting fat and dying.”

“Aw, the chilli dog is really good though. You good with spicy foods?” He pushed a chilli dog towards Keith.

The alien sighed heavily. “I have a feeling you have some weird need to see me eat human foods.”

“Just be thankful I’m not making you eat deep fried butter on a stick.”

“... Your species continues to shock and horrify me.”

“Love you too kitten.”

The two of them finished eating with Keith criticizing everything. The only thing he felt okay about was the chilli dogs. That and the bacon covered cinnamon roll. But Lance felt it was because he liked bacon. When they threw the wrappers in the trash Lance held Keith’s hand and directed him towards a building where there were more arcade style machines. Mostly different kinds of pinball machines. But there was a mirror maze and a mechanical bull. But the bull was painted silver like it was in a space suit since the whole place was space themed.

Lance chuckled when he saw some teen girl getting thrown off the bull. Keith just tilted his head as he watched it. “What’s the point of that thing?”

“You sit on it and it buck and spins around to try and throw you off.”

“Looks easy.”

“Bet you can’t stay on it for more than a minute.”

“And what do I get when I win?” Asked Keith in an over confident manner.

“When?”

“Yes. When.”

Lance shrugged. “Well, what do you want?”

Keith thought for a moment and whispered into Lance’s ear. “I want to have sex when we get home. I want you to ride me. I want to see you sitting on my lap and losing control of yourself.”

Lance blushed. “O-okay. If you stay on the bull for a minute I’ll do that.”

“Good.” Keith quickly kissed his cheek and headed to the line. 

While he was doing that Lance grabbed his phone and decided to record this. He felt like Pidge would enjoy watching Keith face planting. However when the bull started up keith kept his balance extremely well. He just sat on it as it spun around and tried to buck him off. A lot of people were cheering for him as the person in control of the ride slowly cranked up the speed. 

It was almost errotic the way Keith rolled his body so he didn’t over balance. Lance couldn’t be sure but he felt that Keith had a lot of practice riding a bucking beast. He so wanted to be that bucking beast. Keith was good at riding him. Very good at it. If only he could get his brain working hard enough to actually thrust into him. He could drive Keith crazy.

Suddenly the bull spun around and Keith fell off it. He had still ridden it for about three minutes. Almost trippel the time he had set. Keith just grinned and happily walked over to Lance. “Your ass is mine.”

Lance made a small indignant noise. “How did you learn to do that?”

“Back on my home planet we’re expected to be able to take down and ride creatures twice that size when we’re half my age.”

Lance pouted and nudged him. “You made me think I had a chance.”

“Nah. No chance.” He nudged him and smiled softly at him. “So is this a good date? A good human date?”

“Of course.” Said Lance with a grin. “Heck, if you even wanted to we could have just sat around and watched TV on my laptop while eating junk food and I’d still consider it a really good date.”

Keith looked kind of confused. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Lance kissed him softly on the cheek. “I love you Keith. I love being able to spend all this time with you. You’re amazing.”

Hearing that seemed to embarrass the poor alien. “I’m not that amazing. I’m just me…”

“And you are amazing.” He squeezed Keith’s hand and looked over at some carnival games. “... Are you any good at ring toss?”

***

After several carnival games, a few more rides, and traumatizing Keith with cotton candy, the duo went back to the dorm. Keith was pretty tired and so he went to bed first. Lance went in after catching up with Hunk and Pidge. Pidge still couldn’t believe that Keith managed to stay on the bull for that long.

Eventually when Lance did make it back into their room, Keith was already waiting for him with hungry eyes. Lance knew what Keith wanted and was more than ready to give it to him. He crawled over Keith’s body as their hands quickly retraced familiar territory, discarding clothes along the way.

Lance had pretty much memorized every slight dip and nick in Keith’s skin that left a scar. He didn’t have many, but he had enough for Lanc to speculate a very tough upbringing. Lance didn’t care though. Every slight imperfection made Keith the man he was, or whatever the Galra equivalent of a man was. 

He shivered a little when he felt Keith’s thumbs brush against his nipples. “W-why are you touching my chest more?” He asked breathlessly.

Keith shrugged as he reached down and squeezed Lance’s ass cheeks, spreading them nice and wide for himself. “I find them interesting.”

“How?”

“Species that have nipples tend to produce milk for their offspring.” He said. “I find it strange you have them but can’t have children.”

Lance rolled his eyes and kissed him. “Well it doesn’t seem to be stopping you. The way you fuck me it’s like you’re just trying to get me pregnant.” He said in a sarcastic manner.

Hearing that seemed it light something dangerous behind his eyes. “Oh. Didn’t realise you wanted me to seriously try doing that.”

It was at that moment that Lance knew, he had fucked up.

In an instant Lance had been flipped onto his stomach while Keith held on tightly to his hips. Lance squeaked a little when he feltpress his calamus right against his ass. “I-I thought you wanted me to ride you!”

“Change of plans.” Purred Keith as he leaned over Lance and pinned him in place. “By the way, since you’re kind of vocal, you might want to bite the pillow.”

He rolled his hips forward and Lance felt Keith’s tentacles completely surge forward. He’d always be thankful that Keith’s tentacle dicks were soft and extremely well lubed. Minimal preparation was always good in his opinion. Especially when he was horny. Like now.

Lance felt Keith hand strike his ass. He yelped a litte, but Keith quickly hushed him with quick hiss. “Shut up. You want everyone to hear you? Find out you just love getting your ass probed by an alien?”

Lance whimpered a little and bit the pillow to muffle his voice. He really didn’t want anyone to hear him moaning like a whore. The second he relaxed a little he felt Keith’s dicks starting to writhe around inside him. But now it was faster and with more force than before. He gasped and whimpered as his lover purred and ran his hands over Lance’s arms. He held Lance’s wrists in place and started to lick and kiss Lance’s neck.

“Fuck. You’re so fucking hot right now.” Keith purred. “There’s nothing in the galaxy as fucking amazing as you.” They rolled their hips ever so slightly and Lance’s eyes almost rolled into the back of his head when Keith’s dicks started beating the hell out of his prostate. “Just like that Lance.” He purred. “So good for me.”

Lance was writhing under him. His own body didn’t know how to handle this sudden amount of forced pleasure. Keith really wasn’t holding back today. Lance whimpered and came hard, but Keith didn’t stop. He continued to thrust into Lance like his life depended on it. 

He purred softly and licked Lance’s neck. “Already done babe? I’m going to drive you crazy tonight.” 

Lance moaned louder, unable to properly form words. Best. Date. Ever.


	19. Ouch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was bound to happen eventually. These two go at it like rabbits without a care in the world... It was bound to happen... Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

Things had started off normal enough, like their interactions usually did. The group was watching horror movies. Some of them cheesy, some more serious. In the more cheesy horror movie there was a demon thing that looked like some guy in a rubber suit with a gimp mask. At least that’s what Lance thought. The people probably didn’t have much in the way of a budget for costumes. There was some part where the demon caught the heroin and she was tied up on a bed. It was clearly overkill.

Matt chuckled. “Me thinks the director has a bondage kink.”

“Probably.” Said Allura. “You know how most of these 80s and 90s horror films are. If it isn’t pure, Christian, married sex, then it’s all evil and taboo… Who has the popcorn?”

“Here.” Hunk passed her the bowl. 

“Thanks. Anyway, at least they didn’t show something much more shocking and taboo.” Said Allura.

“What? Gay people?” Suggested Shiro.

Allura shook her head. “No, gay people, or at least gay coded people have been in movies for decades. Sure the depictions are extremely horrible, but they were there… What I am talking about is much more scandalous and horrific.”

“What?” Asked Romelle.

“... Interacial couples.” She whispered.

Adam gasped in fake shock. “Allura! How could you? Can you believe this? People should just stick to their own kind! Isn’t that right Curtis?”

Curtis looked up from his place on the floor and replied back in a sarcastic manner. “Oh yeah. We all know I’m also Latino, just very tanned, and Shiro’s just an albino Latino with weeaboo parents. No way I’m actually from India and Shiro’s Japanese.”

Shiro nodded in agreement. “Yes. No interacial couples here. Romelle is albino too.”

Lance grinned. “Yeah, and I’m just a very tanned… um…” He and Keith hadn’t really talked about what what race he was going with. Keith kind of looked Asian, but he didn’t know what he should go with.

Luckily for him Keith had an answer. “Korean.”

To show his gratitude Lance quickly kissed his cheek. “Yep. I’m just a tanned Korean. Not at all Cuban. No sir.”

“Y’all are morons.” Said Pidge. “But if there is one good thing about these old movies, I am pretty sure they had to use actual bondage equipment. Look, I think that’s a spreader bar, and that’s definitely a ball gag.”

“Probably.” Said Lance. He glanced over at Keith. 

His eyes hadn’t left the screen, and he had a look on his face that he usually had when something caught his attention. Lance looked back at the screen in time to see the weird bondage demon beating the shit out of one of its bondage minions for letting the heroin escape. Lance couldn’t really tell what was going on in Keith’s head. Not until they got back into their room about two hours later.

Keith seemed kind of nervous as he curled up against Lance. He was fidgeting and kept tapping his fingers against the mattress. It was kind of annoying. “Okay mullet, spill.” Said Keith. “What’s eating you up this time?”

“Just thinking about earth culture and your horror movies.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah… Is bondage really that taboo on earth?”

“It’s a more widely accepted kink. Why? You want to try it?”

Keith blushed a little. “On my planet bondage is considered normal… It’s not really something we would find scary or horrific, so it was just weird for me to see that humans seem to find sex scary.”

“Well there are aspects of sex that are scary.” Said Lance. “Like, if your partner is a dick and is a selfish prick, or you know, rape… There’s also infection and stuff, also getting pregnant… A lot of stuff can go wrong, and if it can go wrong it can go very wrong.”

“I guess, but even horror movies on my planet are a little more… We don’t really have much sexual violence in our horror movies. It’s more gore and psychological horror… Sometimes Cannibalism.”

“Didn’t you say your species eat your dead?”

“Well yeah, but only families and friends close enough to be family can eat us.” Said Keith. “If someone else does then that’s… We consider that a crime.”

Lance nodded a little. “You guys are a very strange species.”

“Says the species that sees a very limited range of colour.”

Lance rolled his eyes and kissed Keith’s cheek. “Whatever you weird alien… So do you want to do some bondage? I could tie your hands behind your back? Gag you? Make you feel so helpless under me?”

Keith blushed some more. “Really? Would you do that?” There was a slight lilt in his voice and an almost hopeful look in his eyes. But it was only there for a few seconds. “I um… I mean if you want to. I don’t care…”

“But you said it was normal for you guys. So like, isn’t it logical to think that maybe that’s something you’d like?”

Keith frowned a little and lightly pawed at the mattress. “Maybe… But maybe you don’t like it?”

“You never asked me.”

“... Do you like it?” He asked.

Lance smiled softly at Keith and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m good with a bit of light bondage. So it probably won’t be up to your standard… I’m pretty much a beginner at this.”

Keith blushed a little and nodded. “I’m good with just being tied up. Really. I’m not fussed about the hardcore stuff. Really. I just… I want- would like something… If you’re okay with that…”

The alien looked so nervous and unsure it just melted Lance’s heart. It was kind of adorable that he was worried about putting Lance off. Though considering Lance was okay with getting double penetrated with two tentacle dicks and let him cum his flammable jizz inside him many times, he was surprised Keith thought bondage was where he drew the line.

Lance got up and walked over to his wardrobe. He took the rope off his bathrobe and walked back over to him. “Okay Keith. Hands above your head.”

Keith stared at him with surprise, but did as he was told. Once his hands were in place Lance quickly tied them together. He looked up at his hands and tugged them a little. It was a little loose, but he looked satisfied. He looked up at Lance with excitement dancing in his eyes.

It warmed Lances heart to do something Keith seemed to really want to do. He pulled down Keith’s pants and was kind of surprised to see how aroused he already was. Half of his calamus was already retracted. Just from trying up his hands. Lance would have to make sure to tie up Keith a lot more in the future. He had to make sure that Keith got his kink fix too.

“Want me to be a little rougher with you too?” Asked Lance.

Keith nodded eagerly. “Yeah. Do that.”

That damn alien was too cute for words sometimes. He sat between Keith’s legs and slipped his finger in behind the calamus that hadn’t retracted yet. It made Keith’s hips jolt forward and gasp. It was cute seeing how receptive Keith was to all of this.

Lance curled his fingers and pushed with just a little bit more pressure than he had before. It made Keith’s thighs tremble as he moaned. Lance put a little bit of pressure on Keith’s calamus, not wanting to force them open, but he just wanted to put just a little bit more pressure on them. Keith let out a guttural groan as his remaining calamus retracted and his cocks slithered out. As soon as they were exposed, Lance lightly held them down against Keith’s stomach while he started to finger him. 

“Oh!” Gasped Keith as he rolled his hips. “F-fuck!”

“Gotta keep your voice down.” Purred Lance. “You want everyone to see you, a distinguished xenobiologist tied up and getting fingerbanged by some human?” When he said that Keith shivered and his muscles tightened around Lance’s finger. It made Lance smirk. “Oh, so you like a bit of dirty talk when you’re all tied up? Well aren’t you a little galra slut.”

“N-not…” Mumbled Keith.

“What was that? Didn’t hear you.”

“Not a xenobiologist yet… Still studying…”

“...” Lance removed his finger and slammed into him. Keith let out a strangled yelp as Lance just plowed into him. Keith was just too cute for words. He grabbed hold of Keith’s hips and gave him no second to adjust. 

Keith’s eyes rolled into the back of his head as he bit into the rope to muffle his moans. That just made Lance want to fuck him harder. He moved Keith’s legs around to get the best angle to drive himself deeper. He ended up moving Keith onto his side with one leg on the bed under him, while his other leg was hooked over Lance’s shoulder.

“F-fuck Keith, you’re so fucking tight.” Moaned Lance. “You just love getting fucked by humans, don’t you? You love human dick.”

“Y-yeah.” Moaned Keith. “L-love your dick. O-only you.”

“Fuck you’re adorable.” He pushed Keith’s leg forward just that little bit harder. 

Keith let out a surprised gasp and came. Lance thrusted hard into him a few more times before he also came. They were both still for a moment before Keith started to untie his hands using his teeth. Lance hadn’t tied him up very tight after all. While he was doing that, Lance grabbed some tissues and quickly wiped them both down. Everything seemed fine, but that was until Lance pulled out.

Keith yelped a little and gritted his teeth at the action. He didn’t look too impressed. This kind of worried Lance. “Hey, are you okay?”

His lover pouted a little and rolled onto his side away from Lance, pulling his legs up close to his chest. “I’m fine… I think I just pulled a muscle… Now it hurts.”

“Oh… Um… Sorry?” Lance didn’t really know what to say. “So um Maybe we should do some stretches next time? Is there anything I can do?”

“Just go to sleep.” Muttered Keith. “I’ll be fine in the morning.”

Lance was a little unsure but he pulled the covers over the both of them. Keith snuggled into him and let out a small annoyed huff. So he wasn’t that upset with Lance since he still wanted to snuggle with him. So that was nice at least.

***

The next day things didn’t seem to get better for Keith. He was walking a little strangely and Lance offered to massage in some heat rub for him to make him feel better. Keith quickly shot him down and ignored the fact that there was something wrong with the way he was walking.

Pidge was the first to notice something was a little off with Keith. She snickered and gave the two boys a knowing look whenever she saw Keith walking a little oddly. Matt noticed almost a day after Pidge and couldn’t help but snicker.

After that it kind of snowballed from there and everyone else in the dorm noticed Keith walking with a slight limp. Keith did not seem impressed and just ignored them. Behind closed doors Lance did ask if he was okay and if he needed anything. Keith would just deny it straight up. He was under the impression that nothing was wrong and that it would go away with time.

However, as the days went by Keith’s walking became worse and soon sitting down started to look painful for him. It was at the point where he couldn’t sit down anymore that everyone became extremely concerned and were urging Keith to see a doctor with varying degrees of subtlety.

Hunk would casually mention that he should probably go and see a doctor soon for a check up. Pidge just said she would kick him in the dick if he didn’t go and see a doctor. Keith was not amused by this.

It all eventually came to a head one day when Keith didn’t have a class. When Lance left Keith was still in bed and just looked pissed off. He said goodbye to his lover, kissed him, and urged him to try and contact someone if he gets even more unwell.

Keith just grumbled out a small sound of acknowledgement and Lance left. His classes were fine for the most part, but Lance was still worried about Keith. Something wasn’t right with him and he really had no idea how to help him.

When he got back to the dorm he found Pidge and Matt checking under and around furniture. “Huh? You guys looking for anything?” Asked Lance.

Pidge pouted and started flipping couch cushions. “Fuck.”

Matt just sighed. “We lost our needle nose pliers. The ones that are kind of bent. Red handel. Have you seen them?”

Lance thought for a moment. “Um.. I don’t think so… When did you guys lose them?”

“I was using them two days ago.” Said Pidge. “I thought I was using them out here, but they aren’t here. So now I am mad. We already tore my and Matt’s room apart looking for it. I am going to be so mad if we look there again and we find it.”

Matt shrugged. “Knowing our luck it will happen.”

Lance chuckled and went to see if there were any bottles of water left. He grabbed one and walked to his room. “Oh, have either of you seen Keith?”

“He said he was taking a nap.” Pidge. “So he’s probably still asleep.”

“Okay. I’ll be quiet.” He waved at them and walked into his room. “Hey Keith, are you fee-” His heart stopped in his chest when he saw what was splayed out on the bed in front of him. 

Keith was laying on a towel as his inner thighs were soaked with a thick dark blue liquid that was quickly congealing. The heavy smell of copper was permeating the air. Keith’s chest was heaving uncontrollably as he loosely gripped the Pidge’s missing needle nose pliers. 

“... Shit.” Lance was quickly by his side and squeezing his hand. He was unsure what the hell was happening to Keith, or if he should even call for help. What would Pidge or Matt do in this situation? “A-are you okay? Shit, of course you’re not… Fuck. What do I do? What do I do?”

“L-Lance?” Hissed Keith through gritted teeth.

“Yes Keith. I’m here. What do you need?”

“I-I… I need you to stop being so melodramatic and give me five seconds to get over this pain…” He took a few more deep breaths before he grabbed some tissues and started to carefully wipe away the blue liquid that painted his thighs and genitals. “I didn’t expect to hurt that much…”

“... What the fuck man? What the fuck are you doing?” Hissed Lance. He felt like he had every right to panic right now. “Was the blood? Are you bleeding? What the fuck man?”

Keith rolled his eyes. “You gonna keep freaking out or will you let me explain?”

“... Fine.” Lance pouted and crossed his arms.

“Thank you.” Keith slowly propped himself up on a pillow and tried to make himself comfortable. “Okay, so you know how I have calamus and how they are kind of flexible?”

“Yeah?”

“Well when we last fucked that position you put me in made me crack one of them and it fucking hurt.” Grumbled Keith. “I thought it might have just been bent really badly, but no. It’s cracked. I checked. The tip was split. All the way down the side.”

“Oh… Shit… I’m so sorry. I didn’t know…”

Keith shook his head. “It’s fine… Just… Normally if that happens I’d go to a doctor to see if it’s salvageable or if I need to get it pulled. Then it started to get infected. You can already see it’s infected, which just made it more painful.” He gestured down to his calamus and Lance had a quick look. Indeed the skin around one of those strange looking teeth was bright red and slightly discoloured. “So since I can’t see a doctor I need to pull it before it gets worse… Unfortunately the fucker is still pretty strongly connected to my nerves.”

“I can see that…”

“It’s like pulling a tooth.”

“What happens when you pull it?”

Keith shrugged. “I have some antiseptic and bandages, but in about a month a new one will have grown back… But I still need to pull it out.”

Lance nodded a little. “So um… You’re good? All that blue stuff is like, your blood?”

“Yeah. My blood is copper based. Not iron.” Keith grabbed a small handheld mirror and looked like he was going to try pulling out the calamus again.

Lance quickly stopped him. “Wait… I don’t think you should be doing this.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “You want me to get a raging infection? This needs to be done Lance.”

“Well yeah, but it needs to be pulled out quickly and cleanly, right?”

“Ideally, but-”

“Let me do it.” Said Lance quickly. Honestly he didn’t know why he said that. He didn’t want to do something like this to Keith, but it was kind of necessary. 

Keith seemed a little hesitant, but he handed over the pliers. “Here… Just when you get a good grip on it pull on it as hard as you can… There will be a fair bit of blood, but it will stop quickly.”

Lance sighed and grabbed a wad of tissues. “You know, this is not how I was planning to spend my evening.”

“Shut up and rip out my calamus.” Grumbled Keith.

Lance was not sure about this, but Keith knew more about his own biology than he did. Lance just hoped this would work. He very carefully pinched the infected calamus with the pilers. “Okay… Time to play real life surgeon simulator… On the count of three I’ll pull, okay?”

Keith nodded and tensed up a little. “On three.”

Lance put one hand on Keith’s thigh. He felt Keith’s muscles tense up under his touch. “One… Two… Three.” With a sharp tug, Lance ripped out the broken calamus. It was a lot longer than he thought it was. About 3cm long from end to end. He quickly put it aside and pressed the tissues against the bloody spot. Looking up, Lance was upset to see that Keith had bitten his hand hard enough for it to bleed while tears were streaming down his face. “It’s okay Keith. I think I got it all. It’s okay now.”

Keith sniffled and nodded a little. He whimpered a little and picked up the calamus. “... I fucking hate these things sometimes… When they work, they really work, but when they are fucked, you’re really fucked.”

“I can see that… Should you be bleeding this much?”

“There are a lot of blood vessels and what not down there.” Said Keith. “It might look like a crime scene down there but it’ll be fine in a few minutes.”

“Right…” Lance continued to dab away at the blood and did the best to mop it up. “So what down?”

“Antiseptic ointment.” Muttered Keith. “I have some in my first aid kit I can use… Also no sex for a few weeks. I can’t risk getting an infection.”

“Fair enough… Blue blood is weird.”

Keith shrugged. “It is what it is… I’ll decontaminate Pidge’s pilers and give them back later.”

“Yeah…” Lance moved the tissues away for a few seconds to check before pressing down a little more firmly. “Um… I know it’s already done and everything, but would it have been so bad to leave it in?”

Keith shook his head. “No, if I left it in, it could have completely filled up that one calamus with pus, could have infected the whole side and made it impossible to retract them at all… Worst case it gets into my bloodstream and I’d get sepsis and die.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah…” Keith sighed a little and lightly nudged Lance with his leg. “Thanks for helping… I was trying to fix it before you got back.”

“I kind of figured… Sorry I broke it.”

Keith smiled weakly at him. “It’s not an unusual injury. It happens sometimes… It’s just, you know, I’d be able to go to a doctor about it… And I would have been given something so it didn’t hurt like a bitch.”

“Sorry love...” He moved the tissues away and felt relieved. “Okay, you’ve stopped bleeding. I’m glad I got a water bottle. I’m going to try and clean you up a little.” Keith made no complaints as Lance went about cleaning Keith up. It didn’t take too long. Keith didn’t have much blood on him by the look of it. “There. All cleaned up.”

“Thanks… I’ll have a shower when everyone else is in bed.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want them to see you bleed blue huh?”

“Yep.” Keith sighed and relaxed into his pillow. He seemed to feel a lot better now. “I’m just going to relax here for a bit.”

“Yeah sure. You do that.” He kissed Keith softly on his cheek. “You want anything? Some water?”

“No I’m good. Thanks for asking.” He reached over to Lance, gesturing for him to come closer. Lance obliged him and Keith pulled him close for a kiss. “Um… Sorry you got my blood on you.”

“No problem. It’s just… It’s a little odd.”

Keith shrugged and gestured to his bedside table. “There’s white and yellow plastic box in there. Can you grab it for me? It’s a medkit. I have some alcohol wipes in there you can use to clean your hands.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks.” Lance took the kit out and looked through it. There were a few small silver backs. Some filled with green gel. There were a few vials of red and green. Some needles sealed in more bits of plastic. A few tubes of yellow stuff. There was also some weird looking gun thing too. “Um… What are the wipes?”

“Silver pack. No gel.”

“Right…” Lance found the pack and opened it. He pulled out a small white wipe and rubbed his hands clean, tossing it away when he was done. 

When he was done he watched Keith take out the yellow tube out and put it on the bedside table before putting the medkit on the floor. Keith smiles a little at him. “Antiseptic ointment.”

“Ah, okay… Still sorry you got hurt.”

“It’s fine.” Said Keith. He gave himself one final wipe with the towel he had been laying on and pulled the covers over himself. “I’m just going to rest here for a while… Can you bring me dinner when it’s ready?”

“Of course. I’m just going to be at my desk and do some work. Okay?”

“Okay… Love you Lance.”

“I love you too Keith. Feel better soon.” He kissed Keith again and walked to his desk. He glanced over at Keith and was glad to see that he looked much better already. He loved his weird alien boyfriend. Hopefully things would be okay now.


	20. Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Malocoti is a character that only appeared in the Voltron comics. She didn't really get much time in the comic, but hey this all works out. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

Being injured wasn’t as bad as Lance seemed to think it was. But Keith was happy enough to get some bedrest and have Lance doting on him. For a while Lance was worried and fussed around. Talking about doctor’s notes and what they could make up about Keith’s none existent illness.

Keith just rolled his eyes and used his own alien technology to forge plausible doctor’s notes. He also told Lance to say that he had partially torn some muscles and shouldn’t be walking around more than he had to. Lance seemed to agree with this and ended up telling the rest of the dorm what was up with Keith.

Pidge just smirked. “So you’re telling us that you fucked Keith so hard you broke him?”

Lance was about to interject when Keith quickly spoke up from his sprawled out position on the couch. “Well they aren’t wrong.” He said. “You bent me the wrong way.”

Lance went bright red and hid behind his hands. “It was an accident! A damn accident! I didn’t mean to!”

Matt snickered. “I guess this means you guys should do some more yoga or something?”

Lance continued to whine and flail around as he tried to shut up the Holt siblings. Keith just rolled his eyes and shimmied up into a better sitting position. He wasn’t actually in pain or anything. It was just a dull throbbing from where his calamus got ripped out. It was also about time for him to put more ointment on it.

“You okay there?” Asked Shiro

“Yeah, just going to the bathroom.”

“Oh, let me help.” Without really asking, Shiro picked up Keith off the couch. “Need me to take you there or like, can you walk?”

Keith couldn’t help but blush. “I-I can walk on my own two legs… Really.”

“You sure? It’s not like I’m going to put you on the toilet.” Said Shiro. “Just take you there so you don’t have to put too much strain on your legs.”

“...” Keith glanced over at Lance who was currently trying to hit Pidge and Matt with some pillows. “Okay… Fine… Just carry me to the bathroom.”

Shiro smiled a little and carried Keith to the closest bathroom. Keith just awkwardly patted his arm and slowly walked into the bathroom. He locked the door and carefully sat on the toilet while taking his antiseptic ointment out of his pants pocket and set about reapplying it. He carefully wiped away any weird crusty gunk that had gathered with some damp toilet paper, dried it with dry toilet paper, and very carefully dabbed on the yellow ointment.

It stung like a bitch but it was working. The ointment was working its magic and the discolouration in his skin had gone down. In a few days he’d be able to walk completely normal again. He still had a slight limp but that was fine. It would go away soon. 

He pulled his pants back on and washed his hands off the ointment. While he was in the bathroom he did a few squats. Yeah, there was still a sting, but he was fine. Really. Humans really lost their minds over things like this.

When he walked back out Shiro picked him up again and walked Keith back to his bedroom. Lance was still fighting with the Holt’s. Lance was such a dork. Shiro put Keith on his bed and moved some of Keith’s stuff closer to him so it was within arms reach. 

“You need anything else? Some food? Water?”

“Nah, I’m good for the moment.” Said Keith. “Um, thanks for being my personal taxi service.”

Shiro laughed. “Yeah. If you need anything just call out. Someone should be around to help you on most days.”

“Thanks.” Keith would always be surprised by the kindness of humans. They were much nicer than Galra were. Most Galra would just tell him to suck it up or maybe injure him somewhere else so he’d complain about that instead of what was happening with his calamus. Jerks.

He sighed a little and spread out like a starfish on the bed. While it was nice to be on a bed and what not, everyone though he was in some kind of serious pain. He wouldn’t be allowed to go and do anything while everyone was fussing over him. It was going to be boring. At least he could send off some more reports to Kolivan. Hopefully he wouldn’t get chewed out again.

***

Lance was the best nurse possible. He did everything he could to make sure his boyfriend was comfortable and wasn’t going to get anything like bedsours or make his infection worse. He was also going to Keith’s professors and making sure he got any handouts or any textbook paes he needed to read.

Keith was appreciative of it. Though he was a little tired of it by the second day. He whined and pulled on Lance’s clothes. “Come on Lance… It’s been a day. Humans can heal quickly, right?”

“Not that quickly.” Muttered Lance as he swatted Keith’s hands away. “Besides I thought you were having fun having Shiro carry you around?”

Keith pouted more. “I can walk damn it.”

There was a knock at the door and the two of them looked over to see Hunk. He smiled a little and held up a pair of crutches. “Hey. I finally managed to remember where I put these. Though you might find it useful since you might need to move around if we aren’t here.”

“Oh, Thanks Hunk.” Said Keith. “I appreciate it.”

Lance took the crutches off of Hunk and put them next to Keith’s bed. “Man, the last time I saw these Romelle broke her leg.”

Hunk shrugged. “Yeah. Only reason I have them is because I had more space under my bed than her. But I hope you find it useful Keith.”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. Thanks. I think I will.”

“By the way, do you want anything special for dinner?” Asked Hunk. “We all know how much it sucks when you’re bed bound, and you know, Shiro can’t carry you around all the time.”

Hearing that made Keith laugh. “Yeah, fair enough. I want… Ramen. Just a big bowl of it. Yeah, I like cheap food. Sue me.”

“You got it. One big bowl of chicken ramen. Thank the lord Matt decided to go to Costco when he was drunk.” 

Lance chuckled. “I think we should be thanking that Adam was there with him… I can’t believe Adam was the only sober one out of all of them for once… We’d be eating nothing but cheetos and gummy worms for a month…”

“... I like gummy worms.” Muttered Keith.

“I can get you some gummy worms.” Said Lance quickly.

“No need.” Said Hunk. “I still have a nag in my room from my date with Shay the other day.” Hunk quickly left and came back with a packet of gummy worms. “Here. You okay with them being the sour kind?”

“Heck yeah. You’re the best Hunk.” Keith ripped open the bag and happily started to eat. “Hunk, you’re my favourite now.”

Lance gasped in fake hurt. “What? I thought I was your favourite! I am shocked! I am hurt!”

“You’re a drama queen.” Muttered Keith. Lance balked at the notion while Hunk quietly left the room.

“Drama queen? Me? What? Well I never!” He pouted some more and stole some of Keith’s gummy worms. “Anyway, I’m going to be coming back late for the next few days.”

“Oh? Why?”

“Study group in the library.” Informed Lance. “I’ve got a test coming up and I need to get at least an 80% on it.”

“Ah, okay. Have fun with that.” 

Lance smiled and kissed him. “I’ll bring you some more gummies before I come home. Okay?”

“Okay.”

***

Keith quickly became extremely bored without Lance being around. He’d pretty much sent off everything he needed to, to Kolivan and was waiting for his approval or strong disapproval. He’d sent him an injury report too, but he didn’t expect anything to come of it. It was a simple calamus injury. Not like he got stabbed and bled everywhere.

By the third day he could stand up and walk around the room normally, so he spent time using the crutches Hunk gave him so he could fake being more injured than he really was. His injury was pretty much all healed by now. He felt he was pretty good at it.

He used the crutches to walk out to the common area where Allura and Adam were talking. “Hello Keith.” She said. “Do you want to lie down on the couch?”

“Nah. Just walking around.” Said Keith. “I got bored. Lance is studying with people so I can’t talk to him…”

“He’ll be back soon.” Said Adam. “So how long until you can walk without crutches?”

Keith shrugged. “A week? I’ll be fine. Really.”

“What happened anyway?” He asked.

“Sex related injury.” Said Keith. “Lance bent me the wrong way.”

Adam had a knowing look on his face. “Yoga. You might want to learn yoga. It will really help with whatever you two were doing. Trust me, I know.”

Keith frowned a little. “Yeah, I’m going to go outside for some fresh air. Later you two.”

“Do you need someone to open the door?” Asked Allura.

“No, I’m good!” Called Keith as he headed out. He did fiddle with the door a little, but he managed to escape into the outdoors. The sun was starting to set on Earth painting the sky different shades of yellow, orange, pink, and red. He would always be surprised by the natural beauty of this small planet.

Despite Keith’s complaints about Earth, he really did enjoy the planet. It was such a strange and beautiful thing. He loved it so much. The strange weather, the odd animals, the people… oh lord the people. They were so damn broken and destructive but damn that’s what made human’s human. 

He was pretty sure he could conclude that humans and galra could possibly co-exist and finish off his thesis and get his degree. However to do that he’d have to go back to his home planet and leave Earth. He wasn’t ready to do that yet. He had made friends and he had Lance.

Lance… How would all this even end when all was said and done? He wouldn’t be allowed to bring Lance back home, and even if he did he’d possibly be confiscated by the university as part of his research. If that happened then Lance would be subjected to a life of hell. Keith couldn’t do that to him. Plus Lance’s whole life was on earth. He wouldn’t just leave it for some Galra ass.

That thought made him sad. No matter how much he loved Lance it was all going to end with Keith leaving earth for good. Leaving Lance for good… Someone who accepted he was an alien and was happy to try doing things the galra way to make him feel more comfortable… He wished he could just run away from it all and stay on earth, but Kolivan would hunt him down and drag him back.

His ears perked up a little when he heard Lance’s familiar foot fall. He was still pretty far away, but due to his galra hearing he could pick Lance out from a distance. He quickly moved around the side of the building where he could tell Lance was when he stopped dead in his tracks. Sure there was Lance, but who the hell was hugging him? Some busty woman with long orange hair… Keith instantly disliked her.

Lance hugged the woman back and when he let her go he saw Keith and grinned. He and the woman parted ways and he hugged Keith tightly. “Hey babe. What are you doing out here?”

“I wanted some fresh air.” Said Keith. “Who was that you were with?”

“Who? Malocoti? She’s my study partner.” Explained Lance. “Why?”

Keith shrugged. “Just haven’t seen her before… Let’s go inside.”

“Okay.” Lance happily followed Keith with a smile on his face. “Oh, so they didn’t have gummy worms, but I got you gummy dinosaurs. Just as good huh?”

“Yeah. Thanks Lance. You’re the best.” Keith might have been all smiles with Lance, but deep down he couldn’t help but feel kind of hurt. But he needed to get it together. Lance hugging this Malocoti meant nothing. Nothing. He shouldn’t be feeling this weird. 

***

Keith still felt weird. As he talked with Lance that night he felt weird. As they slept next to each other it felt weird. When he woke up he felt weird. When Lance kissed him goodbye when he went off to class he felt weird. All he was thinking about was Lance hugging that Malocoti. It sounded like a swear word in his mind now.

He knew it was stupid but he didn’t like how Lance was spending so much time with her. They were just friends. Really they were. She wasn’t interested in Lance but… who was Keith kidding? Lance was hot. There had been mentions of Lance being a bit of a flirt before he showed up. She was so into him.

And they hadn’t had sex in a while because of Keith’s injury… And apparently couples needed to have lots of sex on earth for it to be a romantic relationship. At least that’s what it seemed like. Maybe he needed to talk to Lance about this? But how was he even meant to tell Lance he didn’t like his study partner without even knowing her?

“Knock, knock.” Called Shiro as he opened Keith’s bedroom door open just a little bit. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure.” If someone knew about jealousy it might be Shiro, right? He was in a polyamerous relationship. “Can I talk to you? Close the door...”

“Sure.” Shiro walked in and closed the door behind him. “Is something up? Do you need something?”

“Advice.”

“On?”

“Lance…”

Shiro looked confused for a moment but pulled up a chair next to him. “Yeah? What happened?”

“So, you know how Lance has been studying late and everything?” Asked Keith. “Well I just… I miss him… I saw him with his study partner the other day and I… I don’t know how I felt. Sad? Angry? Possessive? Kind of like I wanted to punch her and tell her to fuck off?”

“Jealously?”

Keith shrugged. “Maybe… You date two people. Have you felt like that with either of them before?”

Shiro frowned a little as he thought about this. “Hmm, well around the start when we tried polyamory I think? Yeah. I got upset when we first started dating. Like I felt they liked each other more than they liked me… Honestly I felt like they were going to drop me and just start dating each other for a couple of months. But you know what helped?”

“If you say talking I will steal your arm and hide it on one of the roofs.”

“...” Shiro moved slightly so his prosthetic arm was as far away from Keith as possible. “Talking to Lance will help. Please tell me you’re not feeding into the stereotype that bisexuals are cheaters.”

“What? No.” Keith was offended by that. That thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. His species didn’t have set genders like humans did. He didn’t even know half the stereotypes that humans had for sexuality. He was still doing personal research into racial stereotypes and things like the history behind the N word and wondering if it was the Galran equivalent to the Y word. Why would bisexuals even be considered cheaters in the first place? Yet another mystery Keith would need to solve in his own time.

“Well that’s good.” Said Shiro. “But seriously, you need to talk to him about this kind of stuff… Can I ask you something personal?”

“Depends.”

“Is Lance your first serious relationship?”

“... Maybe.” Muttered Keith. “He’s the first person who’s actually liked me for me. No one else has really given me the time of day for one reason or another…” He felt stupid admitting this but yeah, Lance was just, he was everything to him. Now he felt guilty. He should have more faith in Lance, right? He trusted Lance a lot. More than anyone else. It was that woman he didn’t trust. She could seduce him, right? Humans were attracted to those that looked like mothers on his planet.

Shiro gave a kind look on his face. The kind of look he usually gave when he switched to his more fatherly mode. Hence why he was pretty much known as the dorm daddy. “It can be an emotional rollercoaster when you first start dating. Lance is a lot of things but he is loyal. You don’t have to worry about him hurting you.”

“I know… Lance is the best.”

“But if you’re feeling jealous you do need to talk to him. Okay?”

Keith nodded a little and picked at his bedsheets. “Okay… Um, this is going to sound weird but um… Do you think Lance might be a little upset that we aren’t having sex as much as we are because I hurt myself?”

Shiro went bright red. “Oh! I um… I… You see… Um… I can’t really… This feels like a loaded question… Um…”

Seeing the other man stumble over his words made Keith chuckle. “It’s okay Shiro. I know it’s kind of awkward.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry… I know there isn’t like some set formula as to how much sex a couple should have but we have been doing it a few times a week so I… Getting hurt like this I just feel like shit for cutting him off like that, again.” 

“It’s okay Keith.” Shiro gently patted his shoulder. “Every relationship has their dry spells. Plus you know, you’re kind of injured. Lance wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself even more. Right?”

“I know…” He sighed some more. “Look, I trust Lance and I don’t want him to stop studying or anything, but I don’t like the girl he’s studying with… I’ve only seen her once and I hate her.”

“Yeah, you’re jealous.”

Keith pouted. “I know… I hate it… I’m being an asshole aren’t I?”

“Well kind of? You haven’t accused Lance or his study partner of doing anything, right? You’re not being mean or rude to Lance?”

“No…”

“Well you aren’t a complete asshole. Very close to asshole behavior, but not completely.” Said Shiro. “Talk to Lance. It’ll be fine. Really. Do you want anything? Bottle of water? A sandwich?”

“I’m good. Thanks for the talk Shiro.”

“No problem. You just concentrate on getting better. Okay?”

“Okay. I will… I’m going to take a nap so no one can come in unless it’s Lance. Okay?” He watched Shiro leave the room and collapsed onto his mattress. He still trusted Lance. He really did but her… He still wasn’t sure he trusted her. The way she hugged Lance… Keith didn’t like it. They would be at the library. He could always just go over to the library for a bit. No big deal. No sweat. Being on the first floor it was easy enough for Keith to throw his crutches out the window before he quickly climbed out after.

***

Malocoti sighed as she slumped over the library table. “No more flash cards.” She mumbled. “My eyes are going to fall out.”

Lance just shook his head and smiled at her. “Come on Coti. It’s not that bad.”

“Why did I have to choose this as a career path?” She mumbled. “I could have been an engineer… Way better pay…”

“Because you have a passion for taking care of kids?”

“... I hate it when you’re right.” She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “Okay, let’s at least take a short break… I’m not retaining any more information.”

“Yeah, fair enough. I’m getting pretty tired too.” Lance happily packed up his flash cards and closed his books. Malocoti proceeded to faceplant the table. He patted her head to which she grunted. “... That bad huh?”

“Yeah…” She grumbled. “So, that guy you hugged the other day at your dorm, the one with crutches, that’s your boyfriend, right?”

Lance grinned. “Yep. I told you his name’s Keith.”

“Hmm, seems nice. Wish I had a cute boyfriend too.”

“Well, you just have to keep looking. I’m sure you’ll find someone soon.” Said Lance. “You’re smart, pretty, and funny. You’ll find someone in no time.”

She snorted out a laugh. “Whatever you say man… You want to stop off at the student shop and grab some food after this?”

“Yep. I’m gonna see what Keith thinks about gushers. He hasn’t had them before.”

“Huh.” She flicked a small piece of paper around the table. “I’ve never been a fan of gushers. I prefer peppermint stuff.” She flicked the paper off the table and pouted. “How did Keith hurt himself anyway?”

Lance could feel his face heating up a little. “Um… tore a muscle in his thigh?”

“Ouch. Sports injuries suck.”

“... Yes. Let’s go with sports injury.”

She rolled her eyes and sat up. Malocoti dug through her bag and took out a brush. “Can you braid my hair? I’m terrible at it.”

“Yeah sure.” Lance happily took the brush and started to comb her beautiful, long, red hair. It was soft like a kitten’s. But not as soft as Keith’s hair. Keith’s hair was soft and light, but thick. If he grew it out he could braid it and it would be as thick as a rope. Probably could have been used as a rope. 

Keith would look hot with long hair. Especially in his Galra form. He wondered if hair styles or length was important in Galra culture. He knew that some people wouldn’t cut their hair for cultural or religious reasons. Maybe Keith was like that too? Was there even a class system in Galra culture? He wasn’t sure. He’d need to ask. 

Still, the thought of Keith with a long braid flowing down his back was a stunning image. If Keith grew his hair out he’d spend hours just brushing it. Maybe Keith would purr when he ran the brush over his scalp? Since Keith’s body was covered in fine fur, maybe he’d like getting his whole body brushed like a dog? No harm in asking. It might even feel like a massage to him. Perfect. Lance could be a good boyfriend and make Keith feel all pampered and doted on.

When he was done, he smiled at his work. “All done.”

Malocoti took out her phone and took a photo. “You have magic hands Lance. If you didn’t want to be a teacher I’d recommend you become a stylist. This is going on my Insta.”

“Aw thanks. Back to work now?” 

She sighed loudly but nodded. “Yeah… Where’s that education book thing?”

Lance pointed to one. “You mean this?”

“No, that’s volume three. I mean volume two.”

Lance shrugged. “I think we left it on the shelf… Be right back.” Lance got up and went to get the book. He already knew which shelf to go to get the right book. On the way back he thought he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He swore he saw a very familiar mullet dipping behind a corner.

He frowned at that. Lance was sure that Keith was still at the dorm. There was no way he was going to do something dumb like go around campus. The library was over the other side of the campus. There was no way Keith would walk across the campus on crutches to come here, would he?

Lance looked around the corner and easily saw Keith trying to look all aloof as he was pretending to read a book he had grabbed off the shelf. Upside down. His boyfriend really was stupid. 

“What are you doing Keith?” He asked quietly. Keith ignored him, so Lance walked over and tapped his shoulder. Finally forcing him to pay attention to him. “Keith?”

“Oh, hey there Lance. What are you doing here?”

“Study. What are you doing here?”

“I got tired of lying around the dorm. So I came here.” Said Keith. 

“Oh really?”

“Yes.”

“There’s a little something called the internet.”

“... Maybe I wanted to go outside?”

“All the way out here?”

“...” Keith sighed sadly and pouted. “No… I just… Shiro says I am jealous of you being around that... Malocoti…” The way he said her name, it sounded like he was disgusted by it. “I know it’s dumb, but I’m dumb… I’ll just head back to the dorm… I kind of jumped out the window…”

“... You jumped out the window?”

“Maybe.”

Lance sighed and shook his head. “Look, do you think that I’m going to do something with her?”

“No, I trust you I just… I don’t know her.” Keith muttered. “I don’t trust her…”

Lance found it a little cute that Keith was jealous. He quickly kissed Keith on the lips and smiled at him. “Keith, it’s fine. Malocoti isn’t interested in me that way. We just study buddies. That’s all. Even if she did put the moves on me, I’d put her in her place and let her know I am not interested in her.”

Keith blushed more and looked embarrassed. “I know… I’m sorry. This is pretty shitty behavior, huh?”

“A little. But I know you weren’t going to do anything bad.” Said Lance. “... You weren’t going to hurt her, right?”

Keith shrugged. “Humans don’t do that kind of thing… I was just going to glare at her for a while.”

“Okay.” Lance looked down at the book in his hand and then back at Keith. “I’m going to print some of these pages and then tell Malocoti that we’re done for today. We’ll walk back to the dorm together. You good with that?”

Keith nodded. He still looked a little embarrassed. It was cute. He quickly photocopied the pages they needed and handed them to Malocoti. She was more than happy to end their study session and leave for the evening.

Outside Keith was waiting, though he still looked a little nervous but smiled at him anyway. “Hey.”

“Hey. Ready to go?” Keith nodded and the two of them started the slow walk back to the dorm. “You know,” said Lance. “Shiro’s going to be so mad when he realises that you’re out here and not in bed.”

“... Fuck.”


	21. Xenophile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to call this story xenophile, but meh, I like me some long names instead. So I'm glad I eventually used it for a chapter name eventually. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

After a month of resting and relaxing, Keith calamus had finally grown back. It was bright, white, and fresh. Keith was quite pleased with how things turned out and so was Lance. He was glad that Keith was back to normal now. He was happy to see how pleased Keith was with how everything had healed up.

“It looks pretty good.” He said to Lance as he ran his fingers over the part where the skin met the calamus. “You’d never be able to tell it got pulled.”

Lance nodded in agreement. “Yeah. It looks really good… Glad you’re back to normal. You are back to normal now?”

Keith nodded happily as he pulled his pants back up. “Yep. I was pretty much back to normal a few days after it got pulled but you know, I had to pretend to be a little more injured than I was just for everyone else’s sake.” He leaned over and kissed Lance. “And now that I’m all healed and don’t need to use any more ointment… we can… You know…”

“...” A blush quickly covered Lance’s face and he quickly looked away. “O-oh. Yeah. I guess so… Like if you want to. We don’t have to just yet or anything, you know?”

“I know. But the offer still stands.” He kissed Lance’s cheek and happily wandered off to the kitchen.

Lance collapsed onto his bed and let out a long, slow, sigh. Maybe now Pidge would stop smirking at him and making sex jokes about him and Keith. She’d probably have a whole new slew of jokes if she found out that Keith was an alien and had teeth down there instead of human stuff.

Oh well, Keith was happy and everyone was glad that Keith was up and about again. That was the main thing. Lance sighed and pulled himself off the couch to see what Keith had gotten himself into this time. 

Not surprisingly Keith was trying to edge around Shiro as he was making weird green smoothie things again. Lance was all about keeping fit and what not, but he really didn’t see the appeal of drinking something so violently green. Then again, Lance had attempted to try doing the whole wheatgrass thing for a while, but that pretty much destroyed his digestive system.

“You need help there Keith?” Asked Lance as he boyfriend was reaching for the cheese puffs. 

“Nope. I’m good.” Keith was just that little bit too short to grab it. Shiro just reached over and grabbed it for him. “... Thanks Shiro.”

“No problem. You guys want a smoothie?”

Lance quickly shook his head. “No thanks. Too much protein powder residue in the blender when you’re done.”

Shiro pouted as he poured some water into the blender so he could blend it up and give it a quick clean. “I know how to clean a blender Lance. I might be some invalid, drunk student, but I am responsible.”

“Well you aren’t called dorm daddy for nothing.” Said Lance. “Can you get me the poptarts? Strawberry please.”

Shiro shook his head and took the box out of the cupboard and tossed it to Lance. “We really need to start eating healthier around here.”

Lance shrugged. “As long as Matt and Pidge have their Costco card that is never going to happen.”

“I know.” Muttered Shiro. “Those two are a bad influence on everyone.”

“You say that, yet you do not complain when you’re given pie.” Reminded Lance.

“True, but I have no self control, and now I have to go for a few extra runs.” Muttered Shiro.

As the two of them talked, Keith managed to slink away and sit on the couch with his cheese puffs. He seemed to really enjoy the taste of artificial cheese and the crunch. He was a strange purple alien. He sat next to Keith and started eating his poptarts. Keith gave him a weird look.

“... What?”

“You’re eating them raw.” Said Keith. “You’re meant to put them in a toaster.”

“I am a filthy heathen.” Said Lance. “I will eat them raw if I want.” For emphasis he bit into another one. 

Keith pulled a disgusted face and stuck his tongue out. “Ew. You’re nasty. Put it in a toaster.”

“Never. I will eat raw foods. Shiro says we need to eat more raw foods.”

“Wrong kind of raw food!” Called Shiro from the kitchen. “I mean fruits and vegetables! Not uncooked poptarts!”

“... Strawberry is a fruit.” Retorted Lance. “Therefore, poptarts are fine.”

Matt walked into the room with a book under his arm. “What’s this about poptarts and strawberries?”

Lance quickly waved his hand around. “Matt! You arguably have a higher IQ than all of us. Strawberries are fruit, right?”

“Yes...” Answered Matt cautiously. He seemed to feel like he was getting set up for something.

“And fruit is good?”

“Yes…”

“Therefore, poptarts are good for you because these ones are strawberry flavour.”

Matt looked a little shocked for a moment before he shrugged. “Yeah. Sure. Also, chocolate is a vegetable because the cocoa plant is well, a plant. Therefore it’s a vegetable.” There was an audible thump from the kitchen as Shiro bashed his head against the fridge in disbelief and heartache. 

“But you need to cook poptarts in a toaster.” Said Keith. “Right? You can’t eat them raw.”

Matt thought for a moment. “Hmm, if you are drunk then it’s acceptable, but if sober that’s just wrong. Why?”

Keith pointed an accusatory finger at Lance. “He’s eating raw poptarts.”

Matt shook his head. “Lance, you are a disgusting failure as a human being. I am very disappointed in you. You are a terrible person. The kind of guy who kicks puppies. Leave this dorm and never come back.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “Make me.” Matt walked over to him and stole his poptarts. “Hey! Give those back!”

“Make me.”

As they bickered Keith ended up getting up. “Someone’s calling me.” He told Lance before he headed to their bedroom. If someone was calling him it was probably one of Keith’s professors. More than likely that Kolivan guy. He really hoped that Kolivan wasn’t going to chew Keith out and make him feel bad about anything. Keith had a lot to deal with over the past month.

Lance went back to his conversation with Matt about being a filthy heathen for not toasting his poptarts in the toaster. He was not going to burn his mouth to hell and back just for some tasty strawberry jam in some cookies. Matt still believed he should. It was the price one must pay to enjoy the deliciousness that was poptarts. Shiro was quietly hitting his head against the fridge at the stupidity of everyone living in the dorm.

Lance didn’t care too much. He was going to defend his right to eat his poptarts uncooked until he was blue in the face. In the end Matt ended up dragging out a whiteboard and they started to take a tally of how people ate their poptarts. They would drag anyone into their conversation as soon as they came into the common room.

“You have to toast them.” Said Hunk.

“Untoasted.” Said Allura.

“Toast them all.” Said Pidge.

“Untoasted.” Said Curtis.

“I prefer untoasted.” Said Adam.

“Toasted.” Said Shiro. “Don’t be a heathen Lance.

“I don’t even like poptarts.” Said Romelle.

Matt quickly tallied everything up. “Okay, so let’s see… that’s five for toasted, and four untoasted… with one undecided. Toasted wins Lance. You are a filthy heathen for eating your poptarts raw.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “You’re all crazy. Only Allura, Curtis, and Adam are valid… Romelle is a little valid.”

“Thanks Lance.” Said Romelle. “I feel so validated.”

“You’re welcome.”

Hunk just sighed and shook his head. “Anyway, I’m ordering pizza for dinner. Everyone want that?” Everyone agreed to it, tossed Hunk some money and gave him their pizza orders. He would call them back when the food got there.

When that was done, Lance realised that Keith hadn’t come back from his phone call yet, so he went to see if Keith was done yet. He knocked on the door and slowly let himself in. Keith was laying face down on his bed in the dark.

“... Keith?” He closed the door and turned the light on. Keith was in his Galra form if the Galra ears and purple hands meant anything. He sat next to him and gently squeezed his arm. “Keith? Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

His boyfriend sighed and looked up at him. “Kolivan’s a jerk…”

“What did he do?” Asked Lance as he ran his fingers through Keith’s hair. His ears twitched a little as he did so. It was kind of cute.

Keith just shrugged. “He just yelled at me. He’s mad I injured myself. I told him that I slipped while climbing a fallen log and broke a calamus.”

“Ah, okay… Did he buy it?”

“Yeah. He did… He’s still mad at me for hurting myself. Like an idiot.”

“... Sorry Keith. Um, Hunk is ordering pizza for us. You want in on it?”

“Yeah. Sounds good…” 

He moved over slightly so his head was resting on Lance’s lap. His ears wiggled some more which made Lance smile and pat them, which made them wiggle again. It was cute and Keith closed his eyes. It seemed like this was what he needed at the moment, and Lance was happy enough to do it.

Keith was adorable when he was like this. All moody and pouty and stuff. He really was like a cat sometimes. He scratched behind Keith’s ears and watched as they wiggled and flicked around. It was adorable. He moved himself so he was a little more comfortable on the mattress and Keith did the same. His head was still on Lance’s lap.

Lance smiled happily and hummed softly. There were some festivals coming up and some concerts he wanted to see. Maybe Keith would enjoy going to those too? He was also interested to see what Keith thought of party drugs. Maybe they were nothing to Galra, or maybe they would just instantly fucking him up and kill him? He could at least ask.

He felt Keith’s forehead bump up against his stomach. It made Lance chuckle a little. It was cute and Lance thought nothing of it. That was until Lance felt Keith’s mouth pressing against the front of his pants and he started to pull down his zipper with his teeth.

“Whoa there Keith!” He pushed Keith’s head back until he was looking up at him with his big yellow eyes. He had the pull tab of Lance’s zipper caught in his teeth. “What are you doing?”

“I’m horny.” He admitted. “I want to suck your dick. Is that okay?”

“... Your calamus is all new and stuff, and you’re ready to get frisky?”

“Yes.” Keith yanked down the rest of the zipper and lightly nuzzled Lance’s crotch. “Hmm, wanna suck you off so bad…”

Lance blushed as he started to feel his blood rush south, but he couldn’t help but run his mouth a little. “Y-you um… You better not start doing uwu speak.”

“Hmm? What’s uwu speak?”

“Internet stuff.” Said Lance. “You know…” He couldn’t believe he was about to do this, but he started this. He cleared his throat. “UWU what’s this? Is that a bulgy wulgy in your panty wanties? Gonna nuzzle wuzzle that bulgy wulgy until you cummy wummy.”

Each word made Keith slowly shrink away from Lance with his ears pinned against his head. “What the actual fuck kind of demon language as that? I swear if you say that again I will bite your dick off.”

“... You know, fair enough. No more uwu speak.”

“Good.” Keith pulled Lance’s cock out of his underwear and started licking it. Slowly at first, teasing around the base while holding onto it, rubbing his thumb over the tip.

Lance tilted his head back and moaned softly. Keith’s tongue was amazing. Not like a human tongue at all. It had all kinds of strange bumps and ridges all over it. It was so odd, but felt so good. He looked down at Keith. The alien had closed his eyes as he ran his tongue from base to tip like he was licking something absolutely delicious. It made him want to do something for Keith too.

“H-hey. Stop for a second.”

Keith pouted but did as he was asked. “What?”

“Take your pants off.”

Keith gave him a suspicious look but took them off. “... What now?”

“Do Galra have their own version of 69?”

“Huh?”

“You suck my dick while I suck your dicks?”

Keith seemed a little surprised to hear Lance suggest that. “Oh. Yeah, we do that too… Do you want me over you? Under you? Next to you?”

“Just lie next to me. Okay?”

Keith nodded and the two of them readjusted themselves into a more comfortable position. Once they had settled in, Keith’s mouth was back on Lance’s cock and Lance’s tongue was on Keith’s calamus. Lance moaned softly as he gently pressed his tongue against the calamus. He tried not to push too hard. He didn’t want to accidentally hurt Keith again.

He felt Keith’s calamus shudder and retract, so Lance easily rubbed his tongue around the soft, sensitive, flesh. Keith’s hips bucked forward slightly as his dicks surged forward and over his chin, and across his throat. He was going to need to clean himself up after this for sure.

Suddenly Keith moved his head forward and started sucking his dick hard. It made Lance’s legs trembled in delight. Keith’s tongue and his mouth was just amazing. His gag reflect was practically non existent and every time that perfect, purple, alien, angel’s lips touched his pelvis Lance was sent to heaven. 

“Oh Keith…” He moaned.

After a few moments Keith pulled off with an audible pop, and smirked at him. “Wanna fuck me?” He purred.

Lance gulped a little and nodded. “Y-yeah. How do you-? Oh!” Before Lance could finish his question Keith had crawled on top of him and was sinking down onto him. Both were moaning in pure pleasure and satisfaction. “O-okay, we’re doing it this way.” Breathed Lance heavily as he placed his hands on Keith’s hips.

Keith grinned as he fully sat on Lance’s cock and made a satisfied sound. “Hmm yeah… You have no idea how good you feel… Having something so long and thick thrusting into me over and over again instead of writhing around is amazing.”

Lance chuckled a little as he rolled his hips slightly. “Does this make you a xenophile?”

“If I’m a xenophile then you’re one too.” Purred Keith as he started to bounce his hips. Lance moaned and tried to match his thrusts, though Keith didn’t seem to want to do it that way. Whenever he tried to thrust upwards Keith would push down harder to try and get him to stop it and let him do it.

Lance moaned and kissed down Keith’s neck. He was already so close just from Keith’s beautiful mouth. “K-Keith, I’m too close… Please I-”

“It’s okay.” Said Keith. “Do it. Cum for me Lance. Cum inside me Lance.”

Lance whined and came hard inside Keith as he held him close. Keith moaned and squirmed as his dicks squirmed as they were pressed between their bodies. Lance slipped his hand between them and started to grope, stroke, and squeeze the two writhing appendages until Keith shuddered and came.

The two lovers panted heavily as they stayed connected in that position and stared at each other with pure adoration. Keith ran his fingers through Lance’s hair and kissed him gently. The two of them slowly moved apart, Keith whining when Lance pulled out of him.

They both lied down on the mattress with their hands and arms still interlaced. This was perfect. Lance would be happy if this could be his life forever. Sure it would be a little difficult with Keith being an alien and all, but he was pretty sure they would be able to do it. He’d be able to show Keith all kinds of cool Earth stuff that Keith could write about. He could stay here for decades if he wanted to. Everyone already accepted his backstory of just being an orphan so it would be fine, right? 

He looked over at Keith and instantly noticed that something was wrong. The alien looked upset about something. Maybe his calamus wasn’t as good as he said he was? Lance would be so upset if he somehow managed to split another one of Keith’s calamus.

Keith smiled sadly as he brushed some of Lance’s hair out of his face. “Lance…”

“Yeah?”

‘I’m sorry…”

“Huh? What are you sorry for? You’ve done nothing wrong here Keith.”

The alien seemed a little nervous. “Kolivan wants me back home… I don’t know how long it will be in terms of human time.” Muttered Keith. “Could be a few days, could be a few decades…”

“Oh.”

“Yeah… I’m sorry.”

Lance held Keith closely and squeezed him tightly. “Don’t be… It’s okay. Really… It had to happen sometime, right? I just didn’t expect it to be so soon...”

“I know… I’m sorry Lance, I’m so sorry…” Keith continued to apologize over and over again to Lance as they both slowly drifted off to sleep. Lance didn’t want Keith to go. He wanted Keith to stay with him. This was technically a break up right? Keith didn’t want to break up with him. He loved him. He really loved Keith.


	22. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The final chapter. Hope you all like it. Kudos and comment when you can. Enjoy :D

“What do you mean you’re going home?” Asked Allura in shock.

“Yeah, what the hell man?” Asked Pidge.

Keith shrugged. “I um… You know how I’m an orphan and everything? Well I’ve been looking into my family and stuff and I found my mum… She’s still alive and we’re going to meet.” That was the story Keith was going with. It seemed reasonable right? A poor orphan boy is going to go and meet with his mother but she lives far away?

“Where does she live?” Asked Shiro. “We can give you a lift there if it isn’t that far away.”

Keith just smiled softly and shrugged. “I don’t think that’s feasible. She lives in South Korea… I’m going to go to South Korea. I don’t know how long I will be there for. If things go well I might end up dropping out and live with her. Maybe…”

Everyone was reasonably upset with Keith’s decision to leave, but overall they were happy for him being able to find his family. Pidge and Matt made sure that Keith got all their social media. Hunk, Allura, and Romelle gave him their instagram handles since they used those the most. Shiro, being the old man that he was, made sure that Keith had his facebook.

Keith packed up all the stuff he needed, leaving behind a few textbooks that were too heavy and some random bits and pieces. Lance called him an uber. They were going to drop Keith off relatively close to where he had hidden his ship.

When Keith was done packing he smiled sadly at Lance. “Well… That’s everything. Now you have a whole room back to yourself.”

Lance nodded as he watched him from his bed. “Yeah… You sure you have everything?”

“Yeah…”

“Do you really need to go?” Asked Lance. He was quietly hopeful that he didn’t really need to go. That maybe Keith would turn around and say he didn’t have to go or something. He didn’t know. 

Keith nodded sadly and walked over to him. “I’m sorry… If I don’t leave now Kolivan will come here and drag me back himself… Apart from that being humiliating, Kolivan isn’t exactly normal human sized. He’s really tall. Like, if he jumped inside he’d hit his head on everything kind of tall…”

“Oh…”

“Yeah…” He hugged Lance tightly, gripping the back of his shirt. “I don’t want to go.”

“I don’t want you to go either…” Lance could feel himself tearing up. “A-are you able to connect with the internet on your ship?”

Keith shook his head. “It’s too primitive to pick up more than a few thousand miles away from Earth. I wouldn’t be able to pick up a signal past Mars.”

Lance was trying very, very hard not to cry. “O-okay. I’ll miss you so much…”

“I’ll miss you too.” Whispered Keith. “I don’t want to leave you behind but I… I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay Keith. None of this is your fault.” Lance could feel his tears running down his cheeks now. “I’ll miss you so much…”

“I’ll miss you too.” Mumbled Keith. “I-I’ll come back for you, I swear I will. As soon as I can get my hands on another ship I’ll race back here. You’re my whole universe Lance…”

“You’re my universe too Keith…” He kissed Keith hard on the lips. He wanted him to stay, but he didn’t want him to get in trouble. The Galra probably wouldn’t take too kindly to any of this. “You better come back for me before I’m all old and grey. You age weird. You’re not going to want me when I’m old.”

“I don’t care how old you get while I’m gone.” Said Keith. “I don’t care if you’re stuck in a wheelchair or too old to even remember who I am. I will come back for you and I won’t leave you. I swear on my life.”

“As a Galra?” 

“As Keith… As your Keith…” 

Lance’s phone buzzed letting them know that the uber had arrived. They shared one more kiss before Keith headed out where everyone else was waiting. There were hugs and crying all around, though the crying was mostly done by Hunk and Romelle. He said his goodbyes to everyone, though he did linger when it came to Lance, before he got into the uber and left.

When he was gone Lance felt a huge weight on his shoulders. Keith was gone and that was it. He wasn’t going to be coming back any time soon. Keith made him happy, but now he was gone, and so was his happiness.

Hunk put his hand on Lance’s shoulder. “Don’t be so down buddy. I’m sure as soon as Keith’s settled in he’ll get in contact with you.”

“... Yeah, I’m sure he will. Thanks Hunk.”

***

But of course this didn’t happen at all. Keith was way out of his solar system on his way home. He wasn’t going to be contacting him any time soon. He didn’t even know what solar system Keith lived in. It was obviously some undiscovered place that humans didn’t know of. Lance couldn’t even look out the window at night and hope that Keith was looking at the same stars.

Lance was pretty depressed and his usually hyper and peppy nature was pretty much gone. Everyone was confused as to why Keith wasn’t trying to contact Lance. They thought Keith was ghosting him, and couldn’t understand why. Lance just shrugged it off and said maybe Keith’s mother lived in the middle of nowhere and he didn’t have a good wifi connection.

No one was buying it.

After about three months of Lance being a lovesick child that just stared out the window every night and missed Keith, Pidge and Allura had had enough. They pretty much grabbed hold of Lance as he was walking back to their dorm and forced him to go to a party at a frat house with them. 

Everyone else was already there. Someone passed Lance a beer and he drank it while watching everyone else having fun. He really know how to feel. Pidge had nudged him a little towards some girls that were giving him flirtatious looks, but Lance just wasn’t feeling it. He still missed Keith.

He ended up sitting on the front lawn after a few minutes and looked up at the stars. Was it night time on Diabazaal? Was Keith even home yet? He could just be landing for all he knew.

Shiro ended up sitting next to Lance and offered him another drink. “Here. You look like you might need this.”

Lance sighed and took it. “Thanks. I guess… This sucks.”

“Yeah. Getting ghosted is pretty terrible.” Said Shiro. “Look, I know you’re still upset and I’m here if you want to talk about it. You and Keith… Whatever you had, it was a real emotional and passionate affair, huh?”

Lance nodded as he drank his new drink. “Yeah. Keith was… He’s amazing. Kind of out of this world. I hope he’s happy wherever he is.”

“Me too.” Said Shiro quietly. “He doesn’t seem like a bad kid… I don’t think he’s ghosting you on purpose… But you should probably think about moving on. Lance, it had been three months with no contact. No one would think less of you if you decided to find someone else and like, moved on, you know?”

“I know…” Said Lance. “I just… What Keith and I had was really intense and something I know I’ll never get to have again… I’m happy for him and I wish him the best but… He doesn’t look like he’s going to come back anytime soon. I miss him…”

Shiro put his hand on Lance’s shoulder. “It’s okay to miss him. Missing someone important to you is normal. Want to come back inside and hang out some more? Maybe hookup with someone?”

Lance shook his head. “Nah, I’m good… I think I’m just going to grab an uber and head home.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Lance called himself an uber and Shiro stayed with him until it came to take him back. Lance was thankful for that. Shiro was a good guy. He did however feel a little bad since everyone else had made him go out specifically to try and cheer him up.

When he got back to the dorm he changed into his boxers and climbed into bed to sleep. He just wanted to sleep and maybe he would be blessed with another dream about Keith. He’d been dreaming less and less about the alien over time. It was depressing, but he savoured the dreams about Keith that he did have.

Tonight he was blessed with one of his usual dreams. A hopeful fantasy of his. He’d be half asleep and Keith would just walk in and sweep him off his feet. Then everything would be back to normal.

He heard the bedroom window open up and a duffle bag got tossed inside. Lance frowned a little as he sat up. This was a little different, but he would roll with it. Still, Lance did grab hold of his lamp ready to bash someone’s head in.

The person who threw the duffle bag into the room quickly climbed in. Lance was ready to throw the lamp at them when the intruder looked over at him. It was Keith. It was always Keith. This time in his human disguise.

Lance smiled a little at him and lowered the lamp. “Ke-” He was immediately cut off when Keith pounced on him and caught his lips in a passionate kiss. Lance melted into it and wrapped his arms around him.

They pulled apart and Keith grinned at him. “I missed kissing you.”

“Is that all you missed about me?” Asked Lance.

Keith rolled his eyes. “Obviously not. I missed you… I missed all of you. Your smile, your eyes, your personality. Everything about you I’ve missed.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Said Lance. “I missed everything about you… Can I see you? The real you? Not your disguise? Please?”

Keith looked surprised for a moment before he smiled and fiddled with his watch, dropping his disguise. Lance smiled and ran his fingers across Keith’s light purple, velvet fur. It had been too long since he had touched it. It was so soft. His ears looked a little fluffier than they were before. It was adorable. He ran his fingers through Keith’s hair. His heart swelled with joy when Keith closed his big yellow eyes and let out a happy trill.

Lance smiled and moved Keith around so he was laying on his back under him. He took his time taking Keith’s clothes off, happily peeling back each layer until he was naked under him. Keith grinned up at him and happily pulled down Lance’s boxers with his foot and grinned.

“Well, looks like you’re happy to see me.” He purred.

“Of course I am.” Said Lance. “I’m always happy to see you.” He kissed Keith as he slipped his hand between Keith’s legs and gently started to rub and massage Keith’s calamus. 

Keith moaned softly and rolled his hips into Lance’s hand. He moaned softly and spread his legs as he desperately held onto Lance. His calamus quickly retracted and his twin tentacle dicks slipped out. They wrapped around Lance’s hand as he tried to push past them to finger his lover. Keith’s body wasn’t making it easy for him.

He somehow managed to push two of his fingers into Keith’s soaked entrance. This caused Keith to tilt his head back and moaned. “Oh fuck… L-Lance! Fuck me! Fuuuuck!” He quickly put his hand over his mouth and looked slightly panicked.

“It’s fine.” Said Lance “Everyone is out at a party. You can be as loud as you want.” He twisted his hand slightly and made Keith gasp and whine.

“LANCE!”

He leaned down and kissed Keith passionately. The alien returned the kiss and started to desperately fuck himself on Lance’s fingers. He was squeezing so tightly Lance’s fingers he knew Keith was close to cumming. He pulled his fingers out only to quickly get between Keith’s legs and pushed in.

Lance moaned in satisfaction as Keith trembled around him. The alien was already a wreck under him. His eyes were fogged with lust as he reached up to pull Lance close. “Please…” He begged. “Please Lance… Please…”

Who was Lance to deny Keith what they both wanted? He quickly started thrusting into Keith’s willing, tight body. Their moanes filled the room as Keith desperately pulled Lance closer with his arms and legs. Lance kissed down his neck as he tried to thrust as deep inside Keith as he tried to stroke Keith’s overly eager tentacle dicks.

With a cry Keith came hard between them. Lance shuddered and came inside Keith. He pulled out and laid down next to Keith. The alien instantly curled up next to Lance and clung to his side. He purred softly and happily nuzzled Lance’s neck.

“I love you.” Keith mumbled quietly. “I love you so much Lance. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Said Lance as he kissed the top of his head. His eyelids were feeling heavy. Keith looked perfect. He was so beautiful. Too beautiful. He wanted to stay like this with Keith forever.

***

Lance woke up to the sound of a bird tapping on his window early in the morning. It was bittersweet to have a dream like that. He missed Keith too much. He wanted to just hold him and kiss him and make love to him again. He missed them so much. He wished he knew what Keith was up to right now.

He went to get up when he felt something heavy next to him. Lance jumped a little in shock and looked down at the body laying next to him. He almost had to slap himself, he didn’t believe that sleeping next to him was Keith. Keith with his purple skin and big fluffy Galra ears. 

Lance just stared at him in shock. It wasn’t a dream? Was he still dreaming? What the absolute hell was going on? He reached over and gently touched Keith’s ear. It wiggled. He touched it again and it wiggled again. Eventually Keith opened his eyes and huffed. He swatted Lance’s hand away and pouted. 

“Quit it.”

“Y-you’re real?” He stammered. “You’re actually here?”

Keith rolled his eyes. “Of course I’m really here you idiot.”

“Yeah, but how? What happened when you got back?”

The alien looked confused. “Wait… I didn’t tell you? Crap, I just skipped to the sex didn’t I?”

“Yeah… Kind of just jumped right into that one…”

Keith sighed. “Ok, so when I got back I was under review. So like, Kolivan and a few other professors went ahead and looked over my work… and they gave me a grant.”

“... A grant?”

“Yeah. Is it being translated correctly?” Asked Keith. “It’s like funding to keep doing what I’m doing. Anyway, Lance. They gave me a grant to start studying homosapians. I don’t have to keep looking at your diets. Lance, I can stay with you.”

Lance was shocked. This wasn’t real, was it? It had to be a joke. He had to be dreaming. But there was Keith. His Keith. His wonderful, cute, perfect, alien Keith. His one and only perfect lover. He cupped Keith’s face and kissed him. Lance couldn’t believe he was here with him.

“Are you sure you’re going to stay here?”

Keith grinned and nodded. “Yep. Let’s go and tell the others I’m back.” He went to get up but Lance held him back.

“Wait… Just, hold on for a second?”

The alien looked slightly confused. “What’s wrong?”

“Um… Want to go one more round first?” He asked.

Keith appeared shocked for a moment before a wicked smile made its way across his face. It was so wide the tips of his fangs poked out of his lips. Without a second thought he pounced on Lance, but this time he pushed Lance onto his back and pushed Lance’s legs back. He looked like he was more than ready and willing to go another round or five.

***

**Final notes (for now);**   
_Humans are an interesting species. They have learned and evolved to survive on a strange and desolate planet. Their own biology is a little strange and needs vast improvement if they ever want to go beyond their solar system without help._

_For now I’m going to stay with X1LH. The longer I have stayed with him the longer I have come to form feelings for him, and he has developed feelings for me. What we have for each other is far stronger than any feeling I have ever felt for any other Galra. If things continue the way they are, I’d like to bring X1LH back to Diabazaal. Not as a test subject or a specimen, but as my partner._

_I love him and hope to spend the rest of our lives together. I’ll provide more information when I can. Until then we shall continue to live our lives together._

_I’m home._

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and sticking with this story. I can't tell you how happy it has made me to know that so many people enjoyed reading this. Thank you all so much for reading it. If you like this you might like some of my other stuff. Hopefully you'll enjoy more of my stuff, if not, I'm glad you at least enjoyed this one.
> 
> Hopefully I'll be reading your comments somewhere else XOXOXO <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys think it's any good I'll make it multichapter and do a bunch of different scenarios with alien Keith and human Lance. Just give me some suggestions when you do. I'm not too good when it comes to smut ideas my dudes :P


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